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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off and not go to either wedding

119 replies

ItsalwaysLTB · 29/08/2019 17:33

I have two brothers who live in different countries both of which are a long haul flight away. Both have decided to get married in their respective countries within a month of each other. Neither have kids (we have 2 school age dc) .
DB1 booked his wedding in termtime, very expensive flight as not popular destination. Said would love us to come but understands if not. DM would love me to go. No chance of childcare so would be solo trip for me to destination I am not fussed about.

DB2 asked for holiday info then decided to book outside of holidays even though we said we wouldn't be able to bring the kids and possibly not come. Destination cheaper and more attractive. MIL has said she can look after the kids so DH and I could both go, but that would involve doing school drop offs, after school activities, walking the dog etc. MIL is a bit frail but determined.

Fwiw we can afford both weddings but could, and would prefer to, use the money for other things.

Can't decide if IABU and a bit of a spoiled brat or not?

OP posts:
Inertia · 29/08/2019 17:39

Think I'd just say that you can't attend either as they are in term time and the children are in school.

I didn't attend my brother's wedding abroad as I work in a school and couldn't take time off- people do understand that relatives cannot always travel.

Purpleartichoke · 29/08/2019 17:40

They aren’t having destination weddings, they are simply marrying where they live? I think you should do your absolute best to attend. Missing a sibling’s wedding is a big deal.

mumofone234 · 29/08/2019 17:40

You’re perfectly entitled not to go, and if you’re not going to feel too bad about missing them further down the line then I wouldn’t go. It depends if you’ll end up feeling guilty later on?

BackforGood · 29/08/2019 17:40

I think I'd want to be at the weddings of my brothers. It is unfortunate they are marrying so close together, but they aren't going to far flung places for their weddings - they are getting married where they live.
I think, as you do have childcare and you do have the money, in your place, I'd go.
Maybe get other parents to help out a little with the school runs or something, to support MiL ?

bridgetreilly · 29/08/2019 17:41

I'm not sure what you are hacked off about. Both your brothers are getting married and have invited you to their weddings. You are now free to decide whether or not to go to either of them. What is the problem?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2019 17:45

Either go to neither or just you go to both is my
Opinion

jesuschristwtf · 29/08/2019 17:45

They both invited you - you can afford to go, if you don’t want to go then don’t but I think you’re looking for excuses not to go. No idea what your annoyed about?

ClaudiaWankleman · 29/08/2019 17:46

I agree with PP who makes the point that these aren’t destination weddings - they’re weddings local to your brothers and that is what sways me towards you ‘should’ attend rather than ‘could’ attend.

Of course the ‘should’ is contingent on finances, childcare, work and other normal considerations.
If I were you I would attend.

AmIThough · 29/08/2019 17:48

It's shit but I think you should go to both.

LenoVintura · 29/08/2019 17:52

Are the brothers going to each others wedding?

PennyGold · 29/08/2019 17:52

It's their wedding,.. and they can do what they want. They can't make every decision based on if it would please you.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 29/08/2019 17:55

Either go to neither or just you go to both is my Opinion

Agree

Raphael34 · 29/08/2019 17:56

They are your brothers. IMO if you can go, you should

Yeahnahyeah1 · 29/08/2019 17:58

As above, they’re your brothers, you really ought to try your best to go. If you do, both or neither, as I feel like doing just one may cause bad feeling.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/08/2019 18:01

If you can go I think you should

I’d be pretty hurt if my sibling didn’t attend, and they could for all the reasons you said (childcare and can afford it)

RuggerHug · 29/08/2019 18:01

If you can I would. I agree with PP, you have to do both or neither though. Is there anyone besides MIL who could help? If she did a couple of days rather than it all would you feel better?

Asdfghjklll · 29/08/2019 18:01

You could go to one alone and go to one with DH. Leave MIL with kids and put dog in kennels so not too much for her

Answerthequestion · 29/08/2019 18:03

They’re your brothers, you can afford it, you have childcare. I am failing to see how you would even consider not going

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2019 18:07

Bit poor to go to one but not the other, especially as you prefer one destination! I’d say go to neither.

FoxFoxSierra · 29/08/2019 18:08

Not going could really damage your relationships with both brothers and as you said in your op you can afford it and you have childcare available. It really doesn't matter that you're"not fussed" on the location - I went to a friend's wedding in Scunthorpe and would never have chosen to go there as a destination but I love my friend and it mattered to me that I was part of her big day. Unless it's going to really set you back financially or cause major damage to your career you should go imo

MrsDimmond · 29/08/2019 18:11

I can appreciate that 2 long haul trips a month apart is a lot to contemplate.

But I think I would go if I could afford it, - leaving kids and dh behind.

I think it could be hurtful if you based your decision on desirability of location rather than a desire to attend your dbs' weddings. Surely it would be a short trip for the wedding not a 'holiday' as such?

justasking111 · 29/08/2019 18:15

Dog in kennels, ask friends to pick up kids and entertain them until bed time, you will return the favour won`t you. If you can manage sleepovers even better.

HollowTalk · 29/08/2019 18:19

I would go on my own to both. Given how close they are, I wouldn't only go to one; I think that could cause bad feeling. I wouldn't take kids out of school twice and wouldn't want a frail MIL looking after them, either.

Croquembou · 29/08/2019 18:20

solo trip for me to destination I am not fussed about.

The destination of....your brother's wedding? Well, ok then.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/08/2019 18:22

I think it would depend on my relationship with my brothers. Are you close? If not, then I wouldn't go to either. If you are, then that's more difficult, but I think that having school age children makes it excusable if you don't. I wouldn't leave my children with a frail grandparent while I was out of the country and you don't sound keen either.