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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - I called the police

115 replies

clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:00

Feel like I actually was unreasonable but didn't know what else to do. STBXH dropped by unannounced today and to cut a long story short it resulted in an argument. Me and my kids weren't in any danger.

He started crying and feeling sorry for himself in front of the kids. I told him I thought he should leave. He refused and said he was staying the night. I said absolutely not we've been separated almost two years and you can't just stay here and make me feel unsafe in my home (jointly owned). He refused to leave so I called the police

OP posts:
taytosandwich · 28/08/2019 23:01

YANBU. It seems like it was the only way to resolve the situation quickly and without escalation.

C0untDucku1a · 28/08/2019 23:01

Separated two years and he refused to leave. Yank.

C0untDucku1a · 28/08/2019 23:01

I mean yanbu

Original poster
clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:02

And tbh while I say I wasn't in danger he is actually so desperate it makes him very unpredictable. Police made me feel like I'd wasted their time

OP posts:
PavlovaFaith · 28/08/2019 23:03

Shock he can't just decide to stay the night!! You absolutely did the right thing.

katewhinesalot · 28/08/2019 23:03

Yanbu but if it's jointly owned doesn't he have a right to stay?
I hope he eventually went?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/08/2019 23:05

Don’t ever let him through your door again. Take his attempt to force his presence in your home today seriously. He will try this shit again. He doesn’t cross the threshold.

Joh66 · 28/08/2019 23:05

@PavlovaFaith yes he can. If the property is a joint tenancy, or jointly owned, both parties have every right to be in their property and to use it, unless there is an injunction or exclusion order in place, seperated or not.

Original poster
clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:05

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart I can't stop him though it's jointly owned

OP posts:
Cheeserton · 28/08/2019 23:06

I also was going to ask how you can be forced by police to leave a house you own, particularly when not being aggressive or violent or directly threatening...

What you did was quite understandable, but legally I'm not seeing how.

TitianaTitsling · 28/08/2019 23:06

Is it still jointly owned? I don't know if you can legally make him leave?

HappyParent2000 · 28/08/2019 23:07

You need to sort the ownership thing.

Shouldbedoing · 28/08/2019 23:08

I'm fairly sure that after 6 months if he is not habitually resident there he loses the right to enter uninvited. Despite ownership.

PavlovaFaith · 28/08/2019 23:08

@Joh66 but it strikes me that refusing to leave when asked (given he clearly doesn't LIVE there) could be interpreted as intimidating behaviour... is that not reasonable grounds to call the police?

Wildorchidz · 28/08/2019 23:10

Police made me feel like I'd wasted their time

I can see their point. You were at no risk. Your children were at no risk. He is still legally joint owner of the house. Why was it a police matter?

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2019 23:10

What did the police do about it?

TitianaTitsling · 28/08/2019 23:10

Unless there's a back story of violence or aggression or an affair is a bit shit that one person in a relationship can just say- I don't want you here anymore, clear off- it's MY house now!

Original poster
clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:10

He was intimidating and bullying. He wasn't abusive or violent but I was scared tbh. I called the police in a panic as I didn't know what else to do

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 28/08/2019 23:12

Id say it is a police matter becUse he is clearly unstable
And trying to coerce op.

TitianaTitsling · 28/08/2019 23:12

Is he still paying the mortgage? You're saying not abusive but intimidating and bullying?

whattodowith · 28/08/2019 23:13

YANBU, I would have done the same thing. You have been separated for two years, not months. This isn’t a fresh split so emotions surely shouldn’t still be running high, he was being a dick and realistically how else could you have got him to leave?

Original poster
clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:13

@TitianaTitsling he was unfaithful that's what ended marriage. No "history" of violence but he did hit me last weekend for the first time ever. Never ever saw that coming and just don't know him any more.

Don't think it is MY house but I live here with the DC until it's sold. He's had a separate property for almost two years. I have no family here and nowhere else to go

OP posts:
Mary1935 · 28/08/2019 23:13

No you did the right thing. I’m sure he now has a permanent address so legally he’s lost his rights to returning to the house. Obviously he still owns it with you but that’s another issue.

dollydaydream114 · 28/08/2019 23:13

Jointly owned or not, if it's not actually his permanent address I don't think he can legally just decide he wants to spend the night there against the occupier's wishes, though - any more than a landlord who owns a property could just decide to spend the night in a house occupied by his tenants.

You were right to call the police, I think.

Original poster
clpsmum · 28/08/2019 23:14

@TitianaTitsling no he doesn't pay the mortgage I do. He lays maintenance for the DC. Funny though he told the police he did pay the mortgage???

OP posts:
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