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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? To want to start a serious relationship with a Man I met on holiday?

135 replies

Sadestevenson · 27/08/2019 01:10

I am a single mum of three all above the ages of 10 and I recently went to Morroco and met an amazing tour guide who spent most of the week taking us on excursions. We became good friends and had alot in common with each other. Since arriving back in the UK we stayed in contact and I have been developing feelings for him. Is it unreasonable to want to start a relationship with him? And if I did have a relationship with him what sort of expectations should i have?

OP posts:
howdyalikemenow · 27/08/2019 10:34

No. Don't be ridiculous

EntirelyAnonymised · 27/08/2019 10:44

Plus stories of ‘I know a woman... and now they’ve been married 20 years with 2 kids’ isn’t the same. The OP isn’t footloose and fancy free, able to make these mistakes with only the risk of her losing out. She has children who will cop the collateral damage from this high risk relationship.

CruellaFeinberg · 27/08/2019 19:25

And if I did have a relationship with him what sort of expectations should i have?

very low ones?

Petrichor11 · 27/08/2019 19:43

FFS NO!

It has scam written all over it. He’s probably charming some other mug already.

He is paid to be friendly and make you feel like you’re special and getting individual attention, that’s his job! Which is fine, but don’t kid yourself that there’s a wonderful connection there.

cccameron · 27/08/2019 19:56

For your childrens sake, grow the fuck up

yy558 · 27/08/2019 21:15

Uhm. This is a joke thread right?!

Iamclearlyamug · 27/08/2019 21:24

It can work. I've been in a long distance relationship with my partner for 3 years now. He's Turkish and the kindest most loyal man I know. I know all his family, his friends, his work colleagues and he's met my 7 year old daughter and my brother and sister in law.

Go into it with your eyes open - honestly, I didn't believe when we met that it would be anything, but knew it could be and now it is. He's never once asked for anything from me, good god he'd be far too proud - and he'd sooner eat his own liver than live in the UK with it's horrible cold weather so pretty certain he's not after me for money or a visa!

Keep talking to him but don't get too involved - it might be something but equally it might not, and you don't want your kids involved in the fallout if it's not. Good luck!

PooWillyBumBum · 27/08/2019 21:25

No I wouldn’t.

In fact, I’d actively avoid North African men after seeing what my mum went through with my dad (and he was the same age as her, wealthy and living in England when they met!)

There are so many cultural barriers which don’t become apparent immediately and will be hard work. If you met under normal circumstances and you thought he was the love of your life I’d say go for it but his life is there, yours is here, you don’t know him and you are highly likely to have very different expectations of what marriage should be.

He might not even have bad intentions but my god would it be a faff to pursue this!

TeamUnicorn · 27/08/2019 21:34

I was going to regale you with a tale of holiday romance, 48 years married, 3 children, grandchildren, great grandchildren but this isn't the same.

It is a really bad idea.

PanamaPattie · 27/08/2019 21:35

Scammymcscammster.

TheRLodger · 27/08/2019 21:40

Do not do this. Walk away now. It’s a bad idea to even contemplate it

Morgan12 · 27/08/2019 21:42

I look forward to reading your story in Take a Break.

KarmaStar · 27/08/2019 22:17

Op,please stop contact with this person.there is every chance you will be drawn in if you continue.
Accept it for what it was and leave it there.
I have seen many in your situation totally ruined,mentally and financially.

Original poster
Sadestevenson · 27/08/2019 22:51

Sorry for not getting back to y'all apparently I have been too busy on Skype videoing my sexy tour guide😅..Thanks everyone for the advice. He is 39 same age as myself. I understand I need to be cautious and I am.deffintly not nieve... Peace😁

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 28/08/2019 01:49

You ladies are harsh but you keep it real.

Monty27 · 28/08/2019 02:20

He's probably said the same thing to the
last six and another six next one since you left love. Perks of the job so to speak

Gatepost1820 · 28/08/2019 02:39

I wonder how open minded your tour guide would be if his own sister or family relations had a fling with a male holiday maker. You'll find these guys are highly traditional & protective of their own females but other women are fair game. Start putting barriers in place to protect yourself & your children who you could be potentially putting at risk. You only know what he has told you and what you want to believe.

international tourists like you are an easy catch for men like him. It's a practiced routine & easy for him to charm into your bed, bank account & potentially a passport. That's what you're there for to provide an another income stream and easy sex. Moroccan women wouldn't be given the same courtesy as you. Stop video calling him, block him on all platforms and get on with your life.

Elodie2019 · 28/08/2019 05:07

I look forward to reading your story in Take a Break.

GrinGrinGrinGrin

Me too! Crack on OP...

Original poster
Sadestevenson · 28/08/2019 07:23

@Elodie2019
Hopefully it will be a successl story that you will be reading. smiles

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 28/08/2019 07:42

I went on a group tour in Morocco and the guide. No romance, but the guide was bright and interesting (as his job demanded) and inevitably over a few days people grew to like him and by the end there were offers to have him come and stay with some of the people. He was a nice guy, not some player, but still it was clear his opportunities were limited there and he wanted to come here. If there'd be an eligible woman, no doubt a long distance relationship of the kind your describing would have evolved and it would have felt genuine. But it wouldn't have been really, not deep down. And as you say you're not naive you must know that, so what is the point really - where is it going? Only more heartache in the long run.

makingmammaries · 28/08/2019 07:57

Be careful, OP. But my one that got away was a tour guide. We kept in touch for a bit. I was the one holding back because I was afraid. 25 years later I went back to his country and was hoping to meet him for old times’ sake, but I discovered that he had died 18 months earlier. I met one of his relatives who told me that he had been very unhappily married, had done everything he could to make it work, and that the stress from his ex-wife’s antics had probably contributed to his death. I still don’t know what decision I would take if I could go back in time, but be kind to your guy, while watching for red flags.

howdyalikemenow · 28/08/2019 08:46

U think tje op is yanking our chains!!!

MrsNotNice · 28/08/2019 10:03

You are going to feel horrible when he asks you for money for his dying mother, because of you say no you could risk the story being true and if you say yes you could risk him manipulating you further.

Just don’t be his hero.

Tell him that if he figures out a way to come to the UK on his own then to let you know as you would love to get together with him.

needsahouseboy · 28/08/2019 10:06

This has got to be a joke surely. He’s told you what you want to hear and had picked up in the fact your single with 3 kids and potentially more likely to fall for his bullshit.
Have you never read Take a Break??!?

IsobelRae23 · 28/08/2019 10:19

I know an older women that done this with a younger guy, and brought him to the UK. 21 years later they are still happily together. So I ate my hat on that one!