Monica’s Mother from Friends-esque comments...

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

I’ve been re-watching Friends and very aware that Monica’s Mother is incredibly similar to my own...

So I’m asking for those shit comments you get, that make your hackles rise and really make you want to flick said person in the middle of the forehead

My favourite recent one -
Just had my hair coloured a lovely shiny copper. Had lots of compliments and I’m very happy with it.
My mother opens the door to me, looks quizzically at my hair and says ‘Gosh, doesn’t your hair look orange at the moment’. I just smile and say, ‘well I like it’.

bold fail.

It was my gran who was like that,

Mum bought a new hat for cousins wedding and was told - 'thats a lovely hat really suits you but then anything looks grand on a plain Jane.

I had an italian boyfriend who happily visited her and we were getting fairly serious and she said - I like this one, always thought you'd make a good mafia wife.

then when I tried a dress on for my cousins wedding - you're not the prettiest of the grandaughters but then you do have good hips.

When I told my mother I was pregnant she said "oh. I thought you were the sensible one"
I was 31, engaged and living with now dh. We'd been together 5 years

"I wouldn't feel so bad about dying if I thought somebody loved you'

Oh I've got tons of these! (I do love my mum so much but she has no filter)

Best one was when we were sitting in her living room just after my brother and his wife had had their 2nd little girl.

I have a son and can't have anymore children.

I was saying how happy I was for my brother and sister in law, but a part of me was a bit jealous because I'll never have a daughter.

Her response was...
"Oh don't worry, girls are overated"

...urm, cheers mum!

Why why why do mothers do this??

I’m no contact with my but some of her corkers
I’ve never been bigger than a size 10 but every time I used to see her she had to make a comment on me putting on weight not subtle either “oh look at the size of your arse”
Told me DH would leave me if I earned more than him as men don’t like that.
On seeing the first photo of DD1 said she was awfully fat and ginger (she was neither)
Went to visit after handing in my final dissertation I was knackered the first thing she said was “oh your toenails could do with a cut”
Moved into my first rented flat and I was excited and said oh we’ve got a tumble dryer “at least I own mine”
“Said she was going to tell everyone DD2 was a mistake”
She was jealous that I had bigger boobs than her, they are not massive by any imagination but in my teens she found a bra and would believe it was mine then she said they would get really saggy like my Granny’s
“DH would leave me if I couldn’t give him a son as all men want a son”

I’m NC now

wow, some of these are vicious!

My mum's great, but she does come out with things like:
"Don't bother plucking out the white hairs, there's tonnes at the back - you'll have no hair left!"

Does she know that or really thinks you are getting your nails done for 110K?

She doesn’t know my exact salary, but knows I’m very senior in a huge company. If I earned £1,000 or £1,000,000 it wouldn’t matter to her because only men make actual money.

She was whittling on incessantly about my male cousin once and how “he has a great job and takes home about £600 a week”. I got irritated and pointed out that I earned more than twice that and she kind of patted my arm and said “of course you do dear”.

My husband earns the same as I do and he’s revered for a) earning so well (though she has no idea what he earns, it’s just assumed it’s absolutely loads because he has a penis) and b) putting up with me.

It’s also a dig at women who bother themselves with such things as manicures and eyebrow shaping. I always have my nails manicures and it’s met with “isn’t it great now that women make time to get their hair and nails done? When I was young, we never had time for things like that because we were too busy looking after our own children and making sure our husbands were looked after”.

She loves me really, but we have very, very different outlooks.

Not an evil comment but yes my PILs also believe only men make money. DH once mentioned I got a nice bonus, more money than he has ever seen. 'What, more than you got!?!' asked PILS. I make about 3-4 times DHs salary..

My favourite was when she asked me if other people like my new hair colour and when I told her yes she did a head tilt and told me they were lying to me.

To be honest we rub along great because I am so hard to offend, I take very little personally and just laugh at her. Apparently as a teenager my brothers got together to tell her to stop going on about my weight as they were worried I would get a complex and an eating disorder but I don’t really remember her talking about my weight: water off a ducks back.

Mine could be quite...tart in her comments. Used to call me a slut when I was about 12 (but I think she meant it in the way of slovenly, untidy rather than sleeping around - I didn't even have a boyfriend until I was 19!).

Anyway, I left home and took up exercise (not on the same day you understand), and she always used to remark 'what do you want to keep running/doing those aerobics for?' as though it was outlandish.

Well, mother, because I want to be able to bend down when I'm sixty, not have to have someone to tie my shoelaces for me, thank you.

I've come to recognise that my mother is a narcissist. On antidepressants at 16, "you're not really depressed though". After a suicide attempt "you idiot, don't you realise how stupid that is". About self harm as a teenager "what will you do when a boy sees you naked and sees your scars?"

Recommended book: "Will I ever be good enough?" By Karyl McBride. Great book for daughters of narcissistic mothers if you've not already read it

All dresses up for a very posh day out - lovely tailored jumpsuit and matching hat. Mum walked into the room saw me an laughed

My mum was talking about my wedding day and said 'I saw Ghast walking down the aisle and she looked so slim, I thought that can't be my daughter'...er thanks?

And on discussing on line dating with my dad he turned to me and said 'well face facts, you're not the biggest catch out there are you?'

I know it’s supposed to be mums but it’s my dad who has form this sort of thing. Like the time (after a hypothetical question was asked) he told us kids he’d let us drown if it came to saving our mum (who can swim) or us kids, because he picked mum to spend his life with and he can have more children if he needs to.

Or the time I left my abusive ex and he told me that he hoped I knew what I was doing because, as a single mum the only people who would want me anymore were perverts and paedos after my kids. He’s a delight 🙄

Just remembered this one. After my narc ex husband left me for another woman, cleared out the joint bank account and embarked on a hate campaign against me she said " I don't think you were cut out for marriage." Hmm

My lovely (large) friend had a terrible, tiny, chain smoking alcoholic mother. DM suffered a major health setback. Friend spent money she didn't have in order to make the 12 hour flight back. Sat by DM's bedside, night and day, for nearly a week. Mom finally opens one eye and says: "You're too fat!" The nurse, shocked, says "Oh Mrs X, you mustn't talk to your daughter like that!" and DM says: "You're too fat too!"

There are probably too many to count but some of the most memorable were

You're not clever you're just practical (when trying to work out what to take at O' levels).

Forgot completely that I was getting my O' level results. DF was at work until late and asked how I'd done as soon as he came home, her response was 'oh was that today'.

As a size 8/10 and 17 years old (extremely toned and sporty) that my thighs were as big as hers with a gloating tone of voice (they weren't she was an 18/20 at the time).

On my wedding day woke me up with the words 'it's raining and the waters off' and stomped out of my room. Also on my wedding day I was a slim size 8 she said 'look how lovely and slim your sister looks in her dress'. She'd made her a special dress for her to change into despite me saying I wanted all the bridesmaids to stay in their dresses all day. Hadn't bothered to tell me I looked nice.

When my ExMIl said what do you think about being a grandma when exH and I announced I was pregnant with my eldest 'no one asked me if I wanted to be a grandma'

No wonder I ended up marrying a narcissist!

Yesterday I got my hair cut. It's a noticeably different style and I was feeling great. Saw my mum in the morning with hair just hanging there with no shape and then later the same afternoon when it was noticeably shorter, layered and shaped. She said nothing about it but kept going on about my sister's new glasses (which she's had since January and mum has seen a thousand times), so I cheekily asked if she had noticed my new haircut to which she sighed, squinted at me and said "No. To be honest, I didn't notice anything different, but then when I look at you all I see is fat and you can't dress that up with a haircut"

Sporting that is awful. What on earth did you say to that?

42 years of experience tells em there is nothing I can say in these circumstances other than grin and bear it, try not to look visibly upset in front of her and then fume and post on MN later.

My sister had lost a lot of weight so was a lot thinner in the face, according to mum looked 'haggard', we don't let her forget that one.

If I was going out in something that didn't really suit, I got a raised eyebrow. Or 'does my bum look big in this' got a "well...." and the eyebrow.

Just this weekend she said I saw some pictures of you at the beach, your boobs have disappeared! (Tbf, they have after breastfeeding, gone down to c instead of dd)

The woman does not mince her words, but she does also compliment us and I know she loves us very much.

Sporting that is awful. Have you ever replied "to be honest, all I see when I look at you is a shit mother".
Or tell us where she lives and we'll go round to have a chat