To go with my 14 year old DD to Doctors?

[vavavoomdeboom]

Been going to the doctors with DD age 14 about her acne at DDs request. Tried different antibiotics and now the pill as we await a dermatologist appointment (been nine months waiting).

Doctor has asked for regular appointments to monitor effectiveness so we've been going bi-monthly.

At last appointment I felt the Doctor was a bit snippy that I was there. A sort of 'oh, mums with you again' comment. She (the Doctor) has also commented that I set up the appointments and that DD could do them herself online. Never occurred to me not to be there. We have set up an online account for DD that I maintain as she can't be bothered. I get on great with DD and asked after last time if she wanted to go to the next appointments alone and she laughed and was clear she wanted me there.

We're due to go again next week and I'm probably overthinking what to say if another comment is made.

AIBU attending with DD? Is it normal to still go when they are teenagers?

The doctor might just want to make sure there’s nothing she wants to disclose that she feels she can’t say with you in the room. For example if she was being abused, groomed, pressured into sex etc.

I think it's fine for a capable teenager to go alone from the age of 14, or equally fine for a teenager or adult to take a friend or family member if they want to do that.

that is a very strange attitude from your GP. Your daughter is a child and it is completely normal to attend appointments with a parent

I always go with my 14yr old dd

I’ve been going on my own since 14 as my mother couldn’t be bothered to take me. I soon learnt it was easier to make my own appointments and walk there myself.

At 14 your daughter is likely to be deemed as Gillick competent by your GP especially about a condition she has been seen regularly for updates.
Frustrating because even most adults are keen to have a chaperone even just to be another pair of ears to remember the advice suggested.

I let ds1 go to the GP himself when he was 17/18. It was only when I accompanied him to a related hospital appointment 6 months later that I discovered that the months supply of tablets should have been reordered on a repeat prescription and taken until he saw the consultant. He didn’t pick up on it and obviously I didn’t know!

My daughter is 14 and doesn't need to go to the doctor very often, but she went to a doctor a few months ago when her ear stud "ate" itself into her ear and went by herself. She also went herself to have a blood sample taken when she was 13 (I think .... maybe 12).
If she wants me there, I'll go with her, if I have time, but otherwise she can do it herself. I would only insist on going with her, if its a bigger issue that needs more general understanding of different medical issues or follow up prodecures, or if its an issue where the medical history is relevant.

Sorry if I’m speaking out of turn, but I think sending a 12 year old alone to have their blood sample taken is a bit sad, really...

And I should say ds19 & ds14 still ask me to take them and go in with in.

We would only give someone over the age of 16 their test results and information unless they had signed an agreement that a parent could speak and have the information on their behalf. Of course this doesn't apply to someone on the disabilities register. Under 16 their parents can ring/discuss or attend an appointment. Over 16 they can still have whoever they want with them.

I've never taken anyone with me to the GP's since I turned 16.

"Sorry if I’m speaking out of turn, but I think sending a 12 year old alone to have their blood sample taken is a bit sad, really..."

Why? She had it taken about 3 times in the course of around half a year, to check if anything has changed. I went with her, but she didn't want me to go to the cabin with her to actually have the blood taken, so I was only with her in the waiting room. The last time I asked her if she's fine going herself, since I'd only be sitting in the waiting room anyway, and she was.
What is sad about that?

14/15 is about the age I started going to the doctor's by myself. So to me it seems odd for a teenager that old to want their mum there. But that's just my own feelings.
If she wants you there then it's perfectly acceptable for you to be there.

YANBU. DD whom I accompanied until she was about 18 and who had MH problems wanted me there. The Dr confirmed this with her. DD also wrote and gave me permission to receive test results etc.

I'd have corrected the Dr about the use mum. You are your dd's mum and the Dr should have referred to you in conversation to your dd as "your mum" and directly to you as Mrs your name.

I didn’t realise you were in the waiting room, you said she “went herself“. Apologies.

My DD is 15, hardly ever needs to see a GP but if she does I have made the appointment and gone with her. I just asked her how she would feel about going on her own and she said she wouldn't want to yet. She's a very confident girl and I encourage her to be assertive and build on her independence skills but anyone of any age should be able to ask someone to attend with them if it makes them feel more comfortable.

YANBU.

Of course YANBU! She's only 14, she might not fully understand something that's being said or explained to her. Plus, she's more than entitled to have a chaperone. Maybe the GP was just checking that DD was happy for you to be with you, if there was something she wanted to discuss in private?

My DM still comes with me to the GP sometimes now, and I'm 39!

There was one occasion when I took DD2 (who was 6 at the time) to see the GP as she had suddenly developed a huge separation anxiety around me and would scream and cry when I tried to leave her at school. The GP did ask me to step out of the room for a minute so she could check with DD2 if there was anything she felt she couldn't say in front of me, but that was just for a minute or two.

I remember my DM collecting me early from school with a change of clothes one day when I was 15, and taking me to the FPC to go on the pill. I felt very grown up when two of my classmates appeared in the waiting room in their school uniform!

"I didn’t realise you were in the waiting room, you said she “went herself“. Apologies."

I was in the waiting room twice, because she wanted to go to the cubicle herself. The last time she went all by herself, since she didn't need me in the waiting room either. I wouldn't have forced her to go herself, I would have also gone with her to the cubicle and held her hand, if she wanted to ;) She didn't want, though. She is an independent person and she thinks it's embarassing for a teenager to need their mother for something like that. She thinks she's too cool for that, you know ;)

Fair enough

If it's a regular thing & she knows what to expect, wait in the waiting room?

It sounds like your DD wants you there, so I would go. My mum came with me to a blood test when I was 29 as I always faint haha.

I am currently in hospital with DS16 waiting to see the consultant. Am going in with him, he's fine with it. Only wouldn't go if DS didn't want me to, two people are more likely to remember what's said and if decisions have to be made it's easier to talk through the options if you heard what was said. I'd take the lead from your DD not the doc.

Sorry if I’m speaking out of turn, but I think sending a 12 year old alone to have their blood sample taken is a bit sad, really...

Why?! If the 12-year-old is fine with it, it's an insignificant thing that takes about 30 seconds. It's not 'sad' that someone else's 12-year-old is mature and independent about tiny routine medical stuff. If you child is worried about that stuff, then of course you would go with them. But it's not a bad/sad thing if they're confident and unbothered enough not to need their mum there - it's a good thing and something I'd be proud of if that was my child.

You do realise that if they have vaccinations at school, they just go into the room and have it done on their own? It's no different from that, really.

We’ve done this, thanks, dolly