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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m wasting my time with this man

113 replies

TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 17:50

First time posting on AIBU...here goes!
Will keep this brief. I’ve been dating a man for nearly three months now, he has been single for three years after a long term relationship ended.
He called me today while I was at work which is unusual for him and he told me he had just found out his ex has had a baby with her new partner and he is very upset. His exact words were: “I think I’m about to throw up.” He said he’d also called his mum as well to speak to her about it.
He said he thinks he would have taken the news much worse if he wasn’t dating me, as I’m a good distraction and we are getting on well Shock He said he couldn’t bare to be single knowing his ex is loved up and now has a baby.
I’m just surprised he felt the need to share that with me. He also said he wanted to congratulate her but was worried that would open old wounds. He then shared a quote on social media saying: “It should have been me.” Cue lots of people responding to that saying WTF is this about?
There’s been a few other comments during the course of this very brief relationship about how she was always ‘the one’ and how he’s finally forgiven himself for letting her go.
This is madness, right? And I should walk away?

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/08/2019 17:52

Definitely need to let him go, he's not a over her so can't give himself to you completely.

lemonyellowtangerine · 30/08/2019 17:53

You need to ask?!

elvis86 · 30/08/2019 17:53

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until the cringe-worthy Facebook post.

Absolutely pathetic. And disrespectful to you as his current GF.

LTB.

E4tcake · 30/08/2019 17:53

'This is madness, right? And I should walk away?'

Yes & yes

KB197 · 30/08/2019 17:54

Get out of that relationship. It just sounds like you’re a rebound and he’s using you to get over her. I read a statistic that something like 90 percent of rebound relationships fail. We can all feel a bit of emotion over ex’s. I felt a bit weird when my ex had a baby with his girlfriend but not to this extreme.

I once went out with a guy clearly not over his ex. It was awful. All he did was talk about her. Not normal to talk excessively about an ex.

How long have they been split considering she’s had time to have a baby with her new man?

One day you will find a man who actually wants you for genuine reasons!

Walk away!

Bigfatspiders · 30/08/2019 17:55

Yes. None of that sounds very good tbh OP.

KB197 · 30/08/2019 17:55

Also, I once had a friend who has serious issues with her ex. They had split up for a few years when he had a baby with someone else. She was clearly jealous or emotional I’m not sure. She posted things like the bitch has had her baby. I hate kids anyway. Calling the baby ugly. Slightly different scenario but it was pure jealousy it was vile. I learnt what kind of person she was and didn’t remain friends with her for long

SparklyMagpie · 30/08/2019 17:57

Oh without a doubt !!

And I'm sorry to say I did have a little giggle though at the pure cheek of what he said to you and hes an even bigger tosser if he a totally believes you'd stick around after him saying all of that

Get rid! You deserve so much more than that

Lipz · 30/08/2019 17:59

Oh dear, not a good choice words from him. Whatever we feel or think when an ex moves on its normal to be initially surprised but then we just get on with our lives. We don't say things like he is. He's definitely not over her and if he still speaks and behaves like this after 3 years I don't think I'd like to be with him. i Think I'd have to tell him that he's not ready for a relationship and you're not there to distract him from her.

Sorry

SparklyMagpie · 30/08/2019 17:59
  • actually not a totally
Original poster
TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 18:00

@KB197 they’ve been split up three years, she left him. He’s been playing the field since and then met me and said he I’m the first woman since his ex that he’s wanted to pursue a relationship with.

Yes the cringe factor was strong with the FB post, my toes were curled up like pencil shavings when I saw it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 18:02

Thank you everyone. Unanimous YANBU so far.

Feel a bit sad to walk away to be honest because we do have a great time together but this has just put a dampener on it and I’d be a mug to hang around

OP posts:
Comps83 · 30/08/2019 18:02

Oh please end this
Don’t be his rebound
It’s very early days so get out now, he isn’t thinking about your emotions at all here

Whatisthisfuckery · 30/08/2019 18:03

Not wanting to be single because your ex isn’t so you need a distraction is hardly a sound foundation for a healthy relationship.

And also, I hate people who write those attention seeking bate posts on SM. Either say what you mean or fuck off.

Original poster
TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 18:04

Just to add: he said “you should be pleased I’m telling you all this. If I was really bothered by it I would have kept it to myself rather than share it with you” Erm....but you ARE bothered mate!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 18:05

@Whatisthisfuckery yes yes to the cryptic/attention seeking SM posts. No need for it.

OP posts:
YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 30/08/2019 18:05

God yeah get rid of him, for the cringey fb post alone!

Grambler · 30/08/2019 18:07

I’m the first woman since his ex that he’s wanted to pursue a relationship with

Translation: you're the latest woman since his ex that he's tried to pursue a relationship with until she realised he's a bit weird

Raphael34 · 30/08/2019 18:08

He’s literally just called you a ‘distraction’ and admitted he wants to be with his ex. What more do you need to make you walk away?

NeatFreakMama · 30/08/2019 18:10

The social media post alone would make me leave, what is he a teenager? You're more important, I'd say walk away.

Jemima232 · 30/08/2019 18:11

Well translated Grambler.

Mildpanic · 30/08/2019 18:12

Wow. You need to do yourself a favour and walk away now. He sounds totally self absorbed and I think his ex had a lucky escape as well.

Original poster
TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 18:12

@neatfreakmama I know, it’s very juvenile. This is a man in his 30s we’re talking about here 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
youwouldthink · 30/08/2019 18:14

No no don't walk away. . .
Run. . Fast

Frownette · 30/08/2019 18:16

Onwards and upwards, you deserve better