To ask for your cringey wedding stories?

[thedysontree]

Was at the wedding of my sister's best friend yesterday. The bride sang "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", as she was walking down the aisle. She's a lovely woman but christ she cannot sing (though I think it would have been cringe even if she was Adele). The husband didn't know she was going to sing and seemed very taken aback by her it.

There was also a wedding a few years ago where the couple had their 4 year old stand next to the vicar and try and read out their vows for them. Being 4, he struggled and everybody was waiting awkwardly while the vicar was trying to help him pronounce words.

So, am I being unreasonable to ask for your cringe wedding stories?

At a recent wedding I felt terrible for the bride when, having asked her sister who is a professional photographer to take the photos, got her clearly bored and uninterested sister taking a few shots on an iPhone. She then promptly left, on a flimsy excuse but really to see the man she is having an affair with

My cousin got married some time ago and she and her husband had selected "Wedding Vows A" from the County Council package they give out. My eyes were streaming with laughter at the yukkiness of it.

I did go to a Live Re-Enactmemt Themed wedding where you declared clans and what weapons you'd be bringing!

At one wedding party ahead-of-ceremony the groom's family conducted a staged and choreographed narration of how the bride and groom met, and got engaged. Then the bride and groom
revealed there would be no ceremony as they had actually tied the knot on their pre-wedding moon in Sri Lanka three weeks before. You can imagine how that went down!

My sister was 8 months pregnant at my wedding & was my matron of honour. I got married at my parents house because of that - she didn’t want to waddle down the aisle of a church & that was fine.
At the reception my brother in law invited his lover/girlfriend he was CHEATING WITH and my former boyfriend whom I DID NOT INVITE to be her date/escort. To say I was beyond furious doesn’t come close to how angry I was. It ruined the celebration.
They made fools of themselves and humiliated my sister & our family.
IT WAS A S—TSHOW!!!
I’ve never forgiven that slut who my BIL finally married after he left my sister for - I never forgave him either.
What -ssholes.

• The one where the groom spent most of his speech slagging off his ex-wife, and at one point mentioned how he had 'had to' rip their home phone off the wall and smash it to stop her calling her friends all the time (days before mobiles and they travelled with his work a lot). So that was nice.
• The one where the best man's speech told (quite tame) tales about the stag weekend and how well they'd all got on with the Bride's male family and friends- clearly having forgotten that the groom had told his dad and brothers that they weren't having a stag do as he didn't want them there. Groom's father shouted words to the effect of 'no stag then you lying twat' and half the guests walked out.
• The one where the bride made a speech having a go at 95% of the guests. The wedding had been abroad and there was a reception party a few weeks later one evening in a room at a pub. Invitations stated 'from 7pm' and no mention of anything formal etc. Other than very close family (who had been at the wedding as well) almost everyone arrived just after 7, to be greeted by the bride at the door in full wedding dress with a face like thunder. Apparently the bridal party had arrived at dead on 7 in wedding cars and ready to recreate the walk down the aisle by walking through 2 lines of guests (who were not there). This was to be a surprise for us all.
• Not 1 but 2 weddings where the evening disco was (at the couple's request) nothing but hard core dance music. At each one about 6 friends who were in to that too danced for a bit, and a few well meaning older women gave it a try before the entire dance floor was abandoned.

My wedding to exh was extra cringey for me. My best friend had to be best man cos noone else would, so spent the whole speech talking about pre, (now) exh anecdotes. They made us sing Sonny and Cher on karaoke and I was stone cold sober due to hiding pregnancy (for no reason other than it being early days).
The WORST was groom and I planned to recognise and give flowers to our mums because they were so helpful and had both lost their husbands. As I gave out the flowers, groom gave a big long speech about how wonderful my mum was, the opportunities she had given him and the time she had for our family etc etc, get to his mum and he says "And mum.. Thanks........."
Wanted ground to swallow me up. Accurate though, think all that lady did was give birth.

Wedding of the ‘scapegoat’ eldest son of a totally toxic enmeshed family.

The whole of the groom’s side of the family sitting around a table at the reception loudly talking about ‘what a shame’ the son had chosen the bride for his wife and that she was a gold digger.

All within earshot of the bride’s family and friends - who had flown from their homes in Japan - so they assumed they didn’t understand.

The ‘shame’ of course, was pure racism as they wanted a white British DIL.

The irony was the son was a bit of a loser who, despite a vey expensive education, could only manage to keep a job labouring for his Mum’s boyfriend.

He lived in a tiny cramped flat and was deeply in debt.

Admittedly his Mum had inherited millions from her Dad but if his lovely bride was marrying for that money, she was playing a very long game as they are likely to inherit in their 70s.

Felt v sorry for the bride as she ended totally isolated in the arse end of nowhere.

Her main company was her Golden Child Narc SIL and Narc MIL who were always aiming pointed racist jibes at her and commenting how ‘strange’ it was she hadn’t applied for UK citizenship.

One of the last times I saw the SIL she was complaining that is was ‘disgusting’ that an East European couple had an emergency C Section so she had to wait a couple of hours for hers.

Despite the fact her own Mother had never paid a penny in NI or Income Tax due to having lived off trust funds literally her whole life.

Disgusting indeed.

In my ex husbands wedding speech he thanked everyone under the sun, including the woman who we paid to make the cake and the bar staff, but didn’t mention me at all. Funny that it didn’t last.

I was bridesmaid for a good friend who was marrying someone less than six months after splitting with a long term boyfriend. If her dad called her new husband by the ex boyfriend's name once he said it 20 times! I nearly chocked every time and slowly slid down my chair at the top table. My DH was there and was cracking up at me being bright red with embarrassment. Luckily the bride found it funny but I still blush thinking about it.

Lololove I think I may have been at that wedding. Was it in Yorkshire by any chance...?

And many more cringeworthy episodes:

There was the Las Vegas wedding with an Elvis impersonator officiating. After every couple of vows he did a song, and the bride & groom had to dance in the aisle.

There was the best man's speech that opened with a joke about having sex with the Queen Mother and went downhill from there. Both families were very conservative, and there were some very stony faces and nervous giggles at the end.

There was the Father-of-the-groom whose speech consisted of a poem he'd written, the last verse of which cheerfully announced to the whole assembly that the bride was pregnant. She and the groom had planned to announce that themselves after the honeymoon. Her face was like thunder.

I'm sure more will come to me...

@missbattenburg OMG!! I've been at a wedding where something similar was said.

The vicar said something along the lines of "the likelihood of being murdered by your husband is quite high!"

@linzbe no way!

Maybe it was the same wedding. Was it held Oop North?

A neighbour's sons wedding. Loads of his parents friends and neighbours had been asked for the evening (I know!) and arrived to find the main reception was still going on so we all had to wait in the large outer room where the bar was. Eventually they finished and tables were being moved for dancing, but no one left and no extras were added, so there was no room for the evening guests! At this point we were all having a good time anyway, so we all just stayed where we were and had our own separate party!! Not even sure if the bride and groom even graced us with their presence, wedding? What wedding!!

I was once a guest at a wedding at a lovely country hotel. While waiting in the hotel grounds for photos etc, the guests suddenly noticed that the sun was shining on a large opaque window in such a way that you could see everything inside. It was the bathroom window for the suite where the bridal party were touching up for the photos. We watched in embarrassment as the bride's mother hitched her skirt up, dropped her knickers, sat on the toilet then wiped her bum in an only slightly opaqued view .

I ran inside to the room to warn them all, so they could draw the blind. I wish I hadn't bothered as they appeared pissed off with me!

@missbattenburg the one I was at was on the south coast! Such odd things to say when performing a wedding in a church!!

A friend got married. She had 2 friends who are twins as bridesmaids.
The bestmans speech went like this-
“The bridesmaid look beautiful. I am living every bestmans dream, every mans fantasy. Two for the price of one. It’s going to be a fun night”

Bride entered, looking lovely. All going well until it comes to the first hymn. A few lines in the (tuneless) overly loud vicar shouts “No. Stop. Stop!....that’s not good enough. Now EVERYBODY sing..” the amount of shoulders shaking in the pews was hysterical.

A wedding in which the bride was very slim and beautiful, and the bridesmaid, her sister, was very much neither. Groom’s speech begins with “I’d like to thank the bridesmaid for making the bride look so very beautiful.” He clearly thought he was being hilarious, but his joke was met with tumbleweed and shocked faces. Everyone looked at the sister, who looked like she was about to cry. Poor girl.

Then the wedding of my lovely cousin, whose father made a speech which was 90% about his own career and 10% about how old his daughter was. Embarrassing.

These are nothing in comparison to one Dh went to though, in which the best man was physically removed by security on the instruction of the bride’s family, as his speech was so inappropriate. He had kept going after being told repeatedly to stop, and with the bride in floods of tears. Apparently his speech went viral on Youtube for 48 hours before it was removed.

Not a wedding I attended but the bride was the woman my husband had an affair with years ago. Came across some photos on social media. Identical dress to mine, used the same hairdresser, same makeup artist, same colour theme and bridesmaid dresses. I found it extremely comical.

My wedding...One of my cousins (a slightly portly mid -30s chap who's a bit exercise phobic) tried to take on DHs cousins who are both very fit Royal Marines in their early 20s. He'd had a bit too much to drink.

DH and I did a rehearsed dance, hopefully it wasn't too cringe, it wasn't a flashy show off number, we'd had a few lessons on how to dance properly (waltz etc) and our dance teacher had suggested a loose type of routine. Stopped us just standing there swaying like we would have done otherwise!

Distant family's wedding. Reception in a flat roof sports bar. Wedding buffet from Iceland and all still in Iceland bags/packaging. Nothing for the kids to drink except bright blue and red pops, the type that come in a sort of yoghurt pot and have a straw. DJ played songs like "My Neck, My Back lick my....." There was a slow burning family feud halfway through when the grooms family kept pushing the brides family out of the photos.

@linzbe - I am a little bit glad about that. It was an ex boyfriend's family wedding so might have been awkward to find out you were related to him

Even odder though that TWO vicars thought this was a reasonable thing to say when wedding two people...

Military wedding in the officer’s mess. Full of braying officers with swords with lots of “top bantz”. How tedious. It was ALL about the military. I was sitting next to one chap who went on and on and on about his various tours and action he had seen until I said that I was an ex military officer. Then he stopped trying to impress me and moved onto someone else.

Didn't attend this wedding obviously and you never know if these viral FB posts are genuine but the story in the papers recently about the groom with the grubby hands made me. This picture is GRIM.

Those nails

There’s always that ridiculously low-cut wedding dress on those terrible ‘viral wedding dress’ photos and I always wonder whether it’s real or photoshopped

At an evening do many years ago, the very drunken groom took the microphone to give the traditional speech in front of the gathering of children, grannies, friends and in-laws, with his bride standing beside him. He said "I would like to thank you all for coming tonight. And I hope that I will come tonight too".....
Cue tumbleweed.

Wee Free wedding where the minister started the wedding ceremony talking about how marriage is God's gift to heterosexuals, then went on to base much of his sermon on a misreading/hearing of Meatloaf's "Two out of Three (ain't bad). He thought the lyrics were, "I want you, I need you, and there's just no way I'm ever going to leave you".

"Leave" is, of course, love, rendering the song utterly, completely inappropriate for a wedding.

I was an evening guest at my ex husbands wedding (our daughter was a bridesmaid and he invited my DP and our other kids, all amicable). All fine except his father kept on introducing me as ‘this is Queen, (his sons) wife’ Mega awkward and suggested some sort of polygamy situation to horrified guests. I had to keep cutting him off and shouting ‘DDs Mum’ when he did it.