Monica’s Mother from Friends-esque comments...

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

I’ve been re-watching Friends and very aware that Monica’s Mother is incredibly similar to my own...

So I’m asking for those shit comments you get, that make your hackles rise and really make you want to flick said person in the middle of the forehead

My favourite recent one -
Just had my hair coloured a lovely shiny copper. Had lots of compliments and I’m very happy with it.
My mother opens the door to me, looks quizzically at my hair and says ‘Gosh, doesn’t your hair look orange at the moment’. I just smile and say, ‘well I like it’.

Apparently at 53 I'm "too old to go to rock concerts and nightclubbing"....by nightclubbing I'm guessing the indie night I go to every 3 months or so in a place about 200 miles away so stay for the weekend....knitting and horlicks for me on a saturday night it is then.....not!

I have a PhD, and I am well known in my industry as an expert (not bragging, but relevant). Oxbridge graduate.

It took me winning trivial pursuits one Xmas for my Mum to say “oh I didn’t realise you were quite clever”.
Okay, Mum. Thanks.

A couple of years ago I was staying with my parents for the weekend. I got ready to go out and I said to them "do you think this dress is okay - don't know if it's a bit ageing" to which my mum replied "Well, you're no spring chicken, are you?"

Another time I was going out and I asked my DS6 if he liked my dress. He looked me up and down and said "who do you think you are? Joan Collins?"

When I was stressing out about my exams, Mum said, 'well, it's not as if I expect you to set the world on fire'. . . thanks Mum!

You really need to buy bigger clothes (and, on another occasion, where has my beautiful daughter gone? You have really let yourself go).

Apparently, anyone who is not slim and blonde is unattractive to the opposite sex. I beg to differ... 😉

I arrived downstairs with a new colourful jumper on.

Mother: “where are you going in that?”
Me: “to the cinema”.
Mother: “oh ok, it’ll be dark there”

Christmas Day I come down in my new dress - my mum - oh that’s different, very mumsy! Just the look I was going for thanks mum

After telling me about the lady-up-the-road’s high-flying daughter’s latest success,
‘Do you think I should have pushed you harder at school?

Someone once said to me as a 16 year old that I was very bright and mature for my age (overstatement but I am fairly academic without much effort) and my DSM replies before I could get a word in

"No she's average"

That really stuck with me.

My gran was terrible for comments on my weight too thin (bulimia) or too fat she always had something to say:

I love(d) them both dearly but they stung sometimes.

When my DH went to Uni as a mature student, MiL said to him, 'Oh...I do wish you could...you know...sort yourself out more.'

A few years ago I reached my highest ever weight (not colossal - I was a size 12!) around the same time DH proposed. Mum said “you’ll want to lose weight before we go dress shopping, of course”. I went on a massive health kick and reached my goal weight - was feeling really proud and energetic - and she said my new smaller body made my head look too big and I looked like a lollipop

My mother told me (in front of my children) that it's such a shame, I could have really made something of myself.
I feel that I've already made myself into a better person than she will ever be.

Mother: “where are you going in that?”
Me: “to the cinema”.
Mother: “oh ok, it’ll be dark there"

Sorry TheCats that was mean of your Mum, but it did make me snigger.

“You’re so lucky to be so chubby, it really stops you looking wrinkled. “ was one of my mother’s favourites. Cow she was.

All mine are weight related. She has her own issues and I got regular comments about it... ironically, until I actually became overweight, since then she's not said a word.

Eurgh.

Another gem;-

A family friend saw me running down the road for the bus, and sweetly said ‘like a gazelle, with those long legs’ (total lies ). My Mum scoffed and said ‘Daddy long legs, more like’.

My mother had a good line in these sort of phrases too. I was going out to a Christmas party a few years ago whilst she was staying with us. I came down and she said “let’s have a look at what you’re wearing then”. I walked into the sitting room and she looked me up and down and said “well I suppose your hair is quite nice”. My (brilliant) late teen children were in the room and immediately laughed at her and said I looked lovely, and DS said “is that really the nicest thing you can say grandma?”

She also gave me a top once that she had bought for herself. She said she bought the wrong size and it was massive, so she thought it would do me. Thanks. I put it in a charity bag on principle.

She could cut with a knife, and although we laugh about it as a family, it did contribute to my pretty rubbish self esteem.

Oh and it's my dad but same sort of thing. Always has put my career down. Most recent when I got promoted: 'Excellent. That's almost a proper salary'.

Wearing a dress I bought for Christmas Day 5 weeks after giving birth to DC and therefore having large BF’ing boobs - I didn’t try it on in the store either, stupidly.

Me - I think I might go and put a top on underneath this dress, it’s a bit revealing, isn’t it?
Mother - Revealing? You wouldn’t look out of place in a porno.
SIL -

Mine didn't go in for subtlety - it was fairly direct "You're fat, ugly and shit and I'm ashamed of you". Which did at least have the benefit of being easily understandable.

I was embarrassingly old before I realised (with a slight feeling of shock) that the other new mums around me did actually love and value their girl babies as much as I loved and valued my boy baby, and didn't view them as useless future embarrassments. Shook me a bit to realise that that had been my default assumption in the first place.

“Are you going to go and get changed out of your pyjamas before we go out for lunch?”

Reader, I was changed. 🤦‍♀️

My mother on a random day, "of course you have no excuse to be fat you're not big boned" I'm a 14/16 and we were not discussing my appearance at the time.

‘Oh it’s a good job you’ve such a gorgeous smile, people don’t notice that you’ve put on quite so much weight’ - about a stone, I’m still only a small 12
‘It must be nice to go out with Laura (not real name) because she’s so beautiful, she draws the attention but she’s not achievable so then men go for you instead’
‘You’re just a very attainable sort of pretty’ - seeing a pattern here
‘It’s completely normal to be a little chunkier now, you’re just comfortable and that’s okay!’
‘Of course your sisters are much more eye catching but you’re so funny ‘
‘Well yes, DSis1 and DSis2 have model figures but that dress is so flattering on you... and clearly DH likes a curvier girl’ - that one was on my wedding day

We have a strained relationship at the best of times.

Norm DH and I say that to one another when either of us have made a special effort with our appearance.

Oh Contessa. That’s awful, and the way you’ve described your love for your son makes me pretty certain you’re very special x