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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by smug boyfriend comments?

107 replies

OrlaithLaw · 26/08/2019 09:36

Last break up I was cheated on and left, around the same time best friend got with her new boyfriend.

It’s been 6/7 months now and I just get comments all the time of -

  • All his friends are saying he’s whipped
  • All his friends are saying they’ve never seen him this way before
  • His sister introduced me as the future SIL.
  • He said that his friends are OUR friends
  • Constantly showing me and telling me about the bruises from their amazing sex life

I want to feel happy for her ... but it’s hard when it’s being shoved in my face.

Aibu and a horrible friend to feel like this?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 26/08/2019 09:40

YAB a bit U. If you were recently broken up it would be more understandable, but it's been more than half a year. What are you doing to get yourself out there and get over your last relationship? Focussing on that will be much healthier than storing up resentment over your friends relationship.

formerbabe · 26/08/2019 09:41

Doesn't sound like anything to be jealous about..sounds very much like an abusive relationship to me. Love bombing, intense and controlling with a sil getting in your business...shudder...oh and, bruises from sex? Wtf. The whole thing sounds fucking terrifying.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 26/08/2019 09:41

Sorry... bruises?! I’m pretty open minded but come on now.
Seriously tho, yes you are being unreasonable. You can’t expect everyone to remain single while you are and stick a lid on their happiness because it might bother you.
Altho, reading back, I’m a little confused, why would you be referred to as the future SIL?

CherryPavlova · 26/08/2019 09:42

You sound very young so get yourself out and meet someone lovely who doesn’t cheat on you.

Mxyzptlk · 26/08/2019 09:46

If ask her if she's really happy about a sex life that gives her bruises.

In any case, surely there are other things she can talk to you about?

If 'fantastic' bf is her only topic of chat, no wonder you're hacked off.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/08/2019 09:46

Does she know that sex isn’t supposed to give you bruises?

Cloudyyy · 26/08/2019 09:47

She sounds full of excitement at being in a new relationship. I’m not sure I can see a connection between your friend being in a loved-up bubble and you not being in one currently?! Can you not be happy for her? Just remember that celebrating others’ good times doesn’t stop us from having our own. Be good to your friend, rejoice, giggle and share in the joy with her. When it is your time, hopefully she will do the same for you. Life is so much better when you can find happiness in other people’s goof fortune as well as your own. I hope it happens for you very soon.

Original poster
OrlaithLaw · 26/08/2019 09:49

I don’t expect anyone to be single - that really wasn’t my point.

My point is my friend saw what a shit time I went through and how much my confidence was knocked to nothing. It would just be nice if I didn’t have to have the comments said all the time,

It’s like if you got a promotion and a lot more money. If your friend had been made redundant and struggling you would still tell them about the promotion and the job .... but you wouldn’t be forever listing all the new things you are buying.

OP posts:
NotSureAtAllReally · 26/08/2019 09:49

The bruising bit is just fucked up. If this is true then seriously op give your head a little wobble.

Original poster
OrlaithLaw · 26/08/2019 09:51

Be good to your friend, rejoice, giggle and share in the joy with her.

I do all those things.

It still hurts though, but I hide that part well.

OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 26/08/2019 09:53

YANBU - bragging in general is annoying and it does sound like bragging to me, and I think you can always sense a clear difference between someone bragging or them just sharing their happiness. I had a great relationship with my DH, his family and friends right from the beginning but didn’t see that as a big deal and something to talk to everybody about. Did she have a bad relationship before to make all this stuff seem so noteworthy? In my experience though, people who brag actually have quite low self-esteem and are compensating for something - I wouldn’t count on it all being as great as she says.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 26/08/2019 09:54

In the nicest possible way, it’s been 6-7 months, not 6 weeks. I can understand why she wouldn’t want to still have a lid on how happy she is even now.
That’s friendship really. They commiserate and celebrate with you.
I had a miscarriage in May 2018, and it broke my heart. My best friend told me she was pregnant in July 2018, she was over the moon and while it prickled at how I was still feeling, I was happy for her. That’s kind of how it works. I recognised that any negativity I was feeling around her pregnancy wasn’t her fault nor could I project that onto our friendship or expect her to keep silent about something which made her so happy. She still talked to me about how I felt but her pregnancy, naturally, was a very important event for her and as such, took over a lot of conversation.

Lockheart · 26/08/2019 09:55

To be fair the bruising could just be something like falling off the bed from a little too much overenthusiasm (I speak from experience Blush ) there's no need to label her relationship as abusive JUST yet.

Ponoka7 · 26/08/2019 09:55

You can regret not having what someone else has got, but, as said, you should be able to share in their happiness.

Otherwise you become bitter and emotionally detached from family/friends.

You don't know how it's going to go for your friend, or yourself, so just find happiness whenever you can.

Ponoka7 · 26/08/2019 10:05

"I had a great relationship with my DH, his family and friends right from the beginning but didn’t see that as a big deal and something to talk to everybody about"

She isn't talking to everyone, just her best friend.

ilikethisusernamethemost · 26/08/2019 10:05

I don't think you are BU. If someone was shoving something like this down my throat every time I saw them then I think it would grate on me too. I think she's being a bit insensitive. It's not as though you're in the same boat and exchanging similar comments.

(The bruises comment is strange though! I wouldn't be envious about that).

Pomegranateseeds · 26/08/2019 10:13

Come on, occasional bruises from sex are fine..! Some people bruise more easily than others.
Friend sounds like a normal (though v young) honeymoon period girlfriend. I would just listen a but and then lightheartedly say “ok...let’s talk about something other than the romance of the century!”
She could be a little more sensitive but honestly easy to forget to be sensitive when you’re in love in the early days!

Kaykay06 · 26/08/2019 10:16

Your friend sounds like a twat
As does her boyfriend
Ignore them. Or be friends with someone more mature. It’s nice to be happy but rubbing it in someone else’s face is a bit pathetic.

NameChange84 · 26/08/2019 10:16

Jesus, are constant bruises from sex something we should aspire to in a relationship?!

In that case, I’m very grateful I’m single.

Jellybeansincognito · 26/08/2019 10:18

I agree with @formerbabe

What the fuck?

HariboForBreakfast · 26/08/2019 10:19

Bruises? Nope but I've definitely had a few carpet burns before Blush

lovemenorca · 26/08/2019 10:20

Surely there must be some kind of teen forum for you? Because you can’t possibly be more than 16 years old?

milliefiori · 26/08/2019 10:21

Honestly, I think your attitude is not healthy. When we are down, seeing people living the kind of life we want can either inspire us or make us jealous. Personally I'd find that non-stop gushing very dull but be glad for her. Get out and find a wider circle of friends who have more interesting conversation.

bluebeck · 26/08/2019 10:21

It's been quite a while. Have you thought about counselling to help you through this? Most people would be over it by now so something is stopping you from fully moving on.

Stop thinking about your friend and start thinking about your life, your future, and what you are going to do to make yourself happy. That may or may not involve another romantic relationship right now. Flowers

Dippypippy1980 · 26/08/2019 10:22

If he is actually saying this The boyfriend sounds really immature. It would put me off totally.

Play acting - trying to force a really close relationship.

Odd

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