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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’m wasting my time with this man

113 replies

TheNameChanger1 · 30/08/2019 17:50

First time posting on AIBU...here goes!
Will keep this brief. I’ve been dating a man for nearly three months now, he has been single for three years after a long term relationship ended.
He called me today while I was at work which is unusual for him and he told me he had just found out his ex has had a baby with her new partner and he is very upset. His exact words were: “I think I’m about to throw up.” He said he’d also called his mum as well to speak to her about it.
He said he thinks he would have taken the news much worse if he wasn’t dating me, as I’m a good distraction and we are getting on well Shock He said he couldn’t bare to be single knowing his ex is loved up and now has a baby.
I’m just surprised he felt the need to share that with me. He also said he wanted to congratulate her but was worried that would open old wounds. He then shared a quote on social media saying: “It should have been me.” Cue lots of people responding to that saying WTF is this about?
There’s been a few other comments during the course of this very brief relationship about how she was always ‘the one’ and how he’s finally forgiven himself for letting her go.
This is madness, right? And I should walk away?

OP posts:
Viticulture · 31/08/2019 00:31

Imagine that one day you became his ex after seeing him long term. You'd have to put up with all that whiny bullshit and stalking for 3 years like this poor other woman. Hopefully he gets over you a bit faster, but brace yourself!!

FeeFee832 · 31/08/2019 00:35

Oh Sad
Definitely end it. Slightly unhinged too... sorry OP Xx

Wavey123 · 31/08/2019 05:54

Congrats OP, glad you found out now rather than further down the line.

Just goes to show that posting cringey quotes on Facebook is never a good idea!

thinkingcapon · 31/08/2019 06:19

You are ace
Wish more folk were like you x

HollyBollyBooBoo · 31/08/2019 06:28

Well done Op! My God he showed his true colours during that break up conversation didn't he!

On to the next x

MerryDeath · 31/08/2019 07:43

EURGH

TheNameChanger1 · 31/08/2019 10:31

I am so glad I posted on here. The real life advice I got was (mostly) to talk to him about it and to see ‘how things go’. I do feel better for walking away, just a bit disappointed things didn’t work out but I don’t want to be someone’s second choice/rebound.
Thank you for the lovely comments - honestly blown away by how nice everyone has been Flowers

OP posts:
redastherose · 31/08/2019 10:50

Well done OP, you definitely deserve better. He was a wanker for telling you the she was 'the one' originally. What was he trying to do, make you think you had to try harder! Also, definitely trying to gaslight you saying you'd got it wrong.

The right man is out there, never settle for being someone's consolation prize.

Jeds55 · 31/08/2019 11:24

Well done OP for having the courage to end things and to not be swayed by his pathetic attempts to backtrack (am sure they'll be more to come). No one deserves to be second best

georgialondon · 31/08/2019 11:30

Onwards and upwards!

neverornow · 31/08/2019 13:08

Well done OP, I'm so glad you had the self respect to dump him Thanks
I hope the next guy you meet turns out to be amazing!

healththrowawayx · 01/09/2019 15:44

Wow you absolutely made the right decision! Congratulations for having the courage/self love to do so. Your friends we’re telling you to stick it out, but honestly that’s such bad advice when you know this situation is not what you want, he sounds awful

TwentyEight12 · 01/09/2019 15:56

He hasn’t come to terms with his past relationship and I would say that he is being acutely honest with you about that.

He his essentially employing you as a shoulder and a cushion, or what is otherwise widely known as a rebound.

Yes, I would move on. It is not for you to make it all better for him. It isn’t going to be possible to invest in this relationship with him as it seems he is partially invested elsewhere.

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