To think that I have the most petty neighbours in the world?

[Reallybadidea]

Previous complaints have included:

• the sound of our bathroom extractor fan is annoying
• our dogs look at their dogs through the fence (not barking, just looking)
• our standard 6ft high fence causes too large a shadow
• our visitors parking in front of our own house which is where the neighbours like to park

And the latest: there is an apple in their garden and they don't own an apple tree. We do, therefore we must have thrown this apple into her garden. Even if we did (which we didn't) it's just a fucking apple for Pete's sake

Has anyone got neighbours who have even more trivial complaints, or do I win some sort of prize?

Haha my dog looks through the fence at the neighbours dog. Ridiculous.

My next door neighbour would prowl around the perimeter of the house peering through windows and shouting for his no-good son. Why he thought we would welcome a mid 20’s layabout into our house I have no idea. We moved.

My next-door neighbours were hammering on my door at 2am last night . Fortunately I was awake anyway practicing on my drum kit.

I used to have a Shih Tzu. He was a gobby little sod who thought he was big. Our NDN had the care of his daughters two GSD dogs for a month while she went on holiday. They were having a ding dong through the fence so I picked up my little dog so we could chat in peace. On the upswing the NDN took the dog out of my arms though so there is this little bandy man who had just had his second hip replacement holding my squirming wriggling little dog over the top of these two GSD's intent on killing him!!! I screamed at him to give the dog back but he just walked away from the fence holding the dog aloft. He stood like this until my DH came out and bellowed like a sergeant major to "Give the dog back NOOOWWWWW". The NDN threw the dog at me and stomped off into the house.

We have never spoken to him since and this was nine years ago. About a month after this episode he tried to speak to DH asking why I wasn't speaking to him and DH said that it might be something to do with the fact that he tried to kill our dog which the neighbour denied.

He's still our NDN. He's still a wanker and will try anything to piss us off but we ignore it all and have put up a massive fence. I fantasize about him dying horribly on occasion

Our NDN is absolutely batshit crazy, she does all sorts of odd things. She complained to DP about the fact that water seeped under the fence when he washed his car. It made her path wet! He just said sorry and was a bit baffled as it’s an odd thing to worry about. Later in the day we came home to find our path wet with soapy water. It looked like she had filled a bucket of water and chucked it over our drive, we just shrugged and thought oh well it will dry. It seemed a lot of effort to try to annoy us!

Wasnt my neighbours but I once left my car on a road outside my friends house for the weekend in a posh, old folks area. When i got back on the sunday, her neighbours had completely boxed my car in on purpose because they wanted to know who's car was parking in their area. To say I lost my shit was an understatement, dont know who they thought they were.

My ex NDN threatened to get her daughter to beat me up because I wouldn't give her a lift when I was steaming drunk 🤷🏻‍♀️

BitOfFun

Ha OP, brilliant! Good start to the fruit campaign, if I was you I'd leave it a couple of days and then chuck a tangerine over, or something else bright that can't fail to be noticed.

Chop down her branches that overhang into your garden and chuck them in hers (not in one pile either)

Then take every single plum back personally to her door. One by one.

I don't live in the UK.

I had my downstairs neighbour call the neighbourhood bobby on me - twice! He comes with a social worker.... cos I might have problems that need to be flagged up.

It was for (normal) family noise. I'm a LP with one (late teenage) son (at the time). He would have mates round sometimes, who are all very respectful, but of course they would be chatting and laughing....
maybe some music on....

She was quiet as a mouse, to the extent that I thought she was maybe lying in bed with depression all day....?

She did more crazy things in the neighbourhood.

Since living here - about 5 years - she's been sectioned 3x.
Poor woman.

But the peace is blissful.

And complain that their dog has been giving yours the 'eye'. Your dog is very religious and they need to keep their pervert mutt under control or you will call the local priest and have it preform an exorcism.

Years back I had a phone call from a neighbour across the road to complain about our cat. Apparently it was getting into their house, scaring their dog and eating the dog's food.

Still not sure what they thought I could do to prevent this other than lock the cat permanently indoors.

I will grant that he was a very scary cat - huge, about 20 pounds. Some dog walkers would cross the road rather than go by our house if the cat was on the front lawn.

Currently our NDNs are lovely - other than the old boy behind us who pounded on the door one day to say that we had to turn off the lights in our lounge at night as they were shining in his wife's eyes when she was doing the washing up after dinner. My DH suggested that the old boy should do the washing up instead.

the nasty old bat next door who is well known for being as spiteful as possible had a go at my partner one morning saying our little dog had crapped on her lawn. my partner went mad as we had to have our dog put to sleep three days earlier. he told her straight how does a dead dog crap on a lawn? ignoring him she said she owned her house we only rent ours as if any dog would care! we know exactly who's dog it is as do most people around here as the dog in question leaves his mess all over the place including on our driveway!

Yes, yes but what fruit/fence news?

My maddest neighbours, around 12 years ago, were convinced that I was Maxine Carr, relocated under a new identity from Soham. I look nothing like Maxine Carr but that didn’t deter them. No, I, Maxine Carr, had had plastic surgery in prison to go with my new identity. Including growing four inches in height and acquiring a different regional accent. And living in a 4 bed detached house. Because that’s what happens with single women released from prison.

In the local Co-op I regularly heard people discussing the news that Maxine Carr now lived in the village. Luckily, most of my fellow residents were not barmy so the rumours soon died down!

Watching

Had an apartment where one of our NDNs told us he wanted our WiFi password so he could use our internet for free. 🤷‍♀️ There was no introduction, no hi, nice to meet you, etc. DH said no. Neighbor didn’t speak to us again until the day we moved out, at which point he asked us if he could have our parking space. We said no again, as we didn’t have a parking space (we had street parking only). Then he asked if he could have our bookcase, as we were moving. (We still said no.) He wandered back inside, and we never even knew his name.

Is it a coconut next op?

ODF that's just dreadful. That a clear case of discrimination and harassment. I'm sure embarrassed to be human and related to such people at times.

I lived abroad for years (Spanish country). Apartment living is the norm and tenants meetings were usually a big social event as well! You had the odd person who clearly wasn't keen on expats. But non Spanish accounts for about 50% of our community so it didn't fly for long and they didn't actually make it an issue.
After I had ds he screamed every evening for 2-3 due to colic. Other than that he was a very quiet and chilled baby.
I apologised at the first meeting at his birth (you could hear him across the whole complex ).
After that I had various neighbours (some I didn't even really know at that point) turning up all the time to walk ds, hold him, support me and people turning up with dinners as they knew I couldn't cook during this time.
It reminded me of just how good community living can be.

The knickers are a good idea because when they complain, say that you have never seen them before, but you had seen a similar pair sticking half way out of the chap's pocket the other day.. that should keep her quiet for quite a while. she will no doubt accuse him of - who knows what????

NDN also named one of her dogs with my first name (fairly popular bog standard girl's name) so I have to listen to her trilling 'Ooh GOOD GIRL DOLLY, have you done a nice poo?'

I hope you call back over the fence "Yes, thanks, a whopping 9-incher this morning, it was like shitting a telegraph pole".

I live in a flat and my downstairs neighbour phoned the police because our other neighbour farted in her own house! X

Pmsl! If they lived next door to us they'd have RSI from dialling 999 so often.

Our shed needed replacing and neighbour asked us to not put new one next to the wall of his garage! It's still in our property behind a six foot fence, but he decided that if it didn't touch his one side of his garage wall that would be better. No way! Oh and people asking about durian fruit. this large fruit from asia has a pungent smell on opening! its banned on planes and un able to be imported whole ( think you can buy a tin version)