To go with my 14 year old DD to Doctors?

[vavavoomdeboom]

Been going to the doctors with DD age 14 about her acne at DDs request. Tried different antibiotics and now the pill as we await a dermatologist appointment (been nine months waiting).

Doctor has asked for regular appointments to monitor effectiveness so we've been going bi-monthly.

At last appointment I felt the Doctor was a bit snippy that I was there. A sort of 'oh, mums with you again' comment. She (the Doctor) has also commented that I set up the appointments and that DD could do them herself online. Never occurred to me not to be there. We have set up an online account for DD that I maintain as she can't be bothered. I get on great with DD and asked after last time if she wanted to go to the next appointments alone and she laughed and was clear she wanted me there.

We're due to go again next week and I'm probably overthinking what to say if another comment is made.

AIBU attending with DD? Is it normal to still go when they are teenagers?

My 22 year old friend asked me to go to a doctors appointment with her yesterday. The doctor ibu. Anyone of any age can bring their own chaperone, or be offered one by the doctor.
My 21 year old sister has had an ongoing health issue for years and finds it helpful for someone to be in her appointments because she doesn’t often take in all the information.
At 14 or 40, bringing someone with you is definitely reasonable and if your gp continues to belittle us I would ask her what the problem is or even complain.

Not a cat in hell's chance I'd let a 14yo girl go to a doctors appt alone without a chaperone. And to be frank, I'd be surprised if the doctor didn't immediately call reception and ask for one if a 14 yo came in unaccompanied.

I think it could be safeguarding that they have to ask to measure your daughter's reaction. For example some mums putting kids on pill might be for nefarious reasons, likewise husbands always accompanying wives to appointments etc. I think at 14, I'd ask the question of DD about whether she'd rather go alone, but as you've already done that go along anyway and if they ask, say you've spoken to DD and she'd rather you were there, but you're happy to wait outside while doc chats to confirm this with DD should they feel it's necessary. I appreciate you probably think this is ridiculous as 99 times out of 100 this is done with purely good reasons, but the doctor needs to ask to cover themselves and identify patients who are at risk. It's not personal

R.e the pill, dianette cleared my acne up FANTASTIC at that age.
It did come back really bad as an adult and I ended up getting roaccutane. Which was incredible and something to keep in mind for the future If things get too bad! Acne can’t be soul destroying at that age and your daughter is clearly going to benefit from your support, so absolutely go with her , and bugger what the doctor thinks!

Can be *

I always go with my DCs - 15 &17. Nothing wrong with that.

That’s a strange attitude of your GP to have!

My mother is in her 70s and always asks for someone to accompany her (she’s not frail and is entirely compos mentis!).

I think I’d have to ask the GP why she wasn’t happy with you attending with your 14 year old, especially when your DD has expressed a wish for you to be present.

I'm 44 and sometimes I ask someone to come with me. I'm not always able to take the info in. Sometimes just for a bit of support.
There's posters in the reception about chaperones and they will provide one if needed.

If mentioned again I would just say it's not that unusual to have someone with you.

Probably just (badly) checking your daughters wishes for you to be there or not. Ask your daughter to say something like 'I want mum to be here' if it's raised next time. Or tell the doctor that you ask dd if she wanted to go alone but she asked you to come.

@QueefLatifah

That's what she on now. Been 8 weeks and slightly better. Been told it could take 3 months before we see a difference.

Waiting out for the Roaccutane if we ever get near a dermatologist.

Did your acne come back after Roaccutane?

I think it's perfectly normal at 14 years old, my own daughter is 19 and still asks me to go with her

Thanks to others for reassurance. Was just a bit thrown by it.

I think that sometimes, even if they don’t mean to, parents can talk over their children a bit and also that teenagers might feel they can speak more frankly if their parents aren’t there. So while I don’t think it’s wrong for a parent to accompany their teenager to the doctor, I don’t think it should be the default setting. I think a teenager can discuss a problem like acne with a doctor without their mother chipping in and that it’s sometimes easier for them to have their own voice heard without their mum being there. I suspect the GP just wants to make sure you aren’t speaking for your daughter rather than letting her have her own say in things and articulate her own feelings about her condition. It’s not a comment on your parenting, just a reminder for your DD that she has the option to come alone if she wants to.

Also, sometimes GPs like to remind teenagers that they can make their own appointments just in case they ever wanted to see a doctor about something more private/personal than acne - it’s a good thing for GPs to do this as obviously not all kids have a good relationship with their parents like you and your DD, and it’s wise for teenagers to at least know how to make an appointment and be comfortable with going independently. It isn’t a comment on you - just general good practice.

My mum was more on the protective side when I was a kid, but she wasn’t routinely accompanying me to GP appointments when I was 14 as I was clearly old enough to ask questions and understand what the doctor told me without her there. I also had acne at 14 and I’m pretty sure my mum didn’t come to appointments for that. She would have come if I’d asked her to, but I was fine to go alone.

They will only give Roaccutane as a last resort. it can take up to 6 months. for the pill to take affect. Roaccutane severly dries out your skin so be prepared for very dry lips, flaky scalp etc. it can also affect your mood swngs
I took it in my early 20's clared up most but not fully, still have the flare up at 40 years of age. I have just learned to live with it and no my triggers now. Plus am extremm about cleaning my face, make up brushes etc, follow a good skin care routine and everything is oil free. Also get regular facials

I'm about to go with my 14 year old and 16 year old to the doctor today about various things.

The doctor does check with them that it's OK, and towards the end I offer to leave in case there's anything they'd like to talk about without me there.

A good Dr wouldn't mind a person of any age having a chaperone, especially a minor.

My DC has a brilliant consultant who when DC turned 14 said 'your getting older now and therefore need to start learning about your own health care - but mum or someone else can always come with you whatever your age' dc now signs all paperwork along with me, takes part in booking appointments, Dr always asks dcs opinion and generally is teaching DC to become independent (when he's ready) but is always saying you still need mum here!
As a parent its our job to teach our children to be independent adults able to access services however its also important that the DC are always supported if they need it whatever their age. I think my dcs consultant has been great in that transition period from child to adult - it can't and shouldn't happen overnight.

If it happens again I would just say that DD has asked for you to accompany her, and y our DD can confirm it. She's a fourteen year old child - absolutely nothing wrong with you going with her, especially with different treatments, side effects etc etc. She is probably glad of your input.

When I've had hospital appointments, I've seen entire families go in with the patient (which I do think is a bit bonkers) but it must be something that doctors are used to.

I worked at a hospital in the paediatric dept. We wouldn’t see a 14 yo alone until a parent showed up. OH asked me to go to gp with him the other day, causes no issue. GP is being silly.

If your daughter wants you there then that's all that matters.

I took a very low dose of Roaccutane for a longer period of time than the standard and didn't experience any side effects.

She's only 14. Of course you go with her.

I do wonder if the doctor realises/remembers how old she is, though. Does she look older?

If I'm about I go with 20 year old, she likes me there. unless its at the family planning clinic then her boyfriend takes her.
On the other hand 21 year old hasn't wanted me with her since she was about 18.
GP is being rude, as long as it's what your DD wants it's not his concern.

My kids wouldn’t have gone by themselves at 14, by choice. Very odd for him to comment on it.

im over 30 my mum still comes with me.and in the hardest of times we had a few years back we've sat holding hands,she'd be appalled at us .screw her.
most people i see in their actually have someone with them,at every age.

For me if I was the GP I would be looking to have conversations with your daughter with you there in a secondary role etc. That would give me confidence she is there of her own accord etc.

My DD is same age and we have been in for a few things but from about age 10 I have encouraged her tot ell Dr what was wrong and discuss things with the GP directly rather than through me

How odd.
I wonder if the doctor is thinking that your DD might be wanting the OC pill for Other Reasons as well that she's unable to express while you're there?
I just looked up Gillick competency to see if that could shed any light on the matter but it seems to be quite a grey area still and mostly at the doctor's discretion - absolutely no good reason to force a minor to see the doc without their parent present unless they suspect abuse/ coercion/ Munchausen's by proxy or something.

Weird doctor. Maybe if they say something again you should ask them to explain why they think it's a problem?