To ask if motherhood was anything like you expected?

[mumaw]

I honestly underestimated how difficult motherhood is, it wasn't anything like I expected it to be. I love my DS to bits, but sometimes I yearn for my life before I had him - having a full night's uninterrupted sleep and being able to leave the house quickly etc.

I'm so sleep deprived and a few hours to myself would be absolutely bliss!

Was motherhood anything like you thought it would be?

It's the little things that I miss - being able to have a hot cup of tea, going for a nap whenever I wanted to, long hot relaxing baths..

Do you have a partner? If so, then you can do this once your DS isn't an actual newborn needing constant feeding - you can't do it whenever you want, but you can totally do it. It is a lot harder if you're on your own.

Parenting my kid pretty much, what I didn't prepare for was having to do it all alone, relationship break down when she was 10months, I don't have my own family and friends drifted away.
I expected it to be a joint effort between me and exp, and also have a support network of some kind in his family (who I was very close to before we split) and my friends but relocation after the split made that hard too.
So things didn't turn out like I hoped and have been much harder than I thought but I'm not sure how much it was to do with the actual parenting or my circumstances.

The baby days were worse than anything I expected. I mean, I expected sleepless nights and lots of crying..but the sheer relentlessness of it all knocked me for six. There were many many days where I didnt shower unless someone physically came to my house and held the baby, the relief when I handed him over to someone for half an hour was immense.

However it all turned a corner when DS started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks, and now at 5 months I'm really enjoying it...but that's because he's finally in a good routine and I can PLAN again

It was pretty much how I expected. What I didn't, and you can't anticipate is the relentless of it mentally and physically. Not just being a parent but working in a professional job 4 days a week as well- it was the work bit that nearly did me in, not actually being a mum.

And that if anything, it got WORSE when one of them started school - so much more to do and remember. If I was doing it all over again, if it were possible, I'd try and get myself into a position where I was in a much less demanding and more part time job first.

Well, everything was fine until DH died suddenly, just before our second baby’s first birthday. From then on, it was very much harder than I’d expected. Particularly trying to juggle a job as a hospital doctor with being a single parent to a baby and toddler, while devastated by grief.
Life never turns out the way you expect! And once you’re through the sleepless nights and nappies, you have to deal with the teenage traumas, and in my case the difficulties of a depressed autistic DD who hanged herself twice as an adult.
I’d advise any mum to learn stress management and have relaxation therapy. Because it doesn’t get any easier....

I don't really get why people say they were shocked by how hard it is and that "nobody told them". 5 seconds of googling will bring up hundreds of thousands of articles about how parenting is so horrible, awful, life ruining - it's all you read, and all people ever tell you.

I don't think that's really fair - someone can tell you something is hard but it's difficult to fully grasp quite how hard until you've done it yourself. I (stupidly, arrogantly, but probably quite commonly) thought I'd be alright with the sleep deprivation because I'd been very tired before and coped fine. I hadn't ever been severely sleep deprived for months on end before and I hadn't realised how tired I could be, and how hard I'd find it. Tbh I think I've already forgotten how hard it was and DS has only been sleeping well for a few months (and could still regress, I know!). Knowing something is hard in theory and getting through it in practice are quite different things.

It's hard work but I wouldn't change it for anything. I am desperate for number two. My ds is 8 months old.

Got pregnant unplanned at 22 a month after I married in the 70s so wasn't really ready emotionally or practically. As it happens I loved being a mother. Enjoyed the toddler days more than the baby days though. The really big shock to the system I found was that you couldn't really do anything adult unplanned. I don't mean together ...that was almost impossible ...I mean individually. If dh wanted to go out in the evening I had one choice ...stay in. The same for him of course. Before baby I could choose to go with him, choose to go out with a friend, call in to see someone, go to cinema ext. Suddenly only one choice ...stay in. We worked it out pretty equally but it took a while. DH wasn't a drinker but quite social and sporty and a first he just couldn't work out why it might be a problem for him to go out when mostly I didn't want to. We had many conversations along the lines of 'but what's the problem ...you hadn't planned to go anywhere had you?' 'No ...but that doesn't mean I want to stay in without any adult company after all day with the baby'.

I actually found it a lot better than expected. I feel like, as a pp said, the internet is full of articles talking about how parenting is hell on Earth. I also had a long history of mental health problems, so everyone involved in my care while I was pregnant was on high alert for me developing post natal depression, and my pregnancy was a relentless series of appointments with midwives, consultants, nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists, social services etc. I surprised everyone (including myself!) by being totally fine. I had the usual hormonal stuff but no major health issues and I’ve been pretty good mentally ever since. I really enjoy parenting and I’m lucky that DD was a relatively easy baby (she’s a self-destructive whirlwind of a toddler though!)

It’s pretty much how I imagined it tbh. I was so young when I had my dds that I never really had that single easy adult life and didn’t pine for it.

I’ve loved every stage from baby to teen.

It is like I thought it would be but I'm not the natural I thought I would be really. I love it though! I wish I could disregard all the rules and regulations constantly shoved down our throats about rearing babies then I might feel like I'm doing a bit of a better job.

When I was pregnant with pfb I was 19
I saw myself wafting round the park feeding the ducks
Going shopping with a sleeping baby in the pram
I saw her growing up a bit and playing nicely on the floor while I had a chat with friends and drinking a hot cuppa
Reading a book while she played with friends

I was a fool

None of those things happened-it was a slog of sleepless nights,low level whinging endless breastfeeding and not being able to pee in peace

Still had 6 of em in ten years tho

Yes, much harder than I thought. After dc1 I remember thinking why didn't anyone tell me what it would be like. I thought it was a secret everyone kept or you'd never have children. I remember the anxiety the first night we came home from hospital. Its never really left. I was also diagnosed with a heart problem with my second dc and had lots of tests after he was born as I had a pregnancy related TIA (in which they picked up the heart issue). In saying all that things are great now. They are soon to be 6&8. They are without a doubt the best thing I have ever done with my life. I love them more than anything. I think I can say that because I generally get 8 hours sleep a night which helps!

I really thought having one would make me want two or more and a typical noisy 'family home'. But it really didn't.
And not because of any bad experiences - pregnancy was ok, the birth was fine, baby months were nice in some ways despite being hard work, ds is super and I love them loads. But it really hasn't made me want more at all and we've pretty much gone beyond having another (dc is 6).

Had my first and only at 22. Was a lot harder work than I could ever have imagined and I'm aware what people will think of me but I don't actually like being a mum. I love my DS but if I could have my time again and know exactly what I was letting myself in for, I wouldn't have any at all

It was just like I thought it would be until we hit the teenage years. And now it's much much worse :(. There are a lot of warnings about babies (sleepless nights), toddlers (tantrums) but not as many realistic ones about teens. You are told to expect a bit of stropping....fine.
No one prepared me for the levels of rudeness and lack of logic behind it. For trying to manage social Media and friendship wars. For trying to keep them on the straight and narrow when they are being influenced by their friends...It's exhausting.
But most of all no one said how lonely it would suddenly be-I so miss the cuddles and unconditional love they used to give when they were little. They are now in their rooms a lot and although mine aren't the worst teens I know of by a long way, it makes me feel really sad sometimes that they don't need or want me as much as they did.
(All part of them growing up of course-its just no one told me how it would make me feel!)

The baby days were harder than I expected, maybe because we had far less family interest, involvement and help than we might have hoped for. This was partly the reason I went back to work at four and five months pt, so life returned to some sense of normality asap. They were also good sleepers.
The primary school years were a dream, and now teens, I enjoy them even more. Two was enough, but on the whole it's been far more fulfilling and enjoyable than I ever imagined.

For the most part, yes it is as expected. The thing that still surprises me is how Uber protective I am of my DD. Walking through town today, she was skipping along beside me and I was enjoying that and the strange conversations we were having. while also watching everyone around us, checking how close she was to the road, whether any street sweeper machines were coming, were there any dips in the pavement or curbs that she'd trip on. There was one particularly angry, red faced man shouting at a taxi and I whipped us over to the other side of the road to make sure she wouldn't see him in a rage.

God forbid if anything actually did threaten her, I really think I'd become full on Mama bear killing machine.

It's exactly how I imagined it. The best thing I've done in my life.

No, not much like I expected at all. But then I expected one baby, and had two. I expected to take them home after they were born, but they spent two weeks and two months respectively in NICU. I expected to breastfeed but I had to pump instead. I didn’t expect to have two disabled children, and my experience of parenting is completely different to pretty much everyone I know.

I've even seen a thread where a poster was saying she enjoys life much more since her dd died, as parenting was horrible. And she wasn't being goady or a troll, she was quite disturbed to feel that way but it was how she felt.

Was her child disabled, or unwell for a long time previously? Unless you’ve been in that situation you can’t possibly understand what it’s like. DT2’s endocrinologist is testing him for yet more life limiting conditions- the thought of him being gone is unbearable, but the thought of him outliving us and possibly needing to live in a residential home where he could be abused is unbearable too. I can understand how there could be some relief in that situation but most wouldn’t understand this.

Absolutely not.

I expected to have enough time to write my first novel. Reader, ten years later and I still have not

Joking aside, I had twins which was not expected, I was so overwhelmed during my early pregnancy. But I didn’t really have any expectations, or none that I can remember.

I find it much better than expected, especially now my youngest is 2 and I know I'm having no more. We're like our own little tribe, there's always something to do and fun to be had. Huge caveat though, I don't work. I can't even imagine how I would find time to do all I do plus go to work as well. The downside of that is we don't have much money so I do spend a lot of time worrying about that.

I think the baby stage has actually been easier than I expected. I’m tired but not that tired as baby wakes a lot but goes down easily. She cries more than some but far less than others and never inconsolably. Breastfeeding was a bit painful in the beginning but got much easier. She’ll sit in a bouncer just long enough for me to shower & get ready etc (though I have perfected putting makeup on while simultaneously bouncing her). Getting out isn’t an issue as I’m a slovenly sort and will leave a bombsite in my wake and clean up when I get in ;)

What I’m dreading is going back to work and getting less overall sleep. And I think once they start rolling/crawling/walking and don’t stay in the same place you put them...that’s when it’ll get infinitely more stressful! 😂

I was really lucky, both mine were sleeping through the night from around 3 months. They were both also quite placid babies, and I was young so I had bags of energy! Honestly I also think it was easier doing it without the internet! (I had mine years ago). All this pressure now on what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Back then you mostly went on instinct and I don’t think that was a bad thing. I enjoyed it a lot so I guess yes it was what I was expecting.

@babdoc

That all sounds dreadfully difficult to cope with. Sorry.