Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by smug boyfriend comments?

107 replies

OrlaithLaw · 26/08/2019 09:36

Last break up I was cheated on and left, around the same time best friend got with her new boyfriend.

It’s been 6/7 months now and I just get comments all the time of -

  • All his friends are saying he’s whipped
  • All his friends are saying they’ve never seen him this way before
  • His sister introduced me as the future SIL.
  • He said that his friends are OUR friends
  • Constantly showing me and telling me about the bruises from their amazing sex life

I want to feel happy for her ... but it’s hard when it’s being shoved in my face.

Aibu and a horrible friend to feel like this?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/08/2019 10:23

Bruises aside (because that's possibly a whole thread on its own)

I wouldn't expect a friend not to share those things due to a break up that happened over half a year ago, so I think YABU.

chamenanged · 26/08/2019 10:25

I would just listen a but and then lightheartedly say “ok...let’s talk about something other than the romance of the century!”

Absolutely do not do that! Christ. Just try to change the subject naturally if you need to. But I'd be happy for her - that period in a relationship is a bit all consuming and it doesn't last forever.

Rachelover40 · 26/08/2019 10:27

Whipped and bruised? Charming - not.

Your friend is tactless and also gives TMI.

However please try to find some help in getting over your relationship, that's more important than your friend talking inappropriately.
Flowers

Wafflecopter · 26/08/2019 10:29

It’s still all shiny and new for her so I can see why she may be gushing.
However if you’re getting fed up with it, and are as close as you say you are, maybe just ask her to tone it down?
‘Ok, ok BF I get it, he’s brilliant and I’m happy for you, but can we have a break from the lovey dovey chit chat for a bit?’
Sometimes people need a bit of a reality check as to how much they’re going on and on about something.

dollydaydream114 · 26/08/2019 10:31

The bruises thing is certainly too much info but YABU about everything else. I do realise it’s hard, but seven months after your breakup you really need to understand that other people can’t always modify their conversation or keep things from you because you had a bad relationship. Don’t become that person who is bitter about other people’s happiness.

I had a horrible breakup three weeks before my brother’s wedding. I had to deal with it and be happy for him and his wife. I didn’t expect anyone not to talk about their own happy relationships just because my ex had cheated on me.

SuperSara · 26/08/2019 10:37

I would imagine OP is a young teen, going by the language used.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/08/2019 10:40

Constantly showing me and telling me about the bruises from their amazing sex life

Maybe it's because I'm nearly 50, but this just makes me sad. It's not something I'd ever have heard from a friend when I was younger.

Constant bruising on her body and she thinks it's because she has an amazing sex life... I bet he doesn't have any bruising.

MashedSpud · 26/08/2019 10:40

I’m guessing the bruises are “choke me daddy” bruises.....

When porn normalises abuse. 🙄

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2019 10:41

Other than using the word 'whipped', which wasn't the OP's phrase anyway, what language has she used that suggests she's a young teen?

VikVal · 26/08/2019 10:44

That sounds like a shit relationship and wtf bruises from sex? Seriously, wtf?

chamenanged · 26/08/2019 10:46

I would imagine OP is a young teen, going by the language used.

No you wouldn't, you're just trying to be mean.

NameChange84 · 26/08/2019 10:47

@MashedSpud Yep and no doubt there will be a bunch of MNers coming along any minute to bandy around phrases such as “pearl clutchers”, “prudes” and “vanilla” to those of us who prefer not to have a healthy dose of domestic violence with our sex 🙄.

If the OP is a teen, then this is only makes it sadder.

Toneitdown · 26/08/2019 10:52

- Constantly showing me and telling me about the bruises from their amazing sex life

I was thinking you were being unfair until I read this. Wtf? I remember people in my college doing this when they were trying to prove that they weren't virgins. It's cringey as fuck.

Tell her you don't want to hear about her sex life. I really don't think that's unreasonable.

The other stuff is just her being a bit immature and overexcited. I'd just smile and nod and let it go.

NoBaggyPants · 26/08/2019 10:53

Apparently whipped means:

To be totally controlled and dominated by your girlfriend to the point of being completely distracted, ditching your friends, and/ or doing anything and everything she says.

And some people bruise more easily than others. Without more information I would not be suggesting abuse and domestic violence!

BanginChoons · 26/08/2019 10:55

There's so much more to life than being in a relationship.
Look for things that fulfil you as an individual. You will get more enjoyment from your life that way.

NoTheresa · 26/08/2019 10:57

Whipped? Wow. Who knew...Hmm

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2019 11:01

Whipped is not a new phrase. It's been around for years.

Biancadelrioisback · 26/08/2019 11:01

Erm, I get bruises from sex. I bruise very easily so any kind of bump leaves a bruise eg a knock into a door handle, bumping my shin on the edge of the bed, knocking my arm into the bedside table.
My best friend and I happily discuss our sex lives, especially when starting out in a new relationship.
If you're not happy with the conversation, tell her.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/08/2019 11:01

YANBU. IMO your friend is being very insensitive. Who cares if it's been 6-7 months - if you are still upset or a bit low about being single then that's how you feel. And having a so-called friend go on about her love life is insensitive to your feelings.

I hope you have some other friends to hang out with until you feel able to cope with her boring conversation Smile.

Biancadelrioisback · 26/08/2019 11:02

Also whipped has been used to mean this for at least 20 years or so...

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 11:03

Wow. Some people are really going for Olympic gold in the long jump here.

Jux · 26/08/2019 11:03

"choke me daddy" during sex??

That's horrific in so many ways.

Pinkblueberry · 26/08/2019 11:04

All his friends are saying he’s whipped
All his friends are saying they’ve never seen him this way before

Pretty sure when lads say this it’s not really a good thing - their friend has changed and isn’t as fun anymore and their taking the piss out of him and making digs at him for it. So I’m not convinced by the ‘his friends are our friends’ trope. It’s all a bit try hard, the SIL thing too - I don’t think it’s all as rosy as she wants to make it out. I don’t think OP sounds particularly jealous, I think even if she was in a great relationship all this bragging would still be irritating - especially after over half a year...

formerbabe · 26/08/2019 11:04

I presumed that everyone knew whipped meant controlled rather than actually whipped.

Anyway, it sounds quite unhealthy. I'm always very suspicious and dubious about relationships which start off intense like that.

How sad that nowadays women are actually jealous of their friends being bruised during sex. Grim as fuck and not normal at all.

Lockheart · 26/08/2019 11:11

@NameChange84 no, but we have no indication that there is definitely abuse. We have a single second hand anecdote (and in my experience someone "constantly" saying something can mean they've mentioned it anything from one to one thousand times). And you can get bruises quite easily and accidentally during sex!

I'm not saying he isn't hitting her, I'm just saying there's no point jumping to conclusions based on such flimsy information.