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Original poster

In thinking that men don't leave their wives and children for an OW with kids?

112 replies

CheezePlant · 30/08/2019 18:34

Surely this is very unlikely to happen right? As it's just jumping from one family to another? And for the most part they leave because they can't cope with the whole family situation?

Correct me if I'm wrong. And I guess I CAN see that maybe some people who are both married just truly fall in love but how horrible to leave your own children to essentially go and live with someone else's?! How must that effect the children growing up too?

OP posts:
Sashkin · 30/08/2019 20:54

Happened to a friend of mine, too. Her dad left her mum for OW with three children and moved away with her, and told her he couldn't buy her any Christmas presents or afford to have her visit him because he was taking "his family" (not even his "new family", just "his family") to Disney. Arsehole.

HeavenlyEyes · 30/08/2019 20:56

ex left me for ow who had children and went onto have another. She then dumped him. He is nc with my DC. Hope he is nicer to the newer one.

MeadowHay · 30/08/2019 21:00

DH's DF did this. He was in a relationship with DH's DM whom he met when she was pregnant, he acted as the DC's DF and then also conceived DH. Later he left for an OW who was the wife of one of his best friend's, who had two DC in their marriage. They subsequently moved in together and had the OW's 2 DC live with them for 50 per cent of the time.

Al2O3 · 30/08/2019 21:01

You are very naive @CheezePlant

Men are more likely to go to a single female who wants babies than another who already has them. For she is just a handy shag.

A woman can be fertilised then dumped with little social penalty. But the woman is marginal for a man and they will attempt either a single female or married or attached one if they can see a possible life of excitement which they had before. Oh they want that freedom of responsibility.

Either way, the woman who shacks up with a cheating male, in every sense of the cheating world, has the odds stacked against her.

At best she will be left with suckling babies while trying to obtain a child maintenance order, as her male partner rides off into the sunset, on his Quest.

At worst, she doesn’t set her own agenda from the beginning or learn from her mistakes.

SequinnedSlippers · 30/08/2019 21:01

This thread is heartbreaking. It makes me really angry.

Original poster
CheezePlant · 30/08/2019 21:04

@SequinnedSlippers me too. Some people on here have been though some horrible shit Sad

OP posts:
pikapikachu · 30/08/2019 21:06

Of course they might.

If OW has much older kids (say teen) the parenting experience is very different- no nappies, kids waking at night etc The new couple can go to the bedroom, lick the door and shag all night or leave the kids at home and go to the pub.

He may have not met the kids yet and as stepfather can play the "we pay for our own kids" therefore getting a family at a cheaper price.

While the relationship is new, OW might not insist that he does 50% of chores/childcare etc

Al2O3 · 30/08/2019 21:12

I like to think that karma applies here. The cheating father loses out eventually. His kids, whether biologically or otherwise, get the picture. I think they will do. I have much belief in today’s teenagers.

Pixel99 · 30/08/2019 21:20

My ExH had several OW - more than one had children. I think he saw them as being "easy" as they were lonely and vulnerable and thus easy targets as they would be "grateful" this handsome charming man liked them. The reality was they were simply stroking his ego.
The irony of the OW that ultimately broke the marriage (I caught him on the phone to her and then learnt about all the others) was that she was cheating on her DH with my "DH", as he was out all the time spending money. She was prepared to leave her DD who was 1 when the affair started for a man who had racked up thousands in debt. I'd like to think she discovered about the others but I doubt it.
What hurt me though (other than the obvious) was he bought her DD gifts at Christmas / birthday when he left all that to me to buy for our DC. (I have a card her DD sent as a thank you)

user1493759849 · 30/08/2019 21:31

@CheezePlant

YANBU. Most men I know who leave the wife and the kids, leave for a woman with no kids. Very weird that so many posters seem to know loads of men who left their wife and kids for ANOTHER woman with kids. Coz most men I have known aim for a woman with no kids as they want a woman with no baggage... A man who is happy to fuck off and leave his wife and kids does not usually want to adopt the role of new daddy to his OW's kids!

Also, men never just leave.. They always have another woman. Don't have the courage to leave and actually fend for themselves. They need someone to wait on them hand and foot...

And yep, as I say, I have never known a man leave his wife for an OW who has children who live with her...

Why would he? He is leaving his wife and kids because he can't be arsed with the drudgery of family life, and the responsibilities that all entails.. Far better to have a footloose and fancy-free life with a young single woman.

And don't tell me 'there is more to a man leaving than just not wanting responsibility for the kids....' coz that's tosh... If this is the case, then why does he NEVER take the kids with him?

PavlovaFaith · 30/08/2019 21:33

My DF did 😍

Sotiredofthislife · 30/08/2019 21:34

My ex left me for a woman with three children. But that’s the point, isn’t it? He left me, not our children, even if by leaving me he was leaving the children behind for the majority of the time and even if for the last 12 years, his new families (there have been several!), have taken priority.

PavlovaFaith · 30/08/2019 21:34

Oh. Embarrassing Blush

Emoji was meant to be 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'll still to MN ones!

emilybrontescorsett · 30/08/2019 22:05

I know lots of men who have done this. My friends dad did. He left her mum and 2 kids for a woman with 4 kids. She never got over it.
Years ago we had friends and the man left his wife and kids for the next door neighbour who was pregnant with his child and had 3 other kids.
One of dhs work colleagues left his wife and 2 children for the ow. The ow’s eldest child ( she had 2) was best friends with the wife and husbands child.
I think most women have children so if a man of a certain age has an affair, it’s highly likely that the ow will already have at least one child.

justjuggling · 30/08/2019 22:05

My husband left me for a woman with a child. It happens!

Livelovebehappy · 30/08/2019 22:08

My dad did this. Left us for OW and her two DCs, but I made her life hell when I was a teen as I hated her. I think I might have partially caused them to split. I bet statistics would show that relationships when men leave to go into a family set up are more likely to fail, I guess because of the dramas created by dsc’s on both sides.

Ohyesiam · 30/08/2019 22:10

My dad left us for a woman with two sons, who called him dadShock
My step dad moved in with my mum my sister and I. I refused to call him dad.

Jemima232 · 30/08/2019 23:01

Are you surprised by all these stories @cheezplant

SimplySteveRedux · 30/08/2019 23:15

I'm really saddened by the stories here.

weegiemum · 30/08/2019 23:52

My mother did this - left us 3 children with my Dad for his best friend (her best friends husband) who left his 2 kids with their mum.

So no children responsibility at all, except at weekends and to begin with they tried to have all 5 of us EOW but that didn't take long to fall apart.

They moved away in the end, had their (golden child) dd and then left the country for several years.

I tried to retain a relationship but I've not spoken to her for 14 years now and it's a blessed relief. Delighted I've not had to let her selfishness and negativity affect my dc. I'm not the worlds best mother, but I'm better than her.

Lauraloop1516 · 31/08/2019 00:02

Happened to me when I was six weeks old and my sister was 2. 'Df' decided to play daddy to someone else's child. I'm now 31 and have never met him or spoke to him.

katesalwayslate · 31/08/2019 07:17

Of course it happens! You’re implying that men only leave their partners because they don’t like having children. Often they fall out of love with their partner and fall in love with someone else. Whether or not the OW has kids will affect some people’s decision but not others.

vampirethriller · 31/08/2019 07:57

My daughters father left while I was pregnant for a woman with two children.

emilybrontescorsett · 31/08/2019 09:00

Actually my old neighbours did this. He left his wife and 2 kids for another woman who had 2 kids. They then had a child together.

Courtney555 · 31/08/2019 09:14

Also, men never just leave.. They always have another woman. Don't have the courage to leave and actually fend for themselves. They need someone to wait on them hand and foot...

What the actual????? Grin

Ummmmmm, are you seriously under the illusion that a man can't leave a woman unless it's to run into someone elses arms? Some women are dickheads and their partners leave quite freely to be single because anything is better than sticking with that woman. Some men are dickheads and are told to leave because the woman would rather be single than stick with that man. People fall out of love. People go through money troubles. Life happens. People change.

My DH left his last gf because she suddenly got into religion in an obsessive way, of all the random things. We met as strangers on a night out when one of his mates came to chat up my mate, and he and I struck up conversation.

Please enlighten me how he left for another woman?

What about if a woman leaves a man? Can she only be leaving if it's to run to a new lover? Does your theory apply to both partners?

Such a bizarre way of looking at life Confused

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