To go with my 14 year old DD to Doctors?

[vavavoomdeboom]

Been going to the doctors with DD age 14 about her acne at DDs request. Tried different antibiotics and now the pill as we await a dermatologist appointment (been nine months waiting).

Doctor has asked for regular appointments to monitor effectiveness so we've been going bi-monthly.

At last appointment I felt the Doctor was a bit snippy that I was there. A sort of 'oh, mums with you again' comment. She (the Doctor) has also commented that I set up the appointments and that DD could do them herself online. Never occurred to me not to be there. We have set up an online account for DD that I maintain as she can't be bothered. I get on great with DD and asked after last time if she wanted to go to the next appointments alone and she laughed and was clear she wanted me there.

We're due to go again next week and I'm probably overthinking what to say if another comment is made.

AIBU attending with DD? Is it normal to still go when they are teenagers?

Our GP allowed 14 year old DD to sign a form to say her step mother could take over her online patient access

DD had no idea what she was signing and stepmum had (with my permission) only asked to be able to request prescriptions.

My dermatologist put me straight on roaccutane. It worked brilliantly.

Perfectly normal! I go with my DD15. I let her do the talking and go for moral support. Once they are 16 they are expected to their own stuff as you can no longer order prescriptions for them.

@Fluffycloudland77

That's good to hear. It's becoming a bit like the holy grail as taking so long for a referral. Her confidence is being knocked a bit by how bad her skin is so hoping something works soon.

OH is a trainee GP, just asked him and he said it’s more common than not for teenagers to go in on their own. A not insignificant number do take a parent in with them but generally most attend the actual appointment alone. He says most of the things teenagers tend to attend for are fairly ‘embarrassing’ for a teen to discuss in front of parents which might explain why!

Your DD’s GP is probably just wondering why you’re always with her but if she comments again you can always bring it up and say you both want you there. Might seem a bit odd though like you’re really concerned she isn’t seen on her own to make an issue of it. Personally I’d just continue going if you both want to and let the comments slide. It’s just not the norm.

Dr is being unreasonable. It's up to your dd.

I'm 47, my mother has come with me to dental appointments, gp appointments and mental health appointments. She's hasn't for last few years as my dad very unwell and she is caring for him pretty much 24/7.

My dd (18) has come with me to appointments too because my concentration and short term memory is poor, partly because of illness partly because of meds I'm on.

I've gone with her to appointments because she gets v anxious and that anxiety means she doesn't always take in all the information, but also until she was about 16/17 she felt she struggled to challenge Drs if they didn't listen, or if she felt they were giving poor advice. She has a disability which many GP's don't are unfamiliar with but they compound that lack of knowledge often with not accepting that dd DOES know her conditions and how it affects her very well.

On a couple of occasions when dd was attending for gynae pain or period issues dr did (as they are required to) check with dd if she still wanted me there, mainly as some children aren't able to be honest about sexual activity in front of parents and for some things certain questions obviously need to be asked. I've always made it clear to dd and dr that if dd wants me to go I will no problem, but actually dd has always been honest about that stuff with me (even when she's been less than sensible) and has always just gone "it's fine, mum knows everything anyway" and answered any questions from dr as needed.

Around 16/17 she stopped asking me to go with her gradually and that was fine, although she comes home and tells me everything anyway! Can be quite entertaining as the main dr we both like to see has fabulous but unusual dress sense (colourful vintage/retro 50's style stuff) and dd is quite opinionated on what she wears (some outfits she loves some not so keen)

I’m a GP. Once a child is aged 11, I always ask whether they’re ok with their parent attending the consultation, or if they’d rather talk to me by themselves.

Especially when it comes to anxiety and other mental health issues, children are often a lot more forthcoming without a parent in the room. They often worry that they’ll worry or disappoint their parents if they tell them how they’re really feeling.

I’m not saying this is the case with your daughter, but with some children who have acne, the child themselves isn’t that bothered, and it’s their parents pushing them to get on medication. I sometimes get the sense that the parent is embarrassed by their child’s skin, and in the process is knocking their child’s self-confidence. I would never deny a child treatment for acne, but I need to make sure it’s something that they themselves want.

My DD used to go to the doctor's on her own at 14, but she rarely had to go.

Now at 19, she wants me to go with her again, because she's been struggling with her mental health and find it difficult to talk to the doctor. She needs me there to make sure we tell the doctor everything that needs to be said. Our GP has never been anything but supportive of this, even making sure she makes appointments late enough that I can get there after work.

If your dd wants you there carry on going. It's allowed. I know plenty of adults who want someone with them at appointments, so it's perfectly reasonable for a teen to want the same thing.

I think it's a good idea to get teenagers doing these things for themselves. Some will want to go on their own and need help articulating it. It seems a sensible thing for a Dr to mention.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just offer to nip out and let your DD insist it's fine or not, as the case may be.

Teenagers can ofc go to the doctors alone - doesn't mean they want to. When I was 20 and had a mental breakdown, I asked my mum to go with me. I don't take anyone for routine appointments, but anything more serious I usually ask someone to come along just so we have two sets of ears - it's not easy to remember everything the doctor says!

Tbh I think your doctor is being pathetic.

I’m a GP. Once a child is aged 11, I always ask whether they’re ok with their parent attending the consultation, or if they’d rather talk to me by themselves.
11? That’s incredibly irresponsible!

I always went with mine until they were nearer eighteen and occasionally even older. Their call.

The full guidance is that a medical profession may treat a child without parental consent IF the child cannot not be persuaded to involve the parent. Any doctor suggesting it is preferable to treat without parental consent is acting outside GMC guidance.

Of course parents should normally go with their children.

I’m a GP. Once a child is aged 11, I always ask whether they’re ok with their parent attending the consultation, or if they’d rather talk to me by themselves.

So you don’t adhere to the legal precedents and your professional guidance?

Is there no official guidance in the UK? I need to register at a GP nearer where we live at some point but it seems I will have to ask to make sure my DS will be able to attend on his own if he needs or prefers to do so.

The full guidance is that a medical profession may treat a child without parental consent IF the child cannot not be persuaded to involve the parent.

Hmm, retraining needed across the board then. Lots of under 16's see the GP alone.

Totally normal. DS is going to doctors for first time in years tomorrow - he has acne but a weird mark has been on his face for 2 months now. So getting that checked and will ask for acne cream etc. Wouldn’t occur to me not to go. I’ll introduce the issue and he can answer the questions

I find it concerning that some teenagers may not be able to access medical care without a parent until 16 .

My ds is nearly 18 and still asks me to go with him to Drs appointments. He is otherwise very confident and I think it was very strange of the GP to comment

Whilst GPs May see children on their own, they need to formally assess their capacity to give informed consent and also....

From the GMC 29 You should encourage young people to involve their parents in making important decisions, but you should usually abide by any decision they have the capacity to make themselves

If your DD is of a mature nature and fully capable of making her own decisions then her GP can see her with her consent without a Chaperone.

11? That’s incredibly irresponsible!

Why on earth would that be irresponsible? 11 is the age that children begin to be given more control over their medical interactions.

For example, for surgeries offering online access to medical history, 11 is the age at which a parent’s proxy access to their child’s notes and prescriptions is removed. That’s not my rule - that’s a nationwide rule.

As a GP I would positively encourage any patient to do what makes them feel comfortable - I would happily see any competent child alone or with parents/friends depending on the topic if it was sensitive or if they seemed uncomfortable I would always ask if they would like to talk alone. I would never turn a child away without a parent as there may be an underlying issue and I am saddened to hear some 16y can’t access health care. Luckily lots of teens can discuss their mental/sexual health with parents but some can’t so it is good to educate that they can book there own appt via apps etc. I know this may be criticised but any one who accompanies a patient I always check who they are and document names / relationships as helps for safeguarding/complaints and sharing of understanding - lady with teenager could be mum, friend, gran etc so may be critical to interaction. Sounds like the doctor is trying to build up your daughters confidence. Hope the appointment goes well. I also think it’s great to have someone there to listen and ask questions as appointments can be stressful.

At 14, she's old enough to go in and you wait outside.

If a chaperone was needed they'd call you in.

14 is a good age to start organising their own appointments

@CherryPavlova

You don’t seem to understand that guidance. Encouraging a child to involve their parents in important decisions does not equate to having their parents sit in on every consultation.

I simply ask quickly at the start whether they’re ok talking with their parent in the room. The child almost always says yes, which I am absolutely fine with, and I do not mention it again.

Also, as I said above, when it comes to anxiety/stress, children often find it easier to talk without their parents in the room. That is not the same thing as ‘encouraging them to make important decisions without their parents’.