To think that I have the most petty neighbours in the world?

[Reallybadidea]

Previous complaints have included:

• the sound of our bathroom extractor fan is annoying
• our dogs look at their dogs through the fence (not barking, just looking)
• our standard 6ft high fence causes too large a shadow
• our visitors parking in front of our own house which is where the neighbours like to park

And the latest: there is an apple in their garden and they don't own an apple tree. We do, therefore we must have thrown this apple into her garden. Even if we did (which we didn't) it's just a fucking apple for Pete's sake

Has anyone got neighbours who have even more trivial complaints, or do I win some sort of prize?

Thatssomebadhatharry omg pissed myself laughing, these comments are hilarious

I agree with @phenomenalcat throw a different fruit over every day.

Yep - one random fruit item a week.

Maybe start with a pear and work your way up through the fruit stall to a coconut on Christmas morning

"A whole tin of fruit salad"

I'd also throw their plums back.

I had a neighbour once who knocked on my door, screaming and shouting that I hadn't picked up my dog's poo and it was stinking her garden out.

It had been pouring with rain for days, and any poo left in the garden was, quite literally, a watery mess soaked into the grass. How the fuck I was supposed to have picked it up is beyond me .

Our old neighbours complained because I hung out washing on Sundays. V elderly. I drew in breath. DH commissioned our handy man to build a little wall, with trellis round it and planted clematis and Jasmine to make them happy.

We got to know them v well over 20 years. We were with her at the hospital when he died.

OP, I do hope you are planning a massive flashing display of lights on your house this Christmas? As many as you can manage and some tinny irritating music too.

@StoneofDestiny

The complaint about our dogs and their nosey-ness was made to the parish council. I didn't actually feel it was necessary to make any response.

DH has been on the receiving end of most of the other complaints. He says his method is to just say something like "right, I'll bear that in mind" then shut the door.

Loving the other tales of batshit neighbours BTW.

@Pollywollydolly - that’s hilarious! Like your child is some kind of pied piper 😂

PLEASE place a plum next to an unused sanitary towel in their garden. Xx Response could be amusing. Xx

"Tin of fruit salad"

Maybe offer them an apple from your tree

Our neighbours wanted us to remove a shrub from our garden and replace it with a shrub of their choice because it would blend in better with the shrubs around it and they would enjoy looking at it from their lounge window. 🤷‍♀️

They complained to the parish council? About that? Is that what people at a parish council have to deal with? How do I get on the parish council? 🤣

I can’t be bothered to complain when my neighbours make actual noise or something never mind this kind of stuff!

I can’t believe people complain about what they can see out of their window like a car or a shrub they don’t like, do people really just sit and look out of their windows? Odd.

Treat them ......drop kick a Durian Fruit over the fence

Think you DH's response is fine -they are probably perceived as batshit by others too.

My friend’s neighbours knocked on her in their pyjamas and dressing gowns at 9pm and told her she had disturbed their sleep by flushing her toilet. They went to bed at 8.30pm every night and thought she should not flush her loo or have a shower after those times.

Hahaha, I wonder if she had the same neighbours as me? They used to go to bed at crazy early o clock and would then complain we were ‘stomping’, i.e. walking normally up and down the stairs, waking them up by putting our bin out at, gasp, 9pm and closing our back door too loudly in the middle of the afternoon. Why on earth they didn’t buy a detached house I don’t know.

The funny thing is I overheard her in the garden one Sunday complaining to a family member about how we’d had her up all night the night before. We hadn’t even been in.

I’d be tempted to provide them with a full fucking fruit salad

Umm.. how did your dogs look through the fence at their dogs, when you are not allowed to put a fence up

Can we refrain from putting flowers on our windowsill because they can’t see our dog who likes to sit there

you could complain to the parish council about your batshit neighbours and list the weird things they have whinged about.
Could be a regular column!

The man from Del Monte say yes! (Chuck the tinned pineapples over!)

I think dogs looking at each other is the most batshit complaint!
My neighbour enjoys making malicious and fake complaints about me to the council. Never speaks to me but does make a hobby out of spying on me and the other neighbours.
Every time his complaint fails he waits a couple of months and then comes up with another.
His actual problem is thinking that I'm not posh enough.

Can we refrain from putting flowers on our windowsill because they can’t see our dog who likes to sit there

Aww that's kinda sweet. Annoying though I guess

These comments are hilarious, I’m extremely petty so I’d definitely throw random fruit over hang out lots of sexy underwear for their viewing pleasure and ask their dog to stop being a perverted peeping tom or your dog will sue for harassment (within their ear shot of course )
I have a crazy neighbour who stands by her car whenever neighbourhood children play outside (we have a large grass area with houses around it like a cul de sac) the children are no where near her car but she watches them, hand on hip, making sure they don’t come any closer ‘just incase’