To ask if motherhood was anything like you expected?

[mumaw]

I honestly underestimated how difficult motherhood is, it wasn't anything like I expected it to be. I love my DS to bits, but sometimes I yearn for my life before I had him - having a full night's uninterrupted sleep and being able to leave the house quickly etc.

I'm so sleep deprived and a few hours to myself would be absolutely bliss!

Was motherhood anything like you thought it would be?

Right from pregnancy, I don't think I realised how hard it would be. And through my nausea I was looking forward to the baby being born so I could have a break! Ha! There are no breaks in this game. I knew intellectually that a baby meant sleep deprivation etc. but the reality of that I found so much harder than I imagined. Breatsfeeding was terribly painful for a full 3 months, not the oft quoted 6 weeks. I never felt like I could put DD down until recently. People always seems to caveat these things with "but it's all so worth it" but I'm still waiting for my it's-all-worth-it revelation! When I see people are loving it I just feel so confused and baffled. I want to get inside their heads!

I will say nothing or no one can prepare you for the mental hell of teenage years. Yes to pp who said her brother looks 10 years older than her dh.

If it’s not your dc, it’s their friends MH or lack of friends or being dropped by their best friend or exam stress (I’m looking at you Gove) or any myriad of reasons that will give you & them sleepless nights. You only need to look at the teen boards on here to see that. Add to that the worry of having their drinks spiked when they are out (sometimes at friends houses) & you’ll realise the early years are the easiest. One of my dcs has their drink spiked & it was truly awful. Hospital visit, on a drip & paranoia that it was a friend that did it ‘for fun’.

I had 2 under 2, and and the getting out of the house was and still is a real struggle. Buses are a nightmare with a double buggy etc also.

But my most shocking revelation lately is that I really miss working full time. Don't get me wrong I really really love my kids and cherish the time with them, but after having a bout of anxiety and bad mental health I still find it hard getting up in the morning without a feeling of doom and gloom in my stomach on the days I'm not working (I only do 8 hours a week).
When I'm at work I become myself again don't wake up with that horrible feeling.

To add to that, I was meant to say that before kids one of my reasons of wanting them is that I wouldn't have to work anymore (would never admit that to anyone in real life)

@mytvwatchesyou I feel the same way about work. When I'm there I'm almost myself again, on the other days I feel the doom.

To add to that, I was meant to say that before kids one of my reasons of wanting them is that I wouldn't have to work anymore blush (would never admit that to anyone in real life)

I thought the same! At the time I wanted to give up work. It was never going to happen but I fantasised about it. I went back part time and am SO GLAD I did. I wouldn’t say I love work but it’s a doddle compared to crazed children

Yes I sometimes feel the doom. Often correlated with time of the month when pre child I could’ve hidden under the duvet but now get woken at 6am MUMMMMMMMMYYYYYEEEE
I’m early 40s and probably peri menopausal and getting quite bad PMT (anger and anxiety)

After school activities and rushing here, there and everywhere is something I was unprepared for. I’m dreading the teenage years!!😱

We have 4, though; all planned, loved and wanted.

Oh and as a teacher I’m used to being able to get 30 5 year olds to stop and listen......my 9, 8 and 5 year olds not so much. The number of times I repeat myself drives me utterly demented.

Oh, and every time I go to use the toilet I have to flush someone else’s turd away, pick the hand towel off the floor, etc etc

Newborn was a doddle period for me! DD was such a good baby I was actually bored and returned to work a month earlier than planned.

Just a few weeks later DD suffered a life threatening illness which left her with SLD 😥 - life then was incredibly tough and our lives/careers as we knew it were pretty much over or so we thought.

It was an enormous struggle over many years to get our lives back on track and to obtain the specialist help our gorgeous Dd so desperately needed.

26 years later we all have wonderful lives, our DD has her own apartment with 24 hour care in a fantastic centre very close to home. We have a toddler in an adult's body but, my God, she has enriched our lives so much and we wouldn't be without her for the world.

Motherhood absolutely nothing like I expected or originally planned but I am a much better person for being blessed with my wonderful DD.

It’s the unexpected being a parent Raffles isn’t it

One of my dc has been diagnosed with a life threatening illness & the other had life saving surgery which went a bit wrong, and took years to get back on track.

I traced back the difficult teenage years to the surgery as they were effectively off school for almost 2 years. Great support from the school but it was still unbelievably hard.

Mostly as I expected it but my siblings all already had kids, we are a close family so I had realistic views on life with a tiny child or two.

I do struggle with the worry tho. No one can prepare you for just how much you love them. DD is in hospital atm, doing well & not too serious but the anxiety of it has been agony, and the pain of leaving her there each night unbearable.

Oh that’s so stressful NoIDont

I can really empathise with those who say that they miss working full time or find working easier. I find the days looking after my son much more tiring and often more stressful than work days, which I think has to do with my lack of confidence still as a mum, it causes me a lot of anxiety.

I 100% think that one of the reasons I massively prefer being the mum of a one year old to having a newborn is that I'm now back at work. I really, really missed work (to be fair I have a very engaging, interesting job) on mat leave. I've just had the last month off because I finished one job at the end of July and am starting a new one in a week, and it has been so nice having a full month with DS and DH (who's a teacher, so always off in August), but I am also so ready to go back to work! I am a massively nicer, kinder mum with the time away work gives me. I know that lots of people would think that makes me a shit mother, and I don't care.

@NewAccount270219 I don't think that makes you in any way a shit mum! And if it does then hello from a fellow shit mum!

It definitely makes me a better parent for various reasons. Work really stimulates my brain and gives me intelligent adult company (my son is intelligent granted but he is also under 2!). I enjoy travelling into the office and having the change of scene and time to myself. I've always worked really hard at my career and during the week days it was my main focus so it gives me a professional identity. I've done what I do for 12 years and feel comfortable with it but can't say the same about being a parent! Maybe most importantly I get the chance to miss my son so I value him more when I do see him.

Personally I think mums should stop beating ourselves up for wanting a career and accept that it might be the best thing for our kids AND us. My son has a great life: he has two days a week with my very patient mum, two days a week in a lovely nursery and three days with me. I'm much kinder and more patient with him now I don't have him every day of the week so where's the issue? And I hope he will grow up to recognise that women can be mums AND professionally important/independent.

I found having babies easier than I expected and I liked it a lot more than I expected. I got a sense of connectedness and wholeness from breastfeeding and disappeared down the rabbit hole of pretty, fluffy reusable nappies.

I wasn't ready for the sheer grind and frustration of the next ten or twelve years after that. The struggle to find something everybody would eat and the repetitive, bland meals that made me fat as I tried to get calories into skinny, picky eaters. The loss of freedom trying to plan the simplest of errands around what the kids can do and how much complaining I can stand. The use of most of my annual leave covering school events, inset days and sick days. The collapsed work plans when important deadlines have to be missed if there's a call from the school because somebody fell in the playground or threw up. The way deep cleaning and DIY at weekends are next to impossible because somebody always has to be fed in the next few hours. The way the house is a wreck again within a few hours of trying to clean and tidy it.

I love my kids to bits, but I do feel like I've lost my own life in the process of arranging theirs. I'm old, tired and boring. When it's really obvious that the teen finds my conversation dull and can't wait to escape, I'm frustrated because the person I used to be once was fun but raising kids with a full time job and very little help knocked it out of me.

No, I thought I had a fairly balanced perspective prior to having children but then I had postpartum psychosis with dc1 and essentially mislaid the first six months of his life. Wasn't expecting that. Dc1 hates going to bed and dc2 wakes up around 3am every night. So my last good night's sleep was approximately 4 and a half years ago. Last night I had 2 hours I think, was shaking with tiredness this morning.

There are definitely days when I wish I could go back in time to dh (the broody one) saying "lets try for a baby, give it six months" and tell him to sod off.

They are wonderful and I love them to bits but I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a stay at home mum and I'm definitely not cut out to run on virtually no sleep. Last saturday night I managed to get to the pub with a few other mums and it was 3 hours of heaven before I had to go home and referee.