To think that I have the most petty neighbours in the world?

[Reallybadidea]

Previous complaints have included:

• the sound of our bathroom extractor fan is annoying
• our dogs look at their dogs through the fence (not barking, just looking)
• our standard 6ft high fence causes too large a shadow
• our visitors parking in front of our own house which is where the neighbours like to park

And the latest: there is an apple in their garden and they don't own an apple tree. We do, therefore we must have thrown this apple into her garden. Even if we did (which we didn't) it's just a fucking apple for Pete's sake

Has anyone got neighbours who have even more trivial complaints, or do I win some sort of prize?

oh please op start putting random fruits there.then come back nd report this could be the best update thread ever on mn.
photos too of course.

@Drogosnextwife just out of interest, what stops you legally putting a fence up? Is there no boundary?

My neighbour once complained that our grass didn't match theirs and insisted we needed to rip ours up and replace it with the same kind.

I also want updates on the fruit throwing!!!!

GOD DAMN YOU my nice, reasonable neighbours who we get on well with and do reciprocal favours (babysitting, mowing each other's lawns, taking each other's bins out when the other is away). Why can't you just be cunts so that I can post about you on here!!!!!

Reallybadidea, do you give the plums back to them or keep them? Maybe they're peeved because you keep them and they want to make wine/ jam whatever.

Batshit retired neighbor who lived across the street liked to complain that leaves from our yard were blowing over onto his yard. He once knocked on our door during a f'ing blizzard and started ranting that the guy who plows our driveway had pushed some snow onto the edge of his lawn.

I asked him if he was currently under psychiatric care. He never complained again, so maybe I was right.

our dogs look at their dogs through the fence (not barking, just looking)

I'm sorry but I just did an actual lol at that
(It's like the canine version of my dc's - "tell him to stop looking at me!"
Me ffs give me strength

They sound bonkers!

I'm fucking weak at these. Best thread ever 😂😂

NDN complained that the scaffolding on the side of our house was pushing against the tall boundary hedge causing it to lean over into his garden.

He still wouldn't have it when we showed him that the scaffold was four feet away from the hedge which was growing straight up and down on our side. He insisted that we must have moved the scaffolding.

He didn't take kindly to the suggestion that perhaps he should cut it properly on his side.

Reallybadidea you need to throw over a banana, a guava, an orange, a mango, a stunt pineapple, an avocado, a passion fruit and a tangerine, one at a time, a few weeks apart. On Christmas Eve lob over a beautifully wrapped copy of Handa’s Surprise to help the penny drop, followed by a tin of fruit salad for new year!

Oh and when we first moved in, we were reported to the council for running a kindergarten without a licence.
The reason was our garden was "full of nursery equipment" ( a slide, and a little play house), and little children were dropped off and picked up each day.
We mind the grand children. All two of them.

May I develop the knickers idea?

Get something crotchless, go round there in a rage and say “these blew into our garden from YOUR knicker tree”.

Sound like a nightmare.

Guy across the road is pretty inert. First contact with him was him nearly running me over as he drove along the pavement to get into position to park on his drive.

Today, he had a go at my supermarket delivery guy for parking outside his house, making a drama out of taking his details to report to the police because it's illegal (though mowing down pedestrians on the pavement isn't?). Status risen from inert to tosser.

Our old cat used to look, well stare menacingly, at the neighbours cat through a knot hole in the fence. It got worse though, he broke into their house one night (through the cat flap) had a huge fight with their cat, they managed to fall through the cellar door and carried on down the cellar steps where they knocked over a tin of wood preserver. Their cat was ok because they washed the stuff off immediately, but ours ran off and hid so we didn't wash him for several hours, by which time he had been quite badly burnt by the wood preserver. Fortunately he hadn't licked any of it as it is toxic. He had to wear a collar of shame for weeks while his skin healed. Luckily the neighbours were reasonable human beans (and didn't have to fork out for a vets bill) so all was well.

op - is starey dogs a "intervened biology" similar to doberdash or labraitzus??...the utter heathen in you.has.already been exposed ( subtly contorted as if innocent.//.silent dog fence eye intimidation.). by missing the reference to the first "taste of sin"...apple crime....
alternatively- there is a probably bollox apple story re theory of relativity....and that's where youre at. How absolutely crippled or unused social skills incompetent does said neighbour have to be for you to..wear her shoes.....I (isni unusual)could be way wrong..but ...kill it with kindness.thats the shitest "complaints"list.maybe\just wants to talk..garden party sort that out maybe?

Our neighbours post on Facebook about us and don't know we know

Eg
'Weird kid from next door keeps looking at us with w photo of a demonic kid (dd is not any weirder than any other (then) 5 year old.

Dd has friends round and one of them screamed because she saw a spider - lasted maybe 30 seconds - minute? Not long. Apparently we have ruined their whole weekend with brats screaming.

Having an extension built and they asked if building work could be at a lore reasonable hour - it was 2pm.

Mine once sent us a letter, copying in the council, complaining that my cat made his dog bark.

The list of crimes committed by said cat was “sitting on the patio [in my garden] staring threateningly at the dog”.

This was shortly after their attached neighbour complained about the noise of the dog. apparently when the dog barked at the postman, cars, birds, planes, the wind, anyone within a 50m radius that was all the fault of my cat.

Same neighbour was the only one who objected to the fence I wanted to put up (we live in a conservation area with 93873919 rules, many of which everyone ignores, but he was a twat who objected if he felt like it) which would have stopped his dog being able to see my cat.

Apparently the “only reasonable solution” was that I rehome the cat. When I refused he actually called the council for advice (which I only know because a friend of a friend told the story of the call on a night out) about what they could do to stop my cat causing the noise pollution.

About 4 years ago, I was just getting over bronchitis and was still v weak and wobbly, so had went to bed every afternoon. Was woken by horrific hammering at front door, so urgent, I thought the house was on fire!!
Tottered downstairs to be greeted by manic NDN demanding I move my car up about 3 ft so they could get theirs in the space... The street was 80% empty...
Finally noticing I was white, coughing and shivering (in June..) he says “are you ok? You don’t look your usual self”
Words fail me

Also many years ago, I was widowed very young and all the neighbours turned out for my DH funeral and told me they’d be there to help me...
Some were, bless them
But one reported me to the council for having an over-grown hedge... instead of offering help this widowed and broken young woman, they went to the council..
Words failed me then, too
And it’s 19 years ago... still can’t understand someone doing that!

One morning, the foxes got to our rubbish sack before the bin men. There were a few scraps of paper on our shared verge.
Retired NDN came knocking at 8.30am to ask me to clear up.
I said I would, after school and nursery run, DH had already left for work . Got back, took a couple of phone calls as work from home.
Went outside and the offending pieces of paper had been put into a carrier bag and neatly hung from our back gate.
Prick.

My neighbours complained about my bird feeder in the front garden.They said , I wish you wouldn't put bird food in that bird feeder.as some of the birds flap around and make a noise,and some of them fly off with food in their beaks,and drop nuts and stuff in their garden.
,
And another time, I chucked a few broken up pieces of wholemeal bread on the top of my shed for the birds,then a few starlings swooped down to get the bread, but it started raining after a while, and a couple of birds got some bread and flew off with it.but dropped some in the neighbours back decking area. Later on, the man neighbour knocked on my back door,and he was holding some wet soggy bread,and just threw the bread down on my path, saying..here,you can have this bloody wet bread back now. ha ha.

@phenomenalcat

" Throw a pear and then say 'but we haven't got a pear tree', next time an orange or a lemon again 'it can't be me we haven't got a lemon tree', progressing through a pineapple and a mango finishing with a massive watermelon "

😆😆😆

Once many years ago when renting, I had a neighbour who reported me to the landlady (her best friend) for “enticing cats onto her property” after she saw me from her kitchen window petting another neighbour’s cat, he had hopped onto the dividing wall while I was hanging out washing. She also reported that I only vacuumed upstairs once a week because she never heard the Hoover up there except on a Saturday.

Haha - that's hilarious. At least you will have plenty of stories to tell. I would start randomly sneaking one thing every few days in to a place that borders your fence line and theirs. Something like a garden statue, tie some balloons to the fence, some kind of garden furniture. Make sure it sits just inside your boundary line though so they can't complain haha.

When we moved in to our house, we had a planning officer call us to invite us to attend a meeting.. He was following up a complaint from our batshit crazy neighbour that we were opening a doctors surgery in our house, building a patient car park and therefore widening the road to cope with ambulances, oxygen deliveries etc.
The nosy neighbour had found out that DH a GP at the time was planning on working from home 1 day a week and fabricated this web of craziness amongst the street!! We'd bought a four bed house, have 2 DC and DH works his 1 day at home doing medical insurance stuff.

A lost of things you could do:

Buy a parrot a teach it to squark APPLE!

Throw dried fruit over the fence

Send them a glitter bomb!

Buy googly eyes to put on your fruit and sit them on top of your fence