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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off and not go to either wedding

119 replies

ItsalwaysLTB · 29/08/2019 17:33

I have two brothers who live in different countries both of which are a long haul flight away. Both have decided to get married in their respective countries within a month of each other. Neither have kids (we have 2 school age dc) .
DB1 booked his wedding in termtime, very expensive flight as not popular destination. Said would love us to come but understands if not. DM would love me to go. No chance of childcare so would be solo trip for me to destination I am not fussed about.

DB2 asked for holiday info then decided to book outside of holidays even though we said we wouldn't be able to bring the kids and possibly not come. Destination cheaper and more attractive. MIL has said she can look after the kids so DH and I could both go, but that would involve doing school drop offs, after school activities, walking the dog etc. MIL is a bit frail but determined.

Fwiw we can afford both weddings but could, and would prefer to, use the money for other things.

Can't decide if IABU and a bit of a spoiled brat or not?

OP posts:
DottyScarf · 29/08/2019 21:17

PurpleDaisies I’m sure they do like their relatives, what an odd comment!

CorBlimeyGovenor · 29/08/2019 21:19

Just curious, but are your brother's going to each other's weddings?do you have any other siblings?

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 21:19

So why wouldn’t they have fun spending time with them if their children weren’t their? That’s what I was getting atz

PapaShango · 29/08/2019 21:35

Tbh it seems like your trying to find a reason not to go. Just tell your brothers you don’t give enough of a shit about them to go to their weddings. Leave it at that

PapaShango · 29/08/2019 21:37

I think that yabvu to consider not going to DB1's because it's not somewhere that you would like to holiday at! That is bratty

That’s exactly the word I was looking for! You sound like a brat

HeffaLump1 · 29/08/2019 21:44

Why should you being "fussed" about a destination have anything to do with if you go or not? Hmm

Fantababy · 29/08/2019 22:03

Why should you being "fussed" about a destination have anything to do with if you go or not?

Because if you're going to spend money on a trip surely you'd rather it was somewhere you'd like to go? Hmm

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/08/2019 22:06

Where are the weddings

But as others have said. It’s not destination Weddings. It’s where they live

You can afford it

You have childcare

Assume your parents are going to both (if alive)

Go to one alone

Other with dh and leave kids with mil

Get a dog walker if need be

Ask friends mum to drop off after school

Kids can miss a weeks activity - tho tbh prob better they go and give mil an extra break

Procrastination4 · 29/08/2019 22:08

If you can afford to go to them, you should make the effort. It’s a special time for your brothers and they’ve invited you -there are so many posts on here about siblings not being invited to weddings/nieces nephews being excluded, etc. that yours makes a nice change! I wouldn’t resent spending money going to a sibling’s wedding, whether at home or abroad.

Original poster
ItsalwaysLTB · 29/08/2019 22:53

Thanks everyone for replying, most of you have confirmed that yes I am having a bit of a hissy fit and should just woman up and get myself there. Just so I don't sound too bratty :
Both brothers have been married before

The destination I am not fussed about is actually a politicially unstable country with a history of violence (although wedding in nice resorty type place)

I wouldn't get into debt to go but equally we need the money for other things (car on last legs, small house renovations etc)

But I would regret it if I didn't go. Also have said nothing moany to either DB about their date choices so hopefully they are clueless.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 22:55

Could you explain how you thought their not having children was relevant?

Glad you’ve decided to go.

Original poster
ItsalwaysLTB · 29/08/2019 23:05

purpledaisies I think until you've had children you don't realise the issues involved with taking them out during termtime or leaving them for any length of time that's all.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 23:16

I think until you've had children you don't realise the issues involved with taking them out during termtime or leaving them for any length of time that's all.

That’s pretty patronising to people without kids.

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 29/08/2019 23:22

Oh get over yourself purple daisies, it's a perfectly reasonable comment to make Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 23:25

I don’t accept that ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon. People without children aren’t totally clueless about the fact that children are supposed to be in school during term time and it’s tricky to find a babysitter for multiple days. Hmm

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 30/08/2019 08:00

@PurpleDaisies don't forget we live in a little champagne and party fuelled bubble of selfishness and so can't possibly know anything about, eg term time holidays and leaving children.

ShatnersWig · 30/08/2019 08:16

Also don't accept that Knife

Teachers (many of whom don't have kids themselves) understand the issues with term time holidays/time off. As do partners of teachers. I don't have kids, but nor am I a teacher, but I understand about term time holidays/time off because a) I'm not a moron and b) I was a child once and c) I have friends with children and d@ where I work, although not a teacher, there are children's activities that cease during school holidays.

It's disingenuous to play the "oh, you can't possibly know what X is like unless you've had children".

1300cakes · 30/08/2019 09:03

The timing is annoying but a wedding is a one off thing. Or a rare thing at least as you said it's 2nd marriage for both. If one married this year and the other next year, it would seem cheaper but you'd be spending the same amount at the end of the day.

It's not like one or both will marry again next year. If they do, yanbu to skip that one.

justmyview · 30/08/2019 09:08

I would go to both weddings

TheCatsACunt · 30/08/2019 09:28

It’s not all about you, OP.

You don’t seem to like your brothers all that much.

Canadianstamp · 30/08/2019 09:39

It’s not about the OP which is exactly why it’s an invitation not a summons. So what if she doesn’t like her brothers? You say that a if it’s a crime. They might be bastards and she’s being polite about them.

Some people have such small minds! Family must be liked, weddings are compulsory... it’s a wedding! It’s forgotten within a day and they are mostly chavvy these days anyway with the bits of tat on the table and pretend rituals. The meaning has been forgotten.

Don’t go OP. Spend that money on your children instead.

Yabbers · 30/08/2019 09:47

I’d be pretty hurt if my sibling didn’t attend, and they could for all the reasons you said

If you move abroad, I think you lose the right to be pissed off if family can’t attend things.

Canadianstamp · 30/08/2019 09:49

Yabbers Yep

Ariela · 30/08/2019 10:04

At least you got an invite to both brothers weddings!

Sewrainbow · 30/08/2019 10:44

Ibwouldnt want to do one without the other. So would probably decline both, but wish them well.

I love my brothers dearly and one has lived in two different long haul destinations, if they had chosen to get married out there I doubt I would have gone particularly once my kids were here. It's big ask, on terms of time, money, holiday from work, childcare etc. If we didn't work and money was no object of course we'd go but the reality is we do and one day doesn't trump the rest of the year for all the other reasons.