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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse DD “poverty” lunch?

263 replies

questions3900 · 30/08/2019 12:09

DD is an elite athlete training many hours. We pay for hot school meals at lunch time as she does long hours straight after school. She phoned me to say that it was announced in form today is poverty lunch where they will have a cup of soup to feel the hardship some people go through and the money saved by not providing full hot food options goes straight to charity. DD called to ask if I would bring snacks for on the way to training. I called the school to complain and they have DD given a full normal lunch. DD is livid and embarrassed. AIBU to think as parents we should at least be told if this is planned? If it I had known in advanced I could have prepared food for on the way to training but I rely on the hot food I pay for her to have at school otherwise.

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 31/08/2019 19:20

I am assuming private school if all pupils had soup and you pay upfront for the meal (you make it sound like there is no choice of food which state schools have).

How old is your DD and does she enjoy what she does?

reginafelangee · 31/08/2019 19:29

'Poverty lunch' what a smug, patronising idea.

Plus there will be kids at the school are already living in poverty and their only hot meal will be their school lunch.

icedgem85 · 31/08/2019 19:34

What a shitty idea, I hope it's a pricey fee-paying school otherwise some kids' cheeks will be burning because that will just be a normal meal to them. They needed to give you notice of it, then you'd have been prepared or could have opted out IF that's what your daughter wanted. I think YWNBU to complain but shouldn't have got her 'poverty lunch' cancelled as that was embarrassing for her, you should have just brought extra food - although I don't know if that was your decision or theirs, if it was yours then YWBU to do it without your daughter's support.

manicmij · 31/08/2019 19:46

Surely if you pay for a full lunch then that is what should be provided. The school should have consulted. What about those for whom having a hot meal at school is their main meal of the day.

Mummyshark2019 · 31/08/2019 20:11

Yanbu OP. Stupid initiative from the school.

Moonmaker · 31/08/2019 20:46

Yanbu, it should have been a choice

mamaraah · 31/08/2019 21:19

Lol 😂 I take it dd attends a posh private school? Private schools are always doing this 'poverty meal' thing, soup, baked potatoes, pot noodle etc .....

threatmatrix · 31/08/2019 21:29

Isaywhatnow
inadequately fed!! How fuvking ridiculous some kids live on a born of rice. Soup is more than enough. No wonder everyone is fat nowadays. You said very pompous.

Aridane · 31/08/2019 23:11

Irrespective of what posters think of the initiative, of course the poor DD must have been mortified

CmdrVimes · 31/08/2019 23:23

This used to do my head in also, these charity events that one is obliged to do.

One week near harvest festival, my kids were rooting through our food cupboards, I asked what was wrong and they said that their teachers had told them they HAD to take something in, even if it was "just a tin" or they would receive a detention and bad behaviour points.

I was livid, I can barely put meals on our table, losing 2 tins of food would be 2 meals, one for each child, or a lunch for adults or something, it was just not good enough. I sent them in with them to stop their friends picking on them, but I emailed the school and complained. I got an apology, that the teachers should not have threatened that. (which tells me they ACTUALLY did, not just that my kids were making it up)

I also hate non-uniform days, where they pay £1 each to wear non-uniform, if they don't donate they have to go in school uniform. One of these days my kids didn't tell me in advance so they went in uniform and they were bullied rotten by their peers for "not being able to afford a quid!" Again I complained, but this time it got me nowhere.

Forced donations to charity are REALLY not on.

CmdrVimes · 31/08/2019 23:28

BUT, saying that, soup was adequate, unless it was like less than a cup a soup.

Even an "ELITE" athlete can survive without having their full calories for just one day. (I'm also interested in what "Elite" athlete means)

You should have been told, yes, but forcing them to give your daughter a full lunch was out of order. Your Daughter would have been ok missing one "hot meal" especially if it were soup that was offered instead.

So you ARE, but then you're NOT being unreasonable.

Annoyed at them for doing this without you being consulted - reasonable

Forcing them to provide your Daughter with a full meal - unreasonable.

gospelsinger · 31/08/2019 23:34

It is quite annoying to name a lunch as a 'poverty lunch'. I'd be annoyed with it as it would mean if I try and serve soup at home, kids will call it a poverty meal. It would actually would make them become snobby.

DD's NCS group did a fantastic way of teaching kids about managing in poverty. Gave a group of 10 kids £10 and they had to feed the group for the whole day. They learnt a lot that day.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 31/08/2019 23:56

School would have told her or you depending on age.

supermommyof4 · 01/09/2019 00:12

I'd be annoyed id want what i pay for. You should have been asked. I hate this idea that we should force people into giving to charity. No its a choice..some people are already struggling to make ends meet and giving to charity is the last thing on our minds when trying to make sure our children have food, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs. I will help out charities where I can and i bake for my son's work place every year for the Macmillan coffee morning..and will happy drop money in charity boxes as and when we can so i am not against charity but not when it is forced on me.

LemonPrism · 01/09/2019 00:29

The whole idea is gross. Like poverty porn. 'Let them eat cake'

LaMainDeFatima · 01/09/2019 00:44

She should bave done it. Might have given her and you insight into how many athletes in the third world train .

pallisers · 01/09/2019 00:52

My son's school did a Hunger Banquet at his school when he was 14. I thought it was a great idea.

Basically they told no one in advance - not parents not students. On the day it happened when you walked into the cafeteria you were told to pick a token from a bag. If you got one type of token you were given a very nice lunch. If you were given another you were given a decent one - sandwich and drink and salad. If you were given the third you got a piece of bread and water. The tokens were given out in the same proportion of poverty/food hunger in the world. Loads of bread and water guys, some decent lunches, very few lovely lunches. The athletes - and this school was big and successful in sports - were expected to suck it up for one day and still go to practice.

It was designed to show them how random it is that you get lots and other don't and how many human beings are in poverty. and that people in poverty who don't have proper food still have to go about life - you don't get a pass because you can't have lunch.

I think you missed something here OP - and made your dd miss it too.

Loveyou3000 · 01/09/2019 01:49

It's not really "random" though is it, pallisers.
I find it all a bit patronising and pointless, having been homeless and living on next to nothing or the food bank parcels I was allowed to get 3 times a year.

pallisers · 01/09/2019 02:00

It's not really "random" though is it, pallisers.

Well it was random in the sense that 400 priveleged students walked into the cafeteria. 300 of them got bread and water. 75 of them got a sandwich. 25 of them got a lovely lunch. It was randomly assigned by picking a number. The point was that the people who live in dire poverty didn't chose it or do something to deserve it - they were randomly assigned it by birth.

BizzzzyBee · 01/09/2019 02:06

Ridiculous idea from the school and I’d have taken it further and complained to the education board or council etc. Kids with diabetes or other medical issues can’t just miss a meal! And being hungry is not conducive to learning. Also if you’re bringing snacks to replace the lunch it totally defeats the object anyway!

TheClaws · 01/09/2019 02:21

OP, please don’t make a habit of doing this. I know a parent who continually calls or emails the school about “issues”. (They’re not issues to normal parents, usually.) Her daughter has been embarrassed since kindergarten and has been teased about it, too - kids know and they aren’t kind. Please think about that.

squeekums · 01/09/2019 03:21

I'd be pissy
There should have been notification for the parents so an alternative lunch could be sent from home
I choose if and when we support a charity, I won't have that dictated to me.
Makes me glad in a way that we have to supply lunch, means dd won't ever be stuck with this crap.

wonderwhat · 01/09/2019 05:45

I’d be livid at this too. I donate lots to charity but I wouldn’t want it forced on me. I also struggle with my child’s weight and eating. He also suffers from low blood sugar and passes out regularly at school. It’s a constant battle to get enough calories into him. A skipped lunch would not work for us and I’d be annoyed if I wasn’t informed in advance so that I could sort out extra provisions for him

notyourhandmaid · 01/09/2019 06:19

It's a well-intentioned but wildly problematic way of raising student awareness. Of course your daughter's upset, though; she was singled out - it might be more strategic to say to her 'sorry, I overreacted, tell your mates it was me and not you!' rather than trying to win the ideological battle at this point. (There will be other opportunities.)

mamaraah · 01/09/2019 10:05

Op you are complaining so much it is embarrassing for you. From the sounds of things you yourself should try a poverty lunch ( or dinner) once in a while.