I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

Appletina there is a retailer that has white blouses that are sized by bust size. I’ll try and remember who they are.

I work in a fairly formal industry and the guys mostly dress very smartly, but the women have interpreted dress code all very differently (only a handful look smart/elegant), whereas most look a bit too casual (can’t stand open-toed shoes in the office) or like they’re off to a disco (strapless tops 😂). My boss dresses like Judi Dench in flowy kaftans and long scarves etc, which is really weird, as she’s on the board of directors and definitely stands out, but in an eccentric way (she’s very good at her job, so people must look past appearance).

I’ve got another female friend/colleague, who dresses far too formally and is in proper suits every single day or really rigid in buttoned up shirts. I think she makes people uncomfortable, because she actually looks uncomfortable. Haven’t RTFT, but I wonder if that’s what they mean in your case. How you dress may make others uncomfortable, as you stand out and look unapproachable

Maybe RTFT then. The OP is not wearing ‘proper suits’ or ‘really rigid, buttoned up shirts’. She is wearing smart casual clothes and low heels.

Also, if ‘standing out’ by looking different to everybody else renders you unapproachable, god help us. Should the OP and her colleagues all wear the same clothes to appear ‘approachable’?

I doubt it has nothing to do with the public. It is probably because you stand out from the rest of the team. YANBU

Ha, ha , I wore suits in the Civil Service when I went back to work, and it was mentioned by someone it was too smart. I got a promotion after a year!

Maybe it is jealousy?

Do you work in the adult entertainment business OP? One could imagine a nice Jaeger dress being a little too formal in that case!

The OP has been charged with the following:

- being an awkward type who digs her heels in and makes an issue out of everything, like a former friend of one poster.
Projection, I think it is called

Or giving alternative points of view and experiences (something only ever called projection on MN by people who like to dismiss any point of view or experience that differs from theirs). I also didn't charge the OP with anything. I said that I still believe there's often merit in listening to advice and guidance and feedback from senior staff and that when the options are "be mindful and be a little more casual" or "make a big fuss over something because you don't like how other people dress", this isn't the hill I would choose to die on.

Equally, other posters haven't said she would deserve to be sacked at all. What those posters have said is that organisational culture is complicated and if someone was inclined to create a big issue over this as a manager, they wouldn't have to go through formal disciplinary etc over dress because the reality of working life is that countless organisations manage people out etc all the time and it's almost impossible to prove constructive dismissal. Talking about the reality of some workplaces and how they operate is not the same as saying how they operate is correct.

merlotqueen I had to go to a cross school meeting last year and my y11s asked what the occasion was because I was in a trouser suit. The attire matches the situation, at least part of the situation of my day.

Appletina
I hear you on the fast fashion front. To be honest, I think cost of brand is less relevant in this situation than cut of clothing. The cost issue is a red herring in my opinion.
I've seen some shockingly scruffy looking designer clothes and some delightfully smart tailored high street clothes.
There's a range of styles in Hobbs and Coast etc, some more formal, some more smarter summer dress style that may be seen at a wedding or day event, others that are more casual. Most people wouldn't have a clue where clothing comes from.

Based on it coming from a senior colleague, depending on how/when it came up, I would have a chat with your manager and then either carry on as normal, or make small changes to be mindful of the advice. You don't have to dress slovenly or scruffy to take the formal edge off an style (e.g. personally, going against the poster about crisp shirts, I hate crisp shirts because they're too stuffy and formal for me but I like lightweight chiffon blouses. Both are smart, but one is a bit lighter and looks a bit more informal when I remove my jacket).

Appletina there is a retailer that has white blouses that are sized by bust size. I’ll try and remember who they are.

Are you thinking about Pepperberry by Bravissimo by any chance? They do clothes size and bust size so you can have a 10 curvy / very curvy / super curvy . All the proportions stay the same except the bust.
They're brilliant!

Ah yes Bravissimo. Lovely quality as well.

I have RTFT (up to page 18). I genuinely never notice what people wear. I had dinner with friends last week: I know one of them was wearing something blue because she spilled sauce on it and I remember the stain.

And I never know how to dress: I’ve overdressed and underdressed before, and I hate being looked at. I hate my body and don’t know how to dress for my shape or what suits me or what colours look good. As a result of all of this, I’ve developed a ‘uniform’ of plain wide-legged trousers and a variety of cotton tops in different colours / with different necklines.

I can literally wear whatever I like to work. That outfit works there (long sleeved t-shirts); it works for nights out (plain low cut tops) and it works for going shopping. I don’t have to think about clothes or make decisions. Job done!

I'm guessing OP that you may be a tad posh and that and the quality of clothes you wear may make you appear standoffish. I do think clothes can cause some people to jump to conclusions about you, are you a counsellor because if you are having a slightly less formal attire may make you look more approachable.

Don't know why you can't just say what your job role is

@appletina can you send a link for those no peep blouses from marks please? Cant find them but they sound fab!

I’m very glamorous. I find it patronising to “vulnerable “ (we mean poor people here right?) that they can’t cope with this. WTAF is this about

What do you mean by “glamorous”? Tulle in the office!?

Vulnerable is not necessarily poor. And vice versa.

Me?

I disagree. That’s like someone asking if the sentence they received for their crime is fair, but then not telling us what crime they committed.

Yes, you are the person who described yourself as “glamorous”. Check the post directly above mine.

OH MY GOD JUST TELL ME WHAT YOUR JOB IS

WHERE ARE YOU EMPLOYED

WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING

En qué trabajas?!

quel est votre travail?!

ما وظيفتك

@Lolasmiles it’s funny that many of your ‘alternative points of view and experience’ consist of long descriptions of your friend from university and how awkward she was. Why bring that into this thread? You have no idea whether the OP’s personality is anything like that of your friend. You know nothing about the OP.

You also thought that ‘yes, the OP’s employer is being a bit unreasonable taking issue with her dresses and cardigans’ was synonymous with ‘clothes don’t matter and different workplaces can’t possibly have different dress codes’. Projection again.

Try to develop evidence-based arguments.

Is tulle glamorous?

It strikes me that some teachers, for instance, dress far too informally. I recall thinking that when I caught some of the Educating Yorkshire programmes. Actually it was mainly women. Kids do not expect you to ape them.