To go with my 14 year old DD to Doctors?

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Been going to the doctors with DD age 14 about her acne at DDs request. Tried different antibiotics and now the pill as we await a dermatologist appointment (been nine months waiting).

Doctor has asked for regular appointments to monitor effectiveness so we've been going bi-monthly.

At last appointment I felt the Doctor was a bit snippy that I was there. A sort of 'oh, mums with you again' comment. She (the Doctor) has also commented that I set up the appointments and that DD could do them herself online. Never occurred to me not to be there. We have set up an online account for DD that I maintain as she can't be bothered. I get on great with DD and asked after last time if she wanted to go to the next appointments alone and she laughed and was clear she wanted me there.

We're due to go again next week and I'm probably overthinking what to say if another comment is made.

AIBU attending with DD? Is it normal to still go when they are teenagers?

I'd be surprised if the doctor didn't immediately call reception and ask for one if a 14 yo came in unaccompanied.

Don't be ridiculous. 14 yo's can and do go to the GP alone. All the time. There is no immediate call to reception for a chaperone

I see no issue with you attending, my mum came with me for most of my Dr's appointments as a teenager, she sometimes sat in the waiting room but sometimes came in, depended on how I was feeling, I'm useless at retaining information so find having a second set of ears helpful depending on the issue.

I tried to persuade DS 14 that he was fine to go into the dentist on his own for a check up this summer. 'No you can come too'. He's never even had any treatment!

I don’t think it is odd either way. My 14 year old would go to the GP herself- and would make the appointment herself. But when she had hospital appointments, I would go with her.

@scotwood If I were a male doctor I would not put my career on the line if an unaccompanied 14yo female patient came to an appt. I'd certainly call through to reception to let them know and mark it on the system that I had done so at the very least.

@scotwood I'm not saying that a 14 shouldn't go to an appt by herself, just that I would want to protect my daughter if she were mine, and my career if I were the doctor. That's all.

If I were a male doctor I would not put my career on the line if an unaccompanied 14yo female patient came to an appt

That's not what you said. Now you are talking about you and what you would do. The comment I responded to was one in which you suggested a GP would immediately call reception and ask for a chaperone if a 14to came in alone. That's not how it works up and down the country every day. Fair enough you would act differently if you were the GP, but you are not. My comment was about what actually happens, not some fictitious scenario.

I went to the GP (or at least into the appointment) by myself from about 13 onwards.

I think it's strange that you go with her, honestly, but of course it's absolutely up to her if she wants you there. Presumably she's Gillick competent and she's entitled to privacy (if she wants it!), so I think that's where the doctor is coming from.

Depending on what I'm going for I might ask my fiance to come with me if I'm worried about something. I'm not really sure about a 14 year old going alone but I guess it would depend on what they are going for. For something like your daughter is going for I might wait in the waiting room.

I took my mum with me to a consultant appointment when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was 33. But I felt that I was being ignored by the hospital and wanted some support. Anyone can have someone with them at the drs!

My husband came to the docs with me just this morning and I'm 50 .

We tend to let our just-14 year old decide for herself whether she wants one of us to accompany her. She mainly says yes but does occasionally want privacy. If I think the doc might want me there anyway, I go and wait in the waiting room just in case.

My mom came with me to my appointments until I was about 18 and felt confident enough to go alone. If your DD is happy to have you there then there's no issue.

When I was 16 I went to the doctors alone for a persistent sore throat.

Before asking me anything about why I was there the doctor started asking me if I was sexually active and for how long... and what protection I was using.

Utterly freaked me out and put me off doctors for life. I’d only gone for a sore throat!

Had I had an older more confident person there I think I would have had the support I needed to question why he acted that way.

I will be going with DD(13) for as long as she agrees with it.

The contraceptive pill is working because it is regulating your daughter's progesterone, which causes acne.

I cannot understand why a GP would question the presence of a mother to a 14-year old, who in law, is a child.

When I was 15 my mum sent me in by myself but the GP said anyone under 16 had to have a chaperone. Luckily she was in the waiting room as she drove me there.

This thread kicked me into booking a check up appointment for my 14 year old DS, which I had previously meant to but kept postponing.

As I want a proper check up for him, I'll be happy to leave the room for a period so that he can freely discuss any issues he might feel awkward about, but I want to be there to explain the reasons why I booked it and for any possible treatment plans.

It seems quite odd to me for a fourteen year old to take their parent into a GP appointment unless they’re a very young fourteen. But if she’s genuinely okay with it and you are too I don’t see the harm, the GP is absolutely doing the right thing though in ensuring they let your daughter know how to make appointments on her own. At fourteen she’s entitled to some medical privacy, and you’d be surprised at how many fourteen year olds need to see a doctor alone for something embarrassing or potentially worrisome but who aren’t able to as they don’t know how to make and attend an appointment without their parent asking questions/finding out. It’s good safeguarding practice to make sure your daughter knows she can attend alone and check she’s okay with you being there, though they’re being a bit remiss by not making sure there’s time in the appointment for you to step outside to speak to her alone.

She’s only a few years away from adulthood so while you might want to go along to the surgery with her, I’d start encouraging her to go in on her own. It’ll build her confidence up and mean if she ever does need to attend for something personal she knows how and feels comfortable doing so.

I wouldn’t read too much into the GP’s comments otherwise, they’re probably just a bit surprised a fourteen year old would need their mum their every time and are making conversation.

Really bizarre anyone would assume a chaperone is needed for a conversation with a GP as a fourteen year old! For an examination of something gynaecological or breasts, sure, but they provide a chaperone for adults too. GP’s don’t need a chaperone to stand there while they have a discussion with a teenage patient

Thanks for all the very interesting and diverse replies.

I don't have the arrow thingy yet so can't see how people are voting!

Asked DD again about Doctor and dentist appointment (hadn't even thought about dentists) and she rolled her eyes and said she wants me there and I'm overthinking things I do tend to overthink stuff like this, so fair enough.

My doctor's won't allow my 14yr old to go in on her own. She was going through a hard time not long ago and wanted to talk on her own about self harming. They would only let her if I stood right outside the door.

my (generally quite brave and willing to try new things) DD still wants me to go to any kind of medical appt with her.

i had similar off a GP a couple of years ago when she was 17 - def got a look of "oooh, one of those mothers" and then was pointedly ignored until DD sat absolutely mute and made it clear she wanted me to do the talking!!

i think it's fine to encourage independence but 14 is still quite young especially if it's an appt to discuss ongoing medication, consultant referrals, etc.

I took my 23 year old DD to her last doctor's appointment!

That's probably a bit unnecessary but for a 14 year old, of course you should be there if she wants you. This would make me suspicious of the GP. Maybe she wants to lecture your DD (about diet or lifestyle) and can't let rip while you are there... GP's can be knobheads like anyone else. Keep going.

My GP refused to see my 14 year old on her own when it was difficult for me to go with her. Said they won’t see under 16’s.

I would point out to Gp that your daughter is a minor and you are parenting ....smile sweetly as you say it!

My best friend and her DH are both GPs. They were both a bit at me when I mentioned that DS2, who was about 15 at the time, had been to see our doctor unaccompanied. They seemed to think that was too young.