To feel hurt by smug boyfriend comments?

[OrlaithLaw]

Last break up I was cheated on and left, around the same time best friend got with her new boyfriend.

It’s been 6/7 months now and I just get comments all the time of -

• All his friends are saying he’s whipped
• All his friends are saying they’ve never seen him this way before
• His sister introduced me as the future SIL.
• He said that his friends are OUR friends
• Constantly showing me and telling me about the bruises from their amazing sex life

I want to feel happy for her ... but it’s hard when it’s being shoved in my face.

Aibu and a horrible friend to feel like this?

"choke me daddy" during sex??

That's horrific in so many ways.

It is but on the other hand, many adults who wouldn't dream of saying/doing that simply like rough-ish sex and some bruise more easily than others.

That's why I think the bruises thing is possibly a whole different thread unless the OP wants to expand on this particular case.

Lockheart put it better than me.

Did you gush about your boyfriend when you had him? Or is it out of the ordinary to share so much?

Don't be so self absorbed she's just loving her life jealousy is ugly.

Although the sex bruise thing is too. Play her at her own game for ejemplo:
If she says me and whipped guy had the best sex all night, you be like well I was out Til 6am living my best life off my tits in some great gay bar.

You embrace being single like she clearly loves being in a relationship.

But not for show. Good god please go out and live ur best life while you can because Although I adore my life I feel like I am chained to a cot every night come 10. You go live it for people who wish they had embraced the single times more.

Be strong and independent make better friendships and really love these times while you can. While your out doing you, you will often find that things come your way. Great opportunities, great loves. Grab life by the lady balls!!!

The bruises bit is kind of weird but other than that I think YABU, she's your friend and she's telling you about her life, it's been a long enough time since you split with your b/f

I'd honestly be more concerned about what you see as boasting about having her new boyfriend 'whipped' - as in totally under her thumb. That's not healthy!

I'd also be concerned about her need to overshare details of her sex life. Fine to say they are enjoying themselves but to be showing off bruises, etc? It would make me think she had a very immature view on relationships.

But what I would not be concerned about would be her sharing her pleasure at this relationship because I'd had a shitty time in one of mine.

Should have said this in the OP but the whipped comments, friends saying how different he is etc has been said to me multiple times ... one off I wouldn’t have registered. What do you say when you’re told it for the 5th/6th time?

The bruises are more like, she’ll wear a dress that shows off her legs and point out a bruise and I’ll ask what happened and she’ll smile and say “John did it” ... last time this happened she then went on to explain a 4 fingered bruise to me.

As a side note I don’t think victims of domestic violence wear their bruises like trophies and show them off. So I think for people on this thread to make out like she is a victim does a disservice to real victims.

I’m not bitter, I just wish she would be a bit more sensitive. She’s not just some random person, we talk pretty much every day and see each other at least once week and have just been on holiday together.

I am happy for her in terms of her being in a relationship just wish the smugness and bragging wasn’t so much.

How sad that nowadays women are actually jealous of their friends being bruised during sex. Grim as fuck and not normal at all.

I’m not jealous of bruises

I just find it bizarre to show off to anyone bruises caused by sex. So I’m unsure why she feels the need to do it.

Also the phase whipped has been around for years...

I remember a friends episode where Chandler couldn’t do the whipped noise and that would be 20 years ago now.

Didn’t realise people would assume I meant someone was being physically whipped

I’m not bitter, I just wish she would be a bit more sensitive. She’s not just some random person, we talk pretty much every day and see each other at least once week and have just been on holiday together.

At what point is it ok to not be 'sensitive' to your relationship break up, given that it happened over half a year ago?

This is what I don't understand. Surely the onus is on you to deal with your problem?

This is not a new breakup by any stretch of the imagination.

I’m not jealous of bruises

But you're moaning about her discussing her relationship, because your relationship didn't work out and you feel it's insensitive of her, which kind of indicates you are jealous

I’m not bitter, I just wish she would be a bit more sensitive. She’s not just some random person, we talk pretty much every day and see each other at least once week and have just been on holiday together.

At what point is it ok to not be 'sensitive' to your relationship break up, given that it happened over half a year ago?

This is what I don't understand. Surely the onus is on you to deal with your problem?

This is not a new breakup by any stretch of the imagination.

I wrote out a really long response and then changed my mind because whatever I say it’s a lose lose situation.

I shouldn’t have posted because all people get is a snippet of a situation and will never be able to understand fully as they aren’t me or her.

The bruises are more like, she’ll wear a dress that shows off her legs and point out a bruise and I’ll ask what happened and she’ll smile and say “John did it” ... last time this happened she then went on to explain a 4 fingered bruise to me.

I find that so disturbing.

But you're moaning about her discussing her relationship, because your relationship didn't work out and you feel it's insensitive of her, which kind of indicates you are jealous hmm

There discussing and then there’s bragging.

I don’t want to see sex bruises or hear how big his dick is that she struggles to walk it’s oversharing

Some kinds of sex might leave bruises. And some people even like it.

As long as it's all consensual, it's fine.

The phrase is “pussy whipped”. It’s just a more vulgar way of saying under the thumb.

OP, in the gentlest way, I think you need to detach from this friendship for a while and get some counselling for your issues around your break-up. Once you’ve done that, you can put it behind you and move on.

Your friend is being abused. “Four finger bruises” are not a normal part of consensual sex, and I’d hate to think that young women were being told that they are.

I shouldn’t have posted because all people get is a snippet of a situation and will never be able to understand fully as they aren’t me or her.

Fair enough but still, have you thought about some sort of counselling to help you deal with your feelings?

What would happen if she got pregnant? Would she not be able to talk excitedly about that either?

Or if she gets engaged or moves in with him?

You need to get over it. It’s been months- people are allowed to be happy

Your friend is being abused. “Four finger bruises” are not a normal part of consensual sex, and I’d hate to think that young women were being told that they are.

It's not for you or anyone else to tell a young woman what is 'normal' in her chosen sex life.

As long as she is actually choosing it and enjoying it (and we have no reason so far to believe she isn't), that's a horribly judgmental thing to say.

6 months since a breakup that involved being betrayed, not just drifting apart.

I think the op is allowed to be processing and grieving for longer than 6 months without being told to get over herself and go for counselling. Bloody hell. Have some compassion.

I wouldn't want to be hearing this kind of stuff from someone, least of all on a repeated basis, and I wasn't betrayed by someone I loved and trusted 6 months ago.

There discussing and then there’s bragging

Being bruised during sex isn't anything to brag about. Bragging implies you're lucky and others should be jealous.

I'd pity someone who was repeatedly bruised during sex. I appreciate that makes me very old fashioned these days.

As long as she is actually choosing it and enjoying it (and we have no reason so far to believe she isn't), that's a horribly judgmental thing to say

So, what had suddenly made so many young women nowadays appear to want this type of rough sex?!

I don’t want to see sex bruises or hear how big his dick is that she struggles to walk. It's oversharing

Tell her that, then.

"Ok Karen that's TMI. I don't want to hear about your sex life".

If you're close enough to talk all the time and go on holiday together, why can't you just laugh and say that?

People who are genuinely into that kind of sex don't push it in your face. Shes very immature and playing games.