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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? To want to start a serious relationship with a Man I met on holiday?

135 replies

Sadestevenson · 27/08/2019 01:10

I am a single mum of three all above the ages of 10 and I recently went to Morroco and met an amazing tour guide who spent most of the week taking us on excursions. We became good friends and had alot in common with each other. Since arriving back in the UK we stayed in contact and I have been developing feelings for him. Is it unreasonable to want to start a relationship with him? And if I did have a relationship with him what sort of expectations should i have?

OP posts:
Jesaminecollins · 27/08/2019 06:39

Did anyone see this on Dr Phil?

Palaver1 · 27/08/2019 06:42

LellyMckelly
People do fall for this old time scam every single day.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 27/08/2019 06:48

OP He is paid to be nice and caring to holiday makers...you this week someone else next week..your not there you don;t see it....Please wise up for your kids sake and grow up.....

lemonyellowtangerine · 27/08/2019 06:50

Even in the ones that supposedly work out happily ever after you don't know what's really going on behind closed doors.

If all your friends and family had been telling you that you were making a mistake and a fool, but you married him anyway and he started abusing you, financially exploiting you, raping you... Would you really feel able to admit that to people who'd warned you off him, roundly judged you for marrying him and would probably say "I told you so"?

I doubt it. More likely you'd paint on a smile and portray a fairy story for everyone.

QOD · 27/08/2019 06:58

Has he got a friend? asking for a friend...

finn1020 · 27/08/2019 07:03

It’s a great idea. Offer to lend him £5k now, will save him asking for it later when his brother’s best friend’s sister’s baby needs a life saving operation.

S0CKS · 27/08/2019 07:03

Whilst I know somebody its worked for he did come over to the UK had a job already lined up before arrival and has been a decent and loving Dad and husband hes clearly an exception to the rule you just have to read any true story magazine on any week to read the stories!

KC225 · 27/08/2019 07:16

I am curious as to what you mean when you say you have so much in common.

I also think age and life experience play a big factor in starting a relationship like this.

Shoxfordian · 27/08/2019 07:24

Keep chatting to him if it amuses you but don't start catching feelings for him. He'll probably be onto the next woman now anyway.

colourlessgreenidea · 27/08/2019 07:39

People do fall for this old time scam every single day.

In the same way that people fall for shite on here every day.

OtraCosaMariposa · 27/08/2019 07:44

Don't be a mug. Really.

OpenYourEyes · 27/08/2019 07:46

I actually know two people this has worked out for, the lady up the road had an Egyptian toyboy and they have been happily married for quite some time. He seems to genuinely love her and they are happy.

One of the school mums married her Tunisian liver, same age bracket and they are still together happily married with children 8 years on.

So that's not yo say it never happens but if you proceed it would be with extreme caution and no sending of money anywhere.

Vasya · 27/08/2019 07:48

If you were single it might be an avenue you could explore (though I would still be wary) - but you have kids! It's not just your own safety and well-being you have to look out for.

What future is there in this? You can't move abroad with a man you don't know and three children in tow. You could go and see him for the odd week here and there, but you won't get to know who he really is that way. And he can't move here - and what would happen if he did? Where would he live and work?

By all means keep him as an online pen pal if that's something you enjoy, but there will never be a time where you are consistently able to spend enough time with this man to really know who he is or what he's like, which means he's never going to be a safe / known quantity around your children. For that reason alone he's never going to be a suitable romantic prospect.

ooooohbetty · 27/08/2019 07:49

I know someone who met a Turkish boy on holiday when she was 16. Over twenty years later they are very happily married with 2 children. He moved over here.

dottiedodah · 27/08/2019 07:57

Tread carefully here ,there are many many stories like this .Its very flattering to be on holiday in an exotic destination with sun sea and sex!.However its quite different back in the UK TBH!.Also 24 yr old barmen are not going to be awash with cash ,so beware any requests for money as that is the last you will see of it!

Monty27 · 27/08/2019 08:04

You've known him for how long?

ittakes2 · 27/08/2019 08:10

I have read so many articles of older women striking up relationships with men from this area and the men completely using them for their cash - having girlfriends on the side. Of course you seem to have so much in common - he is agreeing with what you say. Take it for what it was - a flirtation and move on.

pooboobsleeprepeat · 27/08/2019 08:30

Are you really that naive??

Lymehouse · 27/08/2019 09:54

I think he just has experienced heart ache like myself and wants to feel loved.

Oh dear God...

x2boys · 27/08/2019 10:09

Well.it's can work out ,someone I worked with met her Turkish husband on holiday 20ish years ago and they are still together with 3 kids he moved to the UK and has his own business ,but they were the same age.Someone else I worked with is Turkish and met his wife on holiday years ago he was a waiter again they are still married I don't think he's been entirely faithful though , but I would as both examples are the exception .

x2boys · 27/08/2019 10:10

Can work out*

PhilCornwall1 · 27/08/2019 10:10

@Lymehouse exactly!!!

Just waiting for this thread to pop up in the Daily Mail later!

BarbariansMum · 27/08/2019 10:13

Interesting take on it ittakes I always read the same articles and think of it as rich westerners buying sex.

cardamoncoffee · 27/08/2019 10:19

I know of a few women where this has happened and it has been a success and lots where it hasn't but the important bit to bear in mind is the realistic future of your relationship. Visa requirements into the UK have got extremely strict, unless he or you have a high salary and £18k+ savings in the bank then forget about bringing him here. The alternative would be you moving to Morocco, where the economy is dire and a tour guide's salary would be very meagre.

YANBU to develop feelings for him OP but let your head rule your heart.

JealousOrFair · 27/08/2019 10:32

But Examoles of Turkish men aren’t the same..

Turkey has a trade deal with the UK and a Turkish man who can start up a business can actually come to the uk and visa aren’t that hard to get. Turkey has a good economy not like Egypt and Morocco and is quite cosmopolitan in their culture.

Morocco and North African countries have s very difficult economy and difficult access to the UK.. I don’t see why Turkish men are being compared?? That’s like me saying I know someone who married Eastern European and it lasted...

The idea isn’t the ethnicity the idea is the circumstances

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