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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment about sick leave AIBU to report?

143 replies

Fireinthegrate · 28/08/2019 15:37

Had to take Tuesday off work as I had a streaming cold over the bank hol weekend.
Went back today and a colleague commented about how I had had a lovely extra long weekend in the sun.
I had been to a country park on the Sunday morning and had put a pic of my dog swimming in the lake.

However I spent the rest of that day, and Monday and Tuesday on the sofa and didn’t go out again .
I am rarely off sick unlike other people at work who seem to take weeks off at a time for ‘stress ‘.
I have plenty of things in my personal life going on to make me stressed but I just get on with it.
I take one day off and get comments.
Was I unreasonable to have reported this to my manager? My manager is not my colleagues manager.
Colleague and I don’t do the same job.

OP posts:
AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 28/08/2019 17:24

I work in mental health Good God, I hope that's a lie.

lovemenorca · 28/08/2019 17:25

We all know the type at work.

They never progress because no one likes or respects them and management thinks they’re a pain in the arse but because they tick the basic boxes for their job role, they can’t get rid of them

elvis86 · 28/08/2019 17:26

Agree that your manager will likely be having a good laugh at your expense.

YABU. And pathetic.

Hopefully it'll bite you on the arse if and when your colleague finds out what you did, and you'll be the office pariah.

Blindandfrozen · 28/08/2019 17:26

Bet you’re the life and soul of the office Wink

adaline · 28/08/2019 17:27

As a manager, I am always suspicious of people who are ill just before or just after a Bank Holiday.

Yeah, I have to agree with this unfortunately.

Not saying your illness wasn't genuine OP but most people's experiences of bank holiday "illnesses" aren't good.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 28/08/2019 17:27

OP, according to MN taking any time off work for illness especially a cold is v v v v unreasonable.
But YABU with your attitude towards stress** and to post statuses on FB whilst off.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 28/08/2019 17:28

YWU to report your colleague - I hear what you say that the comment wasn’t lighthearted - you were still unreasonable to have reported something like this.

And your comments about being off with stress sound nasty. The fact you work in mental health makes it worse, not better, that you said such a thing.

Whilst I am sure you have many good qualities these posts of yours on this thread do not make you sound very nice.

catswhiskers15 · 28/08/2019 17:35

I really wouldn't go reporting a colleague for a comment like that. You will just create a toxic work environment. You will come across as petty and it might backfire badly on you.

PinkiOcelot · 28/08/2019 17:39

Where’s the OP?! I don’t think this thread went as expected!!

FrancisCrawford · 28/08/2019 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 28/08/2019 17:47

I could not have gone into work with ‘just a cold, because I could not stop sneezing, my face was itchy and I couldn’t wear my contact lenses because of the sneezing and streaming.

And yet you were well enough to return a mere 24hrs later?

Congratulations on a miraculous turnaround of such a terrible cold in such a short timeframe.

ThatCurlyGirl · 28/08/2019 17:52

*I am rarely off sick unlike other people at work who seem to take weeks off at a time for ‘stress ‘. I have plenty of things in my personal life going on to make me stressed but I just get on with it

The only thing worse than your patronising quote marks on 'stress' is the fact you don't even think other people's are real, just that they should get on with it because you can.

From your tone in the bold bit above you obviously do think badly of people about it. If you judge them for being unable to just 'get on with it' then maybe you should have 'gotten on with it yourself' and asked to work from home or just come in late.

She was either oblivious to your park visit and you've massively projected this because you were already worried it didn't look great.

Or she saw it, got a bit peeved and made a comment about it, which is wrong but you should be adult enough to decide to leave it and move on, or address her directly to explain (only very quickly no scene required) that you weren't well enough to come back to work.

Whatever scenario, running to a manager to report such a minor thing looks worse for you than for her tbh. We are adults - you're allowed to correct someone's misconception and stand up for yourself.

All you get out of this is a now awkward situation with her that could've been resolved very quickly between you two directly. And also a question mark in your managers mind as to whether your judgement is poor in wasting her time on this!

ThatCurlyGirl · 28/08/2019 17:53

Sorry, bold fail here's my post again.

I am rarely off sick unlike other people at work who seem to take weeks off at a time for ‘stress ‘. I have plenty of things in my personal life going on to make me stressed but I just get on with it

The only thing worse than your patronising quote marks on 'stress' is the fact you don't even think other people's are real, just that they should get on with it because you can.

From your tone in the bold bit above you obviously do think badly of people about it. If you judge them for being unable to just 'get on with it' then maybe you should have 'gotten on with it yourself' and asked to work from home or just come in late.

She was either oblivious to your park visit and you've massively projected this because you were already worried it didn't look great.

Or she saw it, got a bit peeved and made a comment about it, which is wrong but you should be adult enough to decide to leave it and move on, or address her directly to explain (only very quickly no scene required) that you weren't well enough to come back to work.

Whatever scenario, running to a manager to report such a minor thing looks worse for you than for her tbh. We are adults - you're allowed to correct someone's misconception and stand up for yourself.

All you get out of this is a now awkward situation with her that could've been resolved very quickly between you two directly. And also a question mark in your managers mind as to whether your judgement is poor in wasting her time on this!

Schuyler · 28/08/2019 17:54

YABU to have reported this over a little comment but even more U to be working in mental health with attitude towards those with stress related illnesses.

Septemberissue · 28/08/2019 17:55

Yes, YABU.

Your assumption and disparaging comments about people taking time off with stress is just Confused to me? How can you possibly say that people take the mick with stress when you have no idea what's going on in their lives? and you then say your work in mental health! good god!

Unlike the common cold, people who are experiencing stress are unable to get to work (which you should know, with your line of working being in mental health). However - when someone has a cold - they're generally fit to work. I'm in HR and the amount of people with the flu, the cold and 24 hour bugs the day before or after and bank holiday is staggering - your colleague was joking, and if a member of my team came to me with this I honestly don't think i'd take any action at all, it's petty and not really an issue for management and you must surely realise that. All you will do with these kinds of things is cause contention and toxicity in your team. Not a good move. Perhaps if you were that pissed off about it you should've mentioned this to your colleague - rather than shifting it onto a manager. What action do you want to come from this?

IAmALazyArse · 28/08/2019 17:59

It has some positives. The moment this gets out at work, you will never get comments like this again. Because no one will speak to you just in case so you don't report them🤷

ddl1 · 28/08/2019 18:05

I wouldn't report (unless the person has been constantly goading you and this was just the last straw). It was probably a bit of a 'Bank Holiday' joke and wouldn't have been made at another time. I'm not someone who usually tells people to 'lighten up', but I would about this, unless there's something you haven't told us.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 28/08/2019 18:06

I work in mental health so do understand about stress, but I’m afraid some people take the mick with time off

I hope you don’t actually work with patients! You clearly have no clue about the damaging effects off stress because you can just get on with it

You sound like the mental health nurse I had the misfortune to deal with when my DH had spent 9 months seriously ill in hospital, we were expecting him to die and I was struggling with an ASD DC. She actually said “well my husband died and my son has ADHD, you just get on with it”. I wonder if she had family and friends supporting her because I had no one and she nearly tipped me over the edge. Cow.

Oh and yes YABU to report your colleague.

BritInUS1 · 28/08/2019 18:07

Yes YABU

timeisnotaline · 28/08/2019 18:09

You work in mental health?
Perhaps you need some stress leave, snowflake.

KM99 · 28/08/2019 18:10

Fireinthegrate YABU working in a sector you clearly don't understand. Your comments about stress are abhorrent. Maybe if that's your attitude at work your colleagues relish the chance to mock you.

SpoiltDog · 28/08/2019 18:11

I am rarely off sick unlike other people at work who seem to take weeks off at a time for ‘stress ‘. I have plenty of things in my personal life going on to make me stressed but I just get on with it

I have no sympathy because this ^^ makes you sound like an utter prick.

I was off most of this week and some of last because I was in hospital having a medically induced miscarriage which also happened to be my 9th one at 25 years old. I've been off with stress before because of this. I'm sure small minded idiots like you think I'm 'taking the mick' as well.

You don't know anything about what other people are going through. Just because they don't tell you the ins and outs of their lives doesn't mean they don't have major things going on. Not everything is something you can just 'get on with'.

ddl1 · 28/08/2019 18:13

And I do think it's somewhat unreasonable to complain of people taking 'weeks off with stress'. Stress-related illness is illness; and just as genuine as, and often more dangerous than, a cold. Having stressful events in your personal life is not the same thing as being ill with stress, though it can increase the risk. Just as sitting next to someone with a cold is not the same thing as having a cold, though it can increase the risk. So saying that you 'just get on with it', when you don't actually have a stress-related illness, is not fair to people with severe depression, PTSD; or chronic physical illness aggravated by stress.

tequilasunrises · 28/08/2019 18:22

YABU to have complained I’m afraid, you should have just rolled your eyes and carried on with your life.

Sadly I think a lot of people have this attitude about stress. It’s difficult to prove and that makes people suspicious although education about mental health and employees wellbeing is getting better and hopefully this will make it less of an issue in future.

I had a colleague off with stress for six months and she’s been back 18 months but does the easy work, works from home, does short days a lot. I have experience of MH issues in the family so I know how debilitating it can be but often people don’t so it looks on the outside as taking the piss. I have heard people discussing how unfair it is that my colleague gets paid more than everyone else (been there the longest) but does the least and relies on others and I think this is a common feeling.

I really really hope workplaces try to do more to both combat workplace stress and help colleagues be more sympathetic.

user1471449295 · 28/08/2019 18:33

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