I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

I wonder if in this case they are saying that @Appletina doesn’t fit in - nothing to with attire?

I worked in the City for three weeks. Wearing suits did not suit my work outlook and I was uncomfortable. I resigned - I found their corporate look v their output hilarious.

Worked for a large org with offices around the country. Some colleagues (I’d never met in real life) attended a meeting and raised eyebrows - they’d assumed (through email/phone) I was blond with bun - not at all and was sitting crossed legged at my desk in ripped jeans.

Each to their own but I work best when comfy and my comfy is a 90’s student grunge thing (even though I’m +50).

If op wants to dress up to make her feel more professional, then good on her.

I had to google Balenciaga but then I think trainers are for exercise.

Tulle? Not sure but it was the first thing that came to mind. It’s certainly frothy

If op wants to dress up to make her feel more professional, then good on her.

Agreed.

FFS - we are still getting twaddle. I despair. Please everyone read the posts from Iamthewombat and Qualcheckbot and GenderFree.

Précis please.

This thread is intriguing as reading all responses it’s format is almost like the old TV Show - “What’s my line “ where you had 20 questions to guess the person’s occupation . I’m guessing you are a Registrar .
Seriously when you look back at old footage in films of the 60’s and 70’s people are generally much scruffier generally - and it seems we all have to dumb down as it were. I used to dress very smartly for work but since retiring early it’s dog walking attire for me but sometimes with a tweed jacket to smarten up . I think it’s a bit much if you are wearing modest and conservative dress as you describe . Makes one wonder whether it’s the brands people object to ? If you were dripping in expensive jewellery that might be a problem I guess but I can’t see anything wrong in timeless and hard wearing more expensive clothing. Better for the environment long term too .
Going back to the guess of Registrar it’s more wishful thinking . On registering a death I was incredibly shocked at the scruffiness of the woman who dealt with me. Baggy cardigan and dirty shoes , offhand attitude .
Far more disrespectful than dressing up smartly . Think the world has gone mad as I think she’s still there . Hope to goodness they keep her away from weddings .

You also thought that ‘yes, the OP’s employer is being a bit unreasonable taking issue with her dresses and cardigans’ was synonymous with ‘clothes don’t matter and different workplaces can’t possibly have different dress codes’. Projection again.
Yet again the boring projection argument that's only ever used on Mumsnet.

Some posters on here have repeatedly argued against organisations having differing dress codes and formality and suggested that people should just wear what they like as long as it fits some broad accepted to them definition of workwear.

it’s funny that many of your ‘alternative points of view and experience’ consist of long descriptions of your friend from university and how awkward she was. Why bring that into this thread? You have no idea whether the OP’s personality is anything like that of your friend. You know nothing about the OP.
Many? A summary of one friend on reflection about picking which hill to die on Vs accepting part of being a sensible adult in the workplace means sometimes taking on board advice rather than finding drama and confrontation.

Not once have I said that the OP was like my friend. It was a DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE with similar principles, which is (according to you) projection if the experience doesn't confirm your view.

Other examples included:
Advice I was given when starting in a new setting
Advice I have given in the workplace
Advice training providers and schools I've worked in have given
How office gossip passing comment should be ignored but senior staff might be worth some reflection on

Vulnerable is not necessarily poor. And vice versa.
Very true and different types of vulnerability will manifest in different ways.

NoTheresa
I feel the same about the way some staff dressed in those shows (and in some schools to be honest). Male staff seem to have a much more rigid dress code and expectations than female staff in my opinion and much as I love our flexibility and would like men to be afforded the same, I do think some female staff dress far too casually for the context.

I do agree with you MrsRufus when did we to the point that employees have to dumb down their clothes.

When I was still practicing law it was expected I’d always wear a suit regardless of the type of client and their possible vulnerability. I doubt anyone was intimidated by this. It’s just a silly notion.

Doesn't it depend on the context though gender?

E.g. Law will have will it a certain professional relationship and set of events and procedures etc. If I met with a lawyer and they were looking scruffy then I would have reservations about their competence, not because clothes are the be all and end all but because I would question their judgement if they felt gymwear was professional dress (I exaggerate but you know what I mean).

But if I was seeking some basic advice from a charity when I'm in a really tough situation and need a supportive shoulder then someone being in jeans and nice top is probably going to initially come across as more personable and relatable, which in turn might make me want to open up a bit more.

Neither is dumbed down or excessively formal, they're just different. The clothing doesn't tell me anything about their professional competency, but would probably affect the early parts of interaction and relationship building.

Personally, I find the whole cool kids in creative/tech start ups in scruffy clothes to be bizarre and not to my taste, but that's their industry norm.

It’s amazing the threads that take off!

Nod, smile, ignore.

If there is a dress code to dress casually then it should be followed. It is ok to have a dress code as long as it is the same for everyone at the work place. So saying everyone must dress smartly / casually / wear a suit / uniform is fine but saying women must wear make up, heels etc is not ok. My OH has to wear a suit and their dress down friday has a smart dress code too and they were all reminded that this meant no jeans, t shirts and shorts recently.

If there isn't a dress code then carry on as you were. We do not have one as such and I wear what I want mostly within reason (I don't rock up to work in joggers or hot pants for example).

I don't feel the OP needed to mention the brands of her clothing in her initial post, she could have just stated she wears smart, good quality suits / skirts & blouses etc. To give us an idea of what she wears.

Obviously OP values quality clothing and enjoys looking smart, the way she mentioned the brands and referred to her colleagues as scruffy makes me wonder if perhaps she's given a bit of a condescending attitude off about her clothes and this has prompted this comment.

It's a odd and inappropriate comment for a colleague to make, and I'm wondering if colleague was motivated by jealousy / irritation to say something that's a bit out of order. I'm guessing there's more going in here than just the clothes and colleague is being a bit petty.

Solina did you miss the bit that some colleagues wear dresses/skirts so short that you can see the top of their thighs.

Sorry Solina I meant ChangeItChild.

Oh dear. Did you pay any attention at all to the well-informed posts from Qualchecbot

Oh dear. Have you not copped that the poster in question has totally misinterpreted the issue and her rather limited, black and white thinking has no relevance in the real world? Interesting.

So, OP says ‘what about so and so’ and she’s told ‘we are pursuing a disciplinary matter with that person, which is none of your business’

And she looks like a total tit. Result!

If op wants to dress up to make her feel more professional, then good on her

What if it means she’s doing her job less well as a result?

That’s right, everybody. Ignore the posts from Qualckeckbot and Genderfree. They are only articulate legal professionals. What would they know about the OP’s rights under employment law?

Far better to pay attention to Laurie and Flowery. They know what’s what.

I have a vague feeling that Flowery is a solicitor. I could be wrong.

Look if anyone thinks private sector companies cannot divulge themselves of employees they don’t want, then I’ll let their naivety knock them out. Super.

Not that this necessarily applies to the OP who I doubt is in danger of losing their job.

However, failing to take on board feedback like this, assuming this senior person is aligned with broader management values could well affect progression. Particularly if their argument is that her formal style inhibits how well she is doing her job.

What's the law and how places can, and do, operate with very little come back are different things. Most of us know that.

I've seen countless people managed out of jobs, been pushed into settlement agreements to preserve their career (having done nothing other than their face not being right), a good number of what would be clear cut constructive dismissal cases but unions have said that it would be highly unlikely to get anywhere so they take a payoff (and the organisation is happy because they've got rid of the person). I left one organisation because I couldnt stand what I saw in places.

People giving some guidance on dress code could be a nasty piece of workplace bullying (one of my friends had multiple comments almost 100% based on her figure because slimmer women wearing the same thing had nothing said) or it could be useful advice that's worth taking on board in terms of perceptions, clients etc. Unless theres some history and backstory, it's common sense to run with the latter, take it with good grace, see what can be taken from it and move on. It's foolish of people to jump straight to bullying claims and policy arguments when there's often a simple and common sense way to get on.

My guess is that the OP works in a job centre.

I wouldn't automatically assume that the critical colleague is correct or has good judgment. Its a bit disappointing that so many people would be so easily led and not question strange instructions from someone without authority over them. I actually suspect that in real life they would totally bitch about it to friends and family and possibly not bother.

Slightly different, when I was in my first serious job, I was told by a male colleague who was the same level as me to make him a cup of tea. I had no idea who he was, he wasn't in the same department as me. I simply told him that wasn't what I was there for and I had to go to a meeting. His face was like sour milk. It did my career no harm whatsoever and I mentioned it to the senior partner a year later and we laughed about it and he said that was the attitude he was looking for. But when I posted about it on a site similar to here, there were a fair number of posters who said I should just have made him the cup of tea. Yes, they actually thought that if anyone asked you to do something even mildly appropriate, you should automatically comply just in case it "caused trouble".

MrsRufusdog On registering a death I was incredibly shocked at the scruffiness of the woman who dealt with me. Baggy cardigan and dirty shoes , offhand attitude.

I've come across similar occasionally and it does give off a poor vibe. There was a woman discussing the Constitution last night on the news who was wearing a rather scruffy and cheap looking t shirt. When you see most other constitutional and Brexit experts on tv who have made an effort to be smart it doesn't come across well. When you get the "trying to look casual" wrong, it is pretty dreadful.

HeadInTheClouds I have a vague feeling that Flowery is a solicitor. I could be wrong.

Since Flowery doesn't understand the very basics of how contracts are formed and employment law, I would be seriously worried if she/he were. I'm thinking paralegal or HR.

If Flowery is a solicitor then I feel sorry for her clients and her firm and I hope their insurance is up to date.

Probably HR or a junior legal clerk with no legal qualifications or real relevant experience.

Bottom line : boss says jump you say how high (within reason, dancing on the tables naked at your works xmas do UNLESS you are a stripper IS too far).
Coworkers say it and you take no notice.
That's the essence of it here.
25 pages op . Lol. That's the bottom line x