In thinking that men don't leave their wives and children for an OW with kids?

[CheezePlant]

Surely this is very unlikely to happen right? As it's just jumping from one family to another? And for the most part they leave because they can't cope with the whole family situation?

Correct me if I'm wrong. And I guess I CAN see that maybe some people who are both married just truly fall in love but how horrible to leave your own children to essentially go and live with someone else's?! How must that effect the children growing up too?

Happened to my cousin. Left her and son and very quickly got into a relationship with another women. He denies there was a overlap. She had two dcs then got pregnant pretty much straight away, then had another. So he has 4 dcs.

People leave for lots of reasons. A new partner having kids, or not having them, is often not particularly relevant in the reasoning why they left.

What they then go on to do with their stepchildren, or the original children, again, doesn't necessarily correlate to the reason they left, more establishes how responsible they are as a parent.

Family solicitor here. You are wrong.

They do, I am guessing they only find themselves in the same situation they hated after they moved in with OW.

My ex left me for a woman with 4 kids. Thought he was getting a good deal until she decided to stay with her husband. He married a woman with an adult daughter after that.

I also think some people, not just men, cant seperate the relationship with the other parent from the one with the kids. Ie, i dont love your mother/father so I dont love you.

This was the case with my dad. He left wife & 3 DCs for OW who was 7 years younger with no children. I think he had absolutely no interest in domesticity or spending time with the 3 of us. When they got together the OW was 38 and I think would have quite liked a baby but he wasn't interested - he wanted to spend his weekends & evenings doing stuff he enjoyed, adult-centred things. He didn't leave to recreate everything he left behind

My dad left my DM for an OW who had a child.

He had 2 children with her, then they split and he went on to father more children with multiple women.

Not many of us children have a good relationship with him now, I have been NC with him the longest as I am his eldest child but I know a couple of his other kids are also NC. Doesn't help that he lives a life of crime too and was in prison too many times to form proper relationships with us.

They most certainly do.

I think men can feel simultaneously "at home" in somebody else's family and also relieved of responsibility.

Yes they do, OP!

Broadly speaking, a married man who has DC won't see them "as a package" which comes with his DW, since they're equally his children.

Whereas, if he falls in love with OW & she already has them, he's aware it's an "all or nothing" deal. If he doesn't want to lose the OW, he will leave the DW and take the "all" option.

Yep seen it happen though OW children were teens and his own were small

My BIL did it. Didn’t even discuss his unhappiness with his first wife or try and sort out their problems - too cowardly. Instead he just jumped to the first available woman that showed an interest in him. He ended up raising her kids and only seeing his own EOW. He’s utterly miserable now. It’s just sad all round - all he had to do was be honest with his first wife and work at things. Maybe the relationship still wouldn’t have worked out but at least there wouldn’t have been so much emotional destruction.

People leave for all sorts of reasons.
And I can imagine people think - rightly or wrongly - ‘I have these issues in my relationship with X, but that won’t happen with Y’.

I've seen it happen once and it was the biggest shitshow since time began because he moved straight in with OW and her DC then, mysteriously, their whole relationship imploded because he realised he'd left one family set up for the exact same setup with the exciting OW who was now less exciting because she was also just another woman with DC.

It's just occurred to me that I've used my DH's stepfather to illustrate how this can happen up thread because I had completely forgotten until 5 minutes ago that my own father left my mum and me(5) and my sister(3) for an OW with two children exactly the same age.
Quite how I managed to forget that had happened I don't know!

They stayed together for 15 years until she passed away and me and my sister used to visit them every week until our teens.

I never resented those children for taking my dad away, he treated those kids like shit, me and my sister were always the golden children, how they didn't hate us I don't know. We hated the OW though.

My dad did it. Left us for OW (mums friend) and her children (my best friend, my sisters best friend and my parents were godparents to the youngest)
It’s not unlikely at all

I think in many cases that is true OP. The men I know who have cheated, and left, have gone with women who are younger without kids. Including my father!

I do think it was running away from family life.

However all the men I know who have done this, have ended up with more children as their new partners were younger and wanted kids!

So instead of one family. They ran away and got two!

My stepdad separated from his wife, they had 3 small dc. He then went on to have relationships with 3 women who all had small kids. In 2 of those situations he left when the kids hit the terrible teenager years, except with my mum. My mum chose him over us and I was thrown out at 16 and my brother ended up in care

My dbro left SIL and dn(2), because he didn't want to do the mortgage /family thing, 3 months later he moved in with a mum of 4 under 10s (we all suspected the youngest baby was his but he still.denies it). Played dad to them for 5-6 years will visiting dn 2-3 times a year, then left them too.

I also think most men who cheat are just entitled or mid life crisis. I don’t think there are many many complicated reasons. And I don’t think it’s the relationship that is at fault most of the time.

Most people I know who didn’t cheat, but left a relationship, left because of the relationship.

Just happened to a friend her DH was having an affair with OW, she has 2 DC but they live with her DP, he has 3DC, they’ve moved in together. My friend won’t allow her DC to visit the OW in their house so her ex visits her ex family home hardly ever to see his own DC, I think her DC visit her in their new house.

That is exactly my ex's situation. Left for a woman 18 years younger, who now of course wants her own family,,,,, I am so glad I am not him, having to do over, all over again!

It's unlikely, but they do sometimes, apparently 75% of relationships that start in an affair end in splitsville

My dad left us for a woman with 3 younger DC who lived 200 miles away

I am also friends with someone whose partner and father of her child ran off with her best friend who also had 3 younger DC