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Original poster

To think that I have the most petty neighbours in the world?

249 replies

Reallybadidea · 29/08/2019 22:04

Previous complaints have included:

  • the sound of our bathroom extractor fan is annoying
  • our dogs look at their dogs through the fence (not barking, just looking)
  • our standard 6ft high fence causes too large a shadow
  • our visitors parking in front of our own house which is where the neighbours like to park

And the latest: there is an apple in their garden and they don't own an apple tree. We do, therefore we must have thrown this apple into her garden. Even if we did (which we didn't) it's just a fucking apple for Pete's sake Hmm

Has anyone got neighbours who have even more trivial complaints, or do I win some sort of prize?

OP posts:
Hanywany · 31/08/2019 18:35

Oh and her boyfriend at the time would grope himself infront of my daughter deliberately!!!! Disgusting Angry

DarlingNikita · 31/08/2019 18:39

Is there any way you could get hold of a coco de mer?

You mean a giant bum-nut? Excellent idea. Grin

Adultchild · 31/08/2019 18:40

These do make me chuckle!

I lived in a purpose built flat once and a (20s?) woman from the next door ground floor flat knocked on my door to scream at me - literally scream - about the bin men putting her wheelie bin outside my gate not hers.

I nearly laughed but was worried she'd hit me!

In the end I had to say "I do find you are being very aggressive" where upon she responded with the old chestnut "I'm not being aggressive, I'm just being assertive".

Go with the varieties of fruit OP Grin

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 31/08/2019 18:40

Tolerable's first post reads like an e e cummings poem.

Funguy · 31/08/2019 18:53

My neighbour humps a mysterious somebody, or somebodies on a particular night of the week.( fortunately on one night atmo)It cannot be described as loving sex, it really is humping/shagging/boning/bonking/slanking
This is very noisy and I get the fake Sally in the deli noises and bed crashing on something ( floor? wall?). It does not last long, thankfully, and sometimes he leaves directly.Sometimes she lets out lovely tinkling laughter to show how lovely it was.
Sometimes I crash a cupboard door to help the general effect.( and vent my ire at being woken).
I am pretty sure we are meant to hear the donkey noises.
I could report her but in advance, she already reported me for something truly pathetic just in case and as a warning. ( it's similar to flushing a loo).
She also flirts loudly with any man passing and one of the other neighbours is enamoured has heard her shagging

theluckiest · 31/08/2019 19:02

Some of these stories are Shock

When we moved in, the elderly lady next door complained that our dog had escaped into her garden and she knew this as there was a huge turd in the middle of the lawn.

DH apologised profusely but we were Hmm. We checked the fence thoroughly and later pointed out to NDN that unless our dog had grown wings, flown over the enormous hedge & fence, shat and flown back again, there was no way Luckydog could be the culprit.

Kept happening & NDN was getting very cross with us until we heard NDN's daughter calling her into the garden, laughing as there was a local fox taking a dump. Grin

OP, I suggest you start launching unusual fruits into the garden...eg. Sharon fruit, guava, horned melon, kumquats, etc. It could be a fun guessing game like on 'Masterchef'

MrsLinManuelMiranda · 31/08/2019 19:07

When I was a child our family had neighbours who would complain if any one in the street was washing their car and soapy water dared to trickle in front of their garden! None of the kids in the street would bother to ask for their ball back if it went in their garden. My current neighbours that back on to my garden complained to my DH when he built a garden room shed because......... It blocked their view of our dining room.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 31/08/2019 19:10

Chuck a dildo or butt plug over the fence, then come back and tell us about the resulting conversation.

olbndansmummy · 31/08/2019 19:10

Our unlovely NDN wrote a 2 page essay to my dh work to complain that he parked his company van on the street outside our house and that if the came to look through our rubbish they would see all the beer cans, so he was obviously not fit to drive or work for them. When she blocked our drive and was asked to move her dp threatened to kill my dh, neighbours over the street called the police and we were given a crime number and had them done for harassment. Twats

Jinxed2 · 31/08/2019 19:12

Our neighbour used to shout at our guinea pigs when they were squeaking

Funguy · 31/08/2019 19:16

Somebody recently complained that I had parked my car with all the doors swinging open and cars were swerving to avoid this apparent disaster.It's a really quiet, leafy area with a wide road and...
This didn't happen.
My car was locked.

tillytoodles1 · 31/08/2019 19:23

We moved into a flat with a communal laundry room over five years ago. We were packing the house up, I got rid of my washer and dryer. so one day we were taking stuff to the flat so I decided to do some washing. As I was putting it in, someone else came and I explained I was the new neighbour.

I don't know what she thought I said, but she tells everyone that I'm a gypsy and do the camps washing in the laundry.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 19:24

Ffs I would just laugh in their faces.then throw dog poo over the fence.
Shit happens and you have them as neighbours.

harriethoyle · 31/08/2019 19:27

Oh OP you have my sympathy... I moved in January to get away from horrendous neighbours and now my nearest NDNs are 4 fields up. It's BLISS.

Please, please, please do the escalating fruit idea. It's genuis Grin

slipperywhensparticus · 31/08/2019 19:31

My neighbour complained my pumpkin had grown in their garden

My mom has a hedge it is on the boundary (her side it's her hedge) for years she kept it nice and nice neighbour's let her pop over and trim it on there side (it's on a driveway she didn't need to knock or anything) she would clean up after herself etc etc they sold up and new neighbour's didn't like her cutting her hedge so they cut it only they decided they wanted it about six inches higher than she did my moms hedge now has a step in it her side and theirs 😂😂😂

manicmij · 31/08/2019 19:42

You have won the prize in my estimation.

ImNotYourGranny · 31/08/2019 19:46

Mine complains a lot because we make so much noise that his wife has to take medication. His number one complaint is that DH leaves for work too early. Apparently it's completely anti-social to start you car engine before 7.00 am. What is he supposed to do, push it down the road?

Then there's the snow. Who knew that you could shovel snow too loudly.

browneyes77 · 31/08/2019 19:56

Well this morning my neighbour in the flat below called me a ‘nig**r’ (I’m mixed race), because I had the audacity to say something to her about the fact she woke the entire block up at 6:15am banging and slamming stuff and having a full blown argument calling her male friend the F and C words and telling him to “suck his dead mom” in the communal hallways and outside the block, all with her 2 year old son watching.....

ODFOx · 31/08/2019 20:07

We're selling the flat my ex left to the children because of batshit neighbours. We were renting it out but each owners association meeting is one long diatribe on the unacceptable habits of every tenant (it's 18 flats where 5 are owners and the rest tenanted).
Every month another tenant is targeted and the landlord gets daily messages passed through an agent.

'Ask your tenants not to have the Juliette doors open when cooking as we can smell foreign food. 'Ask your tenants to wash their car less often' Ask your tenants to put the wheely bin out half a metre to the left of where it is now' 'Ask your tenants not to leave a window open overnight as it attracts criminals' 'Ask your tenants not to have visitors after 6pm as we can hear people on the stairs' 'Ask your tenants not to cook spicy food' 'Ask your tenants not to use the communal garden as owners should get first use'. Basically it's a race issue. Those with white male tenants don't have the semi-annual joy.

Things came to a head when lunatic downstairs tried to pull our window fitter off his ladder and the police were called. Apparently the man wasn't doing the window 'the right way'.

I can't imagine having to live next to people like this. All pp with issues have my sympathy.

YoTheGinPussyOfStMawesOnThigh · 31/08/2019 20:15

Jinxed2 I love guineapigs, please come and live next door to me. They can squeak to their hearts content.

Arrowfanatic · 31/08/2019 20:25

I used to live in a massionette alone buy my DH (then boyfriend) would stay around his shifts. I worked full time & did kickboxing 5 nights a week so was rarely home and if i was I'd be watching tv & early to bed. Nothing exciting.

Anyway, NDN started to complain to my renting agency about odd things like i didnt put any rubbish out one week, or I'd let the grass grow too long. Mostly ignored. One day I'm at work & my agency phones. NDN has called to say i had an all night party that the police had to attend. I informed them i absolutely had not, that i was at work till 7.30pm and just watched tv and the police coming was my boyfriend who had just had new tyres put on his police motorbike and they have to have so many miles run in before it can go on response duty so he had whizzed it down to me from London so i got a quick visit from him for 10 minutes (literally long enough for him to pee & say hi) before he was gone & i was off to bed.

Dangerfloof · 31/08/2019 20:40

Seems there are more batshit neighbours than sane ones. I currently live on a lovely street but previously I lived in a semi bungalow, 1 bed. The other side of the semi was originally 5 bed, couple years ago made into a 7 bed. We never got on, I hated the man who owned the next doors. He would accost Male visitors in the hopes they would educate little me into behaving like a good little girl (acquiesce to his every whim) just to make clear Male visitors means friends or husbands of friends.
So I have left the house and rent it out now. He collared me soon after the move (only moved about a mile) to very politely ask me, if I'm planning to sell, can I please give him first refusal and he would do the same. How I would afford a 7 bed and what the fuck I would do with it I dunno.
I know why he wants mine, to extend his. That wont work with a three storey and one storey but eh! Anyway safe to say if I ever had to sell, he is the last person I would sell to.
In fact I would take a lower price rather than sell to him.

NoraEphronsneck · 31/08/2019 20:54

Most of my neighbours are rabid Nimbies but a few stand out.

One year when it showed all the families with young children were out playing and building snowmen. Cue bonkers red-faced neighbour rushing across the road to tell us "you should be in your back gardens doing that sort of thing. We shouldn't have to put up with it.

Also NDN who say in their front Window whenever they were in knocked to ask if my visitors could not have at them when they saw them!

Same neighbours complained that our wheelie bin spoiled their view from same front Window on bin day so would we mind waiting for the dustbin men to arrive in our street before putting it out. They've moved now thankfully.

NoraEphronsneck · 31/08/2019 20:56

Bloody autocorrect! That should read 'wave ' not have.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 31/08/2019 20:59

I chucked a grape over tonight Blush

OP posts: