In thinking that men don't leave their wives and children for an OW with kids?

[CheezePlant]

Surely this is very unlikely to happen right? As it's just jumping from one family to another? And for the most part they leave because they can't cope with the whole family situation?

Correct me if I'm wrong. And I guess I CAN see that maybe some people who are both married just truly fall in love but how horrible to leave your own children to essentially go and live with someone else's?! How must that effect the children growing up too?

Happened to a girl in my home town. Husband left her and their daughter when she was a baby for a women twice his age with two kids of her own. Even tho he wasn’t . Ready to be responsible for his own child.

Well, it affects all the children involved, obviously.

But it is not at all unlikely to happen. Plenty of men and women decide to end their marriages/relationships for many reasons. And very often, the next person they fall in love with has children.

Are you upset because your OH has left? And was it because of being a family? If so I can see why you would be very unhappy.

I know someone who did this. Constantly cheated on his partner with women who had kids. Finally left her and their daughter for a single mum who had a better set up in terms of finance. She said she was pregnant a couple months later and he was gone again to find another woman silly enough to take on a cocklodger. Hasn’t met his second child and has nothing to do with his first.
He admitted that he sees single mums as easy and hated that they got “free money” from the government (his words not mine). I think he always just went for people silly enough to fund him because he never had a decent job.

I would have thought it would depend on the reason for leaving.

It's not unlikely at all.

I don't see why someone is more or less likely to leave and start a relationship with someone else based on having children or otherwise.

People who are single with children with an ex start relationships with other people with children all the time. The parents have to live somewhere. The children have to live somewhere (they can't be at both parents at the same time).

I would guess the reasons for affairs are varied based on people and situations, some might be actual love starting from a dishonourable situation, others could be grass is greener, others could be serial cheater, some could be emotional closeness, some could be purely physical, some could be friends that becomes an emotional affair, some might be a mix of reasons.

Yep it happens

And for the most part they leave because they can't cope with the whole family situation?

See that's ^^ what I disagree with.

The reasons for couple's splitting or having affairs (or both) are normally far more varied than that.

I have known men do this and 2 women.

Dps mum did it. Cheated on his dad. Walked out on him and the 3 kids, when they were all under 6.

Shacked up with the OM and his 4 kids (his wife had died). Dp hasnt seen her since and he is 39.

Same with the men I know. And yes I have heard the term 'new family'.

I think some men do it because they perceive the OW as easy target. He isnt really responsible for her kids. He can walk away, anything he does for the kids will e met with 'he is so amazing and they arent even his'

And them CMS can be reduced.

One of these men left, the OW earned well. He became a sahp to her kids so he didnt have to pay any CMS at all.

I can assure you they definitely do. My exH left and went straight to a woman with children the same age as mine (in fact, friends of theirs ) he now gets zero child free time whereas I get EOW off. Bonkers. My DC tell me he is very definitely “the boss” in the new set up though and the GF is very impressed by him. So it seems to have been less about family pressures and more about having someone blow smoke up his arse. They’re very welcome to oneanother!

It's when they leave the wife and grown up/teen kids for someone younger with young kids then think shit this is hard and come back with their tail between their legs. I know someone who did this and it totally screwed up the one son who hasn't forgiven him 15 years later.

Have you been left OP?

Happened to a former colleague of mine. Husband left her and their two teenage kids (one had just gone to uni, other one was in final year at school) for a woman with a couple of toddlers. Then had more with her. He said he just wanted another go at being a dad, being the centre of the family. My colleague was very successful and independent and I think he resented that.

Some leave when kids small. Ow has no kids. But immediately gets pregnant. This time he copes, dogs, the lot of them

OP, have you actually found something out?

You are posting everyday, sometimes multiple times, obsessing over this.

Its not the person you thought it was. I assume you now think it's someone else.

From what you are posting all there is, is that you saw him deleting something off what's app. But also says he is the sort of person that deletes emails and messages to keep everything tidy.

I am not trying to have a go. But I am slightly concerned about you.

I know a couple (number 1) who had 3 DC, they were quite friendly with another couple (number 2) who had 2 DC, used to go on holidays and days out together, all the DC were roughly the same age. Couple 2’s marriage broke down, and dad from couple 1 and mum from couple 2 started an affair. Both couples got divorced and the ones having the affair got married. The DC from couple number 1 were split 50/50 between their parents and the DC from couple number 2 lived permanently with their mum and step dad. They then had another child, so at times there were six DC and 2 adults under the one roof. This couple are still together, all the DC seem to get on with each other, they’ve have done really well, got good degrees and professional jobs.

I too am worried for OP .

Can you tell us how things are now between you and your DH?

We might be able to help if you give us a bit more information.

My Dad left my Mum when I was a toddler a woman with three kids and then had another two with her. They're still together now. Though, I've not seen him since he left.

All the men I've known who've left their dw and dc for an ow have ended up with an ow who already has dc, with the exception of one who left for a (much) younger woman.
A friend's duh left her for the mother of his daughter's best friend so the dd (8) had to see her daddy playing daddy to her friend. It broke her heart.

I know a lady on the school run this has happened to. Her now ex dh did most of the school runs as she starts work early. He had an affair with another mum from the school and after they were found out, he left his wife for her. They live together now. I don’t know any of them well enough to know the full situation, but I often see him dropping off ow’s dc in the morning. It’s all so awkward. This is primary school. His dc see him a lot of mornings dropping off someone else’s kids. It must be so heartbreaking for them. Although one of his dc is friends with mine and she often comes over for play dates. She’s really sweet and does seem happy when she’s here.

Of course they do! My cousin's husband left her and their two young sons for an older OW who had two teenagers.

DFIL left his wife and daughter for my DMIL and her son when both the kids were under five.
SDFIL has got good relationships with both his daughter, my DH and the child he later had with DMIL.
We have all been on holiday together and we spend every other Christmas together.
People leave their partner's for all sorts of reasons it's not necessarily because they can't hack being a dad.

My son in law left my daughter for a woman with two young kids.