Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off and not go to either wedding

119 replies

ItsalwaysLTB · 29/08/2019 17:33

I have two brothers who live in different countries both of which are a long haul flight away. Both have decided to get married in their respective countries within a month of each other. Neither have kids (we have 2 school age dc) .
DB1 booked his wedding in termtime, very expensive flight as not popular destination. Said would love us to come but understands if not. DM would love me to go. No chance of childcare so would be solo trip for me to destination I am not fussed about.

DB2 asked for holiday info then decided to book outside of holidays even though we said we wouldn't be able to bring the kids and possibly not come. Destination cheaper and more attractive. MIL has said she can look after the kids so DH and I could both go, but that would involve doing school drop offs, after school activities, walking the dog etc. MIL is a bit frail but determined.

Fwiw we can afford both weddings but could, and would prefer to, use the money for other things.

Can't decide if IABU and a bit of a spoiled brat or not?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 18:22

Both have decided to get married in their respective countries within a month of each other.

To be fair, they live in those countries. It’s not as if they’re expecting you to fly somewhere random. I’d go to both on my own. You’d want them at your wedding in this country, wouldn’t you?

AdelaideK · 29/08/2019 18:23

I'd go to both. I think you'll regret it if you don't bother.

Derbee · 29/08/2019 18:23

I think the timing is slightly annoying. But seeing as you have childcare, can afford it, I would go to both. Just you, and just for a few days for the wedding.

Do you work? I think childcare, money, annual leave are the only considerations really. If none are a problem, you should be at both of your brothers weddings

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 18:24

Neither have kids

What does this have to do with anything?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 29/08/2019 18:25

They are your brothers, they are getting married a once in a lifetime for most people.

I’d go! It amazes me on here the way people are with family tbh

underneaththeash · 29/08/2019 18:25

If you can afford it, I'd probably go to both. What age are your children?

If they're year 5 or under, I'd take them to one of them irrespective of what the school's policy was on time off.

MerdedeBrexit · 29/08/2019 18:29

Not sure what your question actually is, so can't decide whether or not you're being unreasonable. What are you hacked off about?

Blazingatrail · 29/08/2019 18:35

Go to both or neither, don’t cause a family fall out but picking one over the other. The cost of going to both weddings is substantial I would imagine, even if you can stretch to attending.
When anyone chooses a destination wedding over getting married with family at home, then it is to be expected that not everyone will be able to attend.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 29/08/2019 18:36

You're being really selfish. It's not that you can't go for financial reasons you are just having a strop because your brothers are getting married in countries in which they live on dates that suit them.

And whether or not they have children is totally irrelevant to the situation.

Derbee · 29/08/2019 18:39

@Blazingatrail neither of them are destination weddings. They are taking place where the brothers live. That is totally reasonable.

PeevedNiamh · 29/08/2019 18:39

I'd go to both. My only brother says him and his wife will probably tie the knot with just the two of them. It makes me feel a little sad - although it's his choice. I'd love to be there!!

flouncyfanny · 29/08/2019 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 29/08/2019 18:47

Well one of them could be a family holiday. You may get permission to take the kids out of school as it's a family wedding and should be covered by exceptional circumstances (which is deliberately vague in my opinion as a governor). Even if not, take the kids out of school for a week. I don't suppose they see their uncles often and it would be an adventure for them and you get a cheaper family holiday.

Witchinaditch · 29/08/2019 18:49

They are you’re brothers I can’t believe you are even thinking about if the destination is desirable or not! You can afford it and have childcare-go!

Cassilis · 29/08/2019 18:53

Yep just say they’re term time. It won’t be relaxing.

saraclara · 29/08/2019 19:02

DB2 asked for holiday info then decided to book outside of holidays even though we said we wouldn't be able to bring the kids and possibly not come

Well at least he tried to make things work, but there'll have been other time restrictions that unfortunately made your school holiday dates unviable.

What everyone else said. They live in these countries. They've not set out to do something expensive for their own ends. They're marrying at home.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 19:11

Just go otherwise you will regret it.

timshelthechoice · 29/08/2019 19:14

Wouldn't go to either. Really don't get why anyone would actually consider their relationship with their sibling damaged because the other didn't go to their wedding! I mean, how stupid and immature. It's one day our of your whole life!

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2019 19:16

Really don't get why anyone would actually consider their relationship with their sibling damaged because the other didn't go to their wedding! I mean, how stupid and immature. It's one day our of your whole life!

Come on. It’s one of the most important days and close family pretty much always go to weddings to support the bride/groom.

Babysharkisanearworm · 29/08/2019 19:18

Skip both, get dressed up at home and ask someone to face time or Skype you into the ceremony.

LEELULUMPKIN · 29/08/2019 19:19

if all you are bothered about it is the attractiveness of the destinations then don't go to either.

The attraction should be being there for your Brother's wedding.

Tell them both no and let them invite someone who really wants to be there, for them.

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 19:20

I think it's weird for siblings to get married a month apart. Especially when they both live overseas from their parents and other sibling(s).

Presumably there's not many guests who will be invited to both, with the exception of you and your parents? Otherwise it's really crazy of the second brother and his partner to book so close to the first!

I agree that I'd go to both if I could. Any chance of taking the kids out of school?

Ainsl · 29/08/2019 19:23

Not sure I see the problem here? Definitely go if you can make it work. Of course they aren't going to plan their weddings around your schedule.

brownbreadicecream · 29/08/2019 19:31

It's the timing that's throwing things off. I doubt you'd feel this way if they were marrying years apart, unfortunately the cost is the cost of having siblings abroad. It should be a one-off for both of them!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 29/08/2019 19:32

How close are you? Lots of people saying you’ll regret not going, and you “should” go, and they’re faamily. But do you have a good close relationship? Would you be going to visit anyway at some point? Maybe you'd rather visit another time when you’d get to actually spend time with your brothers. Or maybe you’d not plan on visiting at all because you don’t get on that well. Too many variables!

But if they genuinely don’t mind if you don’t go, and you don’t want to, then don’t.