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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? To want to start a serious relationship with a Man I met on holiday?

135 replies

Sadestevenson · 27/08/2019 01:10

I am a single mum of three all above the ages of 10 and I recently went to Morroco and met an amazing tour guide who spent most of the week taking us on excursions. We became good friends and had alot in common with each other. Since arriving back in the UK we stayed in contact and I have been developing feelings for him. Is it unreasonable to want to start a relationship with him? And if I did have a relationship with him what sort of expectations should i have?

OP posts:
Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/08/2019 10:30

Please don’t. May entire career is based around dealing with the fallout of people who have been scammed in romance scams.

recrudescence · 28/08/2019 10:41

Minute chance of a successful outcome and every possibility of a total horlicks. You’re not a kid, OP. You must see this.

cardamoncoffee · 28/08/2019 10:56

Have I missed something? Why are posters calling him a scammer? He hasn't asked for money, marriage or even indicated he intends to set up with OP. For all we know the 'connection' might be in OP's head!

cardamoncoffee · 28/08/2019 10:59

In saying that though I still stand by my previous post that this is very unlikely to go anywhere so best not to invest time/headspace in it.

EEmother · 28/08/2019 11:16

If you have extra resource (both time wise and financial), why not.
I haven't heard any criticism of middle-aged divorced single fathers ordering an foreign bride 20+ years their younger, and it seems to be a very common scenario. Some of these marriages actually work out and are reasonably happy.

MarieG10 · 28/08/2019 11:24

Why not a relationship with a Morrrocan woman...oh sorry the U.K. woman offers better financial prospects and in reality you would have to marry him for him to even stand a chance getting in the U.K. (I'm sure this isn't his motive of course)

Think about your kids and don't put them through this shit.

Gatepost1820 · 28/08/2019 11:28

It's like a form of grooming & love bombing rolled into one. The guy singles out a desperate woman & then pursues her, she thinks it's wonderful like a Jane Austen/Mills & Boon romance. He tells her that he's never had a 'connection' with anyone like the one he has with her. Then goes on to say things like people will disprove but she's got to stay strong blah blah. She's then completely infatuated & can see wedding bells & happy ever after while ignoring red flags.

OP do the on line freedom programme so you can learn to recognise red flags & how to reassert boundaries. If you have had bad relationship experiences before then it's essential to look after yourself and your family before starting a new relationship. You do realise that paedophiles target single women with children to get access to them. You know absolutely nothing about this guy & you could be putting your kids in a risky situation.

Gatepost1820 · 28/08/2019 11:29

freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

LagunaBubbles · 28/08/2019 11:31

Surely all the stories in the Take a Break type magazines about women being left penniless and heartbroken tell you all you need to know?

Lweji · 28/08/2019 11:37

lol I will be out as soon as he does!

You won't see it coming if he's any good.

Remember that so many abusive men go for strong women who think they can cope with difficult men.
This is not an abusive man, but don't be so sure you'll spot the warning signs if he's after money from you either.

It's a long distance relationship, you won't know him very well, and the only outcome for a proper relationship is him moving to your country to sponge off you or get a visa.

You keep it going and when the warning signs show up you'll be too much into the relationship.

Cut it off now.

Lweji · 28/08/2019 11:38

I haven't heard any criticism of middle-aged divorced single fathers ordering an foreign bride 20+ years their younger

Only if you're deaf.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 28/08/2019 11:44

Sounds like a great idea, OP.

Or am I lying.

showmethegin · 28/08/2019 12:09

@msmith501 I don't think she did stay for him though? She had her head screwed on and she didn't want to be with any bloke she just wanted her independence. She got a job at his place so obviously wasn't arsed, she was free!

totally misses point of thread sorry op!

Clappingforjoy · 28/08/2019 15:58

Sure you can advise op on certain pitfalls with this type of relationship but cut the sarcasm.
Nobody can say for sure how it will pan out

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 28/08/2019 16:09

When you say you became good friends do you mean you spent a few days shagging him?

You know that in these countries single women tourists are pretty much the only women available to shag for local men so even if he is not looking for a visa to the uk and a hand out he will already have moved on to the next available women on his tour bus.

Lweji · 28/08/2019 16:19

BTW, at 39 doubt he is not married or is expected to marry someone.

I wouldn't raise expectations without knowing his family and friends well, but then you'd have to keep the relationship going.

Honestly, move on and find someone else closer to home.

Moomin8 · 28/08/2019 16:22

Expect to be just one of many.

^ I think this would be my concern

LightDrizzle · 28/08/2019 16:34

tbh I think he just has experienced heart ache like myself and wants to feel loved.

  • classic mirroring!
On the tenuous basis that you are not a journalist scouting for material, - step away from this man. His prospects in North Africa are nothing to what he will think he can achieve here. You have children, you are possibly not even Muslim? There is no way that without the economic incentive, you would be on his radar, no matter how lovely you may well be. Just as a Christian fundamentalist pro-life virgin from the Deep South wouldn’t be on my radar.
MrsNotNice · 28/08/2019 16:49

He might b lying about his age

BlueSuffragette · 28/08/2019 16:51

Don't even go there with this. Hes playing you and it's a con. He probably wants money and entry to the UK not you in particular. Sadly you may just be a tool for the job.

lululu16 · 28/08/2019 17:59

take it slow. plenty of talking before committing.. also i have been through the spouse visa process to get my husband to live in the Uk with me and our daughter.. incredibly stressful and costly.. also if you want him to visit the uK as a visitor beforehand to meet your family and get to know you more then it may be impossible if he doesnt own his own property or assets and have substantial ties to morocco. my husband didnt own his own home or have savings but had a contracted job and lived with family and he was unable to get a visit visa even though his gf and daughter lived in the UK

Gatepost1820 · 29/08/2019 09:13

Where's the op gone?

Andysbestadventure · 29/08/2019 09:18

You will be one of 12, OP. They can make careers out of having 'british girlfriends' and he has no real or genuine interest in you.

Don't be such a frigging mug 😂

brighteyeowl17 · 29/08/2019 09:21

Be cautious. I’ve known two people who did this, brought them to the Uk, they left them bang on the day they were allowed to stay (2 years after marriage?).

LadyGAgain · 29/08/2019 09:33

Wink This HAS to be a joke. No one falls for this nonsense anymore surely.