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Original poster

To be furious about my wedding

807 replies

Itsalltoomuch19 · 30/08/2019 07:35

So got married yesterday and want to point out it was amazing day full of the people I love and care about the most. But one thing caused me hours of stress and I think I should complain.
Our venue doesn’t have an actual marriage license so you get ‘married’ in a barn and I paid £500 for a celebrant to conduct the ceremony we met with her before and told her no one knew we were getting married a fews before and the people from the venue were coming to be witnesses so as no one felt they were not left out and both sets of parents had contributed a lot to this wedding so I didn’t want them being annoyed. An hour before I arrive my DH text me to say the celebrant has told his mum that we got married last week, he mum was upset and then asked my mum if she knew. I think she wanted to find out if my mum had been invited and not her, so now both sets of parents knew and were upset. This is all before I got there so I felt so upset and stressed by it as we didn’t want this to happen and she knew that.
Even the venue were limited and said they have never had a celebrant do this before and they have 3-5 weddings every week for the last 5 years! I really want to email her stating how stressed she made me feel and caused a bit of tension on the day but my DH thinks it’s done now we just need to face our parents today and explain the reasons and leave it

OP posts:
AccioCats · 30/08/2019 17:11

I should hope so too at a week in!

diddl · 30/08/2019 17:12

"I thought I was making things easier"

In what way though?

Don't most people have the ceremony in a place big enough to hold those they want there?

Clearly the venue was important to you-more than people seeing you be married!

timshelthechoice · 30/08/2019 17:24

Keep telling yourself that. The venue and frivolity was more important than being truthful.

OddBoots · 30/08/2019 17:27

Glad it was all so easily sorted in the end.

milveycrohn · 30/08/2019 17:27

Confusion arises because a traditional church wedding in the UK (well I think the whole of the UK), was also the legal marriage as well, and the church minister/priest also acts as the registrar. Contrary to what an earlier poster said, I believe this also applied to ‘standard’ non conformist churches, such as Methodist and Baptist, but not to some chapels. A relative ‘married’ in a Brethren Chapel, and in his case the ‘registrar’ had to be present, which did not apply to the others, although the registrar took no part in the religious service whatsoever.
I was married in a Registry Office, and as an earlier poster said, there is a ‘declaration’ that both parties have to make, and there must be 2 witnesses (as well as signing, etc).
The CofE have a standard formula (words/vows) for the marriage service, which I think was adopted for use by Methodist and Baptist churches, so these vows are very familiar to us, but are not the legal bit at all. In fact, we have often heard of modern couples (Royalty?) omitting the bit with ‘obey’ in it.
When the law changed, and marriages could take place elsewhere, then this is conducted by a registrar (if licensed). From what I understand, it should not have any religious bits in it, though I presume it can do, if the registrar does the main declaration.
Obviously, I know very little about weddings in other faiths.

AccioCats · 30/08/2019 17:30

Diddl
it’s fair enough to hold a very small wedding ceremony and then have a fuck off big party to celebrate a week later, if the venue is really important to you but isn’t licensed for weddings.

The issue is lying about it. Just wouldn’t occur to most people to be dishonest. But there you go.

BlueJava · 30/08/2019 17:30

Don't want to de-rail anything here and I'm pleased it's turned out well for the OP in the end... but I'm glad I'm not married. Seems to entail massive drama!

Cockerpooowner · 30/08/2019 17:31

I'm going against the grain here but you were already married before the venue wedding and the original wedding date is your anniversary and the date you got married.
I got married at the registry office with 2 witnesses. No venue or reception. Does that mean I'm not married? Because you and others on here are minimising that part as just paperwork, nothing important, but that was my whole wedding day. I really don't think that is a nice way to speak. Not everyone wants a huge party etc.
Your parents should have been told because your second ceromony was not you getting married.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 30/08/2019 17:31
Hmm Yeah. All marriages mean this much drama. What a weird thing to say.
NerrSnerr · 30/08/2019 17:38

but I'm glad I'm not married. Seems to entail massive drama!

Do you genuinely think all weddings/ marriages entail this much drama (or indeed any?)

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/08/2019 17:38

but I'm glad I'm not married. Seems to entail massive drama!

Surely the drama comes from lying not because it was a wedding. It's pretty melodramatic to say weddings entail massive drama when 99% involve no drama at all.

WillowPeach · 30/08/2019 17:38

Doesn’t take some posters of Mumsnet long to get on their high horse.

OP you’ve done nothing wrong. Your wedding ceremony was admin - I imagine you kept it at a minimum so the legalities were covered? I assume the ceremony at your venue is where you exchanged vows and rings etc? I can understand why you’re upset but I wouldn’t complain. Enjoy being newlyweds and forget about all about this shit storm of a thread.

And congratulations!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/08/2019 17:41

Your wedding ceremony was admin

Can people stop spouting this crap it's not admin it's literally the bit where you get married. All the other parts are immaterial, the vows and signing the marriage register are not just admin.

Alsohuman · 30/08/2019 17:42

Oh God, not the bloody admin thing again. The registry office was where she got married whatever she thinks.

AccioCats · 30/08/2019 17:43

Wedding was ‘admin’ GrinGrin

AccioCats · 30/08/2019 17:45

Oh and I agree, best way to avoid drama is not to start a ridiculous lie which involves other people colluding.

I had a very small wedding followed the next day buy a fuck off big partaaay! No dramas.

AccioCats · 30/08/2019 17:45

by

LondonJax · 30/08/2019 17:54

@butterflywings37 I pointed out that celebrants can't legally marry you because you replied to @HappyGirl86 post with well your area sounds very different to most and there is nothing you have said there that a Celebrant (who will have spent several months working 1:1 with a couple to get to know them) couldn't do

Happy Girl had said in her post 'The best bit.....people are legally married too! '

So I was just pointing out for the uninitiated who may think a celebrant is the same as a registrar that they are not and there is one thing in Happy Girl's post that a celebrant obviously cannot do. A celebrant cannot legally marry anyone. Happy Girl can because she is a registrar.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 30/08/2019 17:55

Itsalltoomuch19 Did you find out how the truth came out? Like how did it come up between MIL and the celebrant? I'm still curious!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 30/08/2019 18:02

Personally I wouldn't email them, but if you do, then get someone to proof read it first as your original post was very confusing to read.

siring1 · 30/08/2019 18:17

Typical of the Me Me Me generation

Tells a lie.
Expects everbody to lie to cover their lie.
When the lie is exposed doesn't fee guilty just feels angry. Coz it's just not fair they were caught.

TabbyMumz · 30/08/2019 18:19

You could have always asked for a bigger room at the registry office op, or chosen a different date when a bigger room was available.

FrancisCrawford · 30/08/2019 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

butterflywings37 · 30/08/2019 19:08

@LondonJax ah I get to get you meant - I was referring to the personalisation aspects identified not the legality part, but accept I wasn't clear.

butterflywings37 · 30/08/2019 19:09

Ah I get what you mean* is what I meant to write