To ask if motherhood was anything like you expected?

[mumaw]

I honestly underestimated how difficult motherhood is, it wasn't anything like I expected it to be. I love my DS to bits, but sometimes I yearn for my life before I had him - having a full night's uninterrupted sleep and being able to leave the house quickly etc.

I'm so sleep deprived and a few hours to myself would be absolutely bliss!

Was motherhood anything like you thought it would be?

It was pretty much how I thought it would be, although I was pleasantly surprised by finding some (but by no means all!) of the baby days easier than I thought it would be. I had taken my parenting knowledge from my older sister who is an immense drama queen, so the picture she painted was of relentless doom and gloom with no positive stuff at all.

It actually hit me like a brick. I waited until I was 27 to have my first, thinking I'd have had my partying and be ready for it. Nope!

I'm 49 now and they're both pretty much grown up, and fab kids, they're everything to me. However... I couldn't swear to making the same choices if I had my time again. I know that sounds awful, but this is the only place I would say that.

Absolutely not.

It was much, much harder than I had expected it to be.

And relentless. Everything changes. Getting out of the house with a baby seemed to be a monumental struggle. Even getting any breakfast before lunchtime was difficult.

However when I had the second baby it seemed remarkably easy. By that time I knew what was going to happen and just got on with it.

Yes same here, much harder than I expected. But feel like a better, stronger person for having survived. And now they’re older, quite proud Of the job I did as a (mostly singl ) Mum

Agree with sirjames. With the second you are more resigned to the fact that life as you knew it is over, and realise the world won’t end if you don’t feed/hold/change/entertain your baby immediately every time it cries. Much easier except that you’ve got more than one to cate for!

Yes, in that I expected sleepless nights and to be tired when they were babies, baby groups, school etc but what I wasn't prepared for was the overwhelming feeling of responsibility that came with having children. I hated that for a long time and found it frightening. The feeling has never left me so I've got used to it now and it doesn't feel quite so overwhelming most of the time.

Pretty much. Thankfully my DD is a good sleeper and can count on my hands the number of sleepless nights I've had in nearly 2 years, so it was better than I expected in that sense.

Leaving the house though? Dear God I wasn't ready for just how much effort it would be, and remembering the first time it had taken me over an hour to leave the house and thinking this is my life now. Sounds stupid but it was then I had a wobble and thought what have I done, no more dashing to the shop and stopping off for a nice coffee.

Mine are still pre school but I'd thought people were exaggerating when they said they couldn't find time to have a hot drink or a shower when kids were small. I found some things easier like I dont actually mind changing nappies (I'm v squeamish and pre kids the thought made me panic). The complete lack of time to myself to relax etc was the thing that shocked me and my husband the most

I found the first few weeks with my first baby intensely difficult, far harder than anything I had imagined. After that month or so it has been much as I thought it would be tbh. I'd spent a lot of time around my sister and her 3 when they were little though so that may have made a difference to my expectations.

Also didn't expect to become so emotional and anxious, I used to be a what will be will be person. Now I worry if she will be injured, what if I die young, what if she is bullied, what about if no one wants to play with her. I remember being in a park and my DD happily running up to another child and they ran off ignoring her, I was fuming

I found having a newborn to about 7 month old much harder than I'd expected. I find being the (WOH - and I think that probably is quite an important caveat) mother of a 13 month old so much better and more joyful than I'd expected.

Oh god, it was so much harder than I anticipated. The lack of sleep part was fine, I knew what I was getting in to there but how hard life just seemed to get hit me like a tonne of bricks. Everyone else seemed to have it so together where it would take me all day just to pop to the shop for a pint of milk. Thankfully, I spoke to my sister in law about it and she admitted she found it hard too and there was something so comforting about that!

Baby no.2 on the way now and I have no expectations and just plan to take everyday as it comes. I'm dreading how hard it can be but dd is now 2 and the best little child so I know it's worth it. I can also feel my anxiety starting to creep back up and irrational thoughts edging there way in but thankfully, I know what that is now where as first time round I truly felt I was going under.
Speaking to my midwife next week to get it all in check and get support early so I suppose the second time round is easier as you know what you're getting

I have also found that my life long anxiety issues have essentially disappeared since having him, which I very much didn't expect (and which is, to be fair, as far as I can tell incredibly unusual, for most people anxiety is higher not lower after children - I guess I lucked out!)

So so glad I'm not the only one here that struggles with it. Im only 22, so still feel really young in that sense and it is hard to come to terms with the huge responsibility that comes with having a child

Lack of sleep was hard, finding a toddler really, really challenging!!

It's the little things that I miss - being able to have a hot cup of tea, going for a nap whenever I wanted to, long hot relaxing baths..

I expected lack of sleep, dirty nappies etc which were fine, I can deal with that kind of stuff. It’s the lack of time that gets to me sometimes - I can’t relax unless the house is clean so after I pick 9mo DD from MIL and we do bath and bed etc, I end up floating about cleaning and then have to stay up even later doing planning and making resources (am a primary school teacher). I then get no chill out time, which is hard mentally.

I wouldn’t change it though! Well, perhaps I’d want her to crawl already, so she doesn’t just whine at me all day like she has done ALL SUMMER 😩

Yes, it's pretty much exactly like I thought it would be. Maybe slightly better and easier than I expected, after reading so many doom and gloom stories.

I don't really get why people say they were shocked by how hard it is and that "nobody told them". 5 seconds of googling will bring up hundreds of thousands of articles about how parenting is so horrible, awful, life ruining - it's all you read, and all people ever tell you.

Or come on MN. There are 10 000 threads on how parenting is horrible, I've seen maybe 1-2 on things people like about it.

I've even seen a thread where a poster was saying she enjoys life much more since her dd died, as parenting was horrible. And she wasn't being goady or a troll, she was quite disturbed to feel that way but it was how she felt.

@1300cakes bloody hell

I expected it to be mentally tough, but I wasn't prepared for how physically demanding it would be too.

It's so so much better than I thought it was going to be. Being a mummy makes be so happy ( but I think I got lucky and have a naturally very mellow baby)

The early days were as I expected. The shock is that it has got so much harder as the DC get older.
I called the shots during baby and toddler-hood. Now they, their educators, society and their peers dictate the way things go and I sometimes struggle with that.

Much harder mentally than I thought. I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me, however. I adore my DD, she is wonderful but please stop talking for one second. I never appreciated silence before.

More than I ever dreamt of,I loved it,I had three in four years.

I'll tell you what surprised me the most - breastfeeding.

I never realised how much time it would take up - and I'm a midwife.

I had no idea what cluster feeding was until I had DC - or how many times a day I would have a baby on the breast.

I was lucky in that my mother and two older sisters had successfully breastfed so I got all the best advice from them.

The Health Visitors were useless.