To ask for your cringey wedding stories?

[thedysontree]

Was at the wedding of my sister's best friend yesterday. The bride sang "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", as she was walking down the aisle. She's a lovely woman but christ she cannot sing (though I think it would have been cringe even if she was Adele). The husband didn't know she was going to sing and seemed very taken aback by her it.

There was also a wedding a few years ago where the couple had their 4 year old stand next to the vicar and try and read out their vows for them. Being 4, he struggled and everybody was waiting awkwardly while the vicar was trying to help him pronounce words.

So, am I being unreasonable to ask for your cringe wedding stories?

My BIL gave his entire wedding speech thanking his employees for the hard work they had put in on his latest contract. Not a word to/about his new wife or even their bridesmaids. He also took it upon himself to monitor the buffet and tell people "it's only 2 of those each, put one back" "that's enough cream on that gateau" "you've already had some salmon" etc etc.

mind you he still talks to his wife like that after 28 years AND SHE LETS HIM!

I went to a Christmas wedding where the mother of the groom (wearing a ridiculous Russian-style real fur hat and oversized sunglasses) sat in tears throughout the entire wedding.

The bride (my best friend) was never good enough for her darling boy, and she made that abundantly clear throughout their marriage.

We got married abroad and wanted a guest list of only 20 including us. We ended up with 30 as MIL kept inviting people even though she was repeatedly told to stop, after the number hit 30 we had to start approaching the additional people she invited directly and tell them that wee couldn't accommodate them, really awkward all round but we couldn't afford any more.

Anyway during the speeches MILs sister decided to give a twenty minute speech about how it was MILs special day and if we looked around at those who bothered to turn up we could see that MIL had more guests present and was therefore more loved than me.

It was the most cringiest things ever, and a real slap in the face as we'd accommodated her extra ten when we should have just used the money to invite more of our own friends.

An amazing wedding of my Dh's best friend - we're all very close and the kids all class themselves as cousins. Wedding venue beautiful stately home but in no way over the top. I did feel like I was in Pride and Prejudice when I got off the bus from the church. It was just lovely.

The bride looked like Grace Kelly - she's very pretty anyway but she was absolutely statuesque; I've never seen anything like it.

1. Old friend told her she was "new riche" and she didn't deserve what she'd "got". FWIW they both have high powered professional jobs and good degrees and masters, as well as having worked all over Europe. His wedding was lovely too - I have no idea what his problem was. We don't really speak to him now.

1. Waiter asks "would you like beef or salmon?" - another old friend says "me love you long time". Half the table fall about in laughter - me and DH are HORRIFIED. Waiter clearly Asian/Chinese. We don't speak to him at all.

Such a lovely day apart from two MASSIVE assholes.

My own wedding to now exH. First of all I was bullied into having his batshit crazy sister as a bridesmaid (even tho she hated me and never spoke to me if she could help it.) She couldn't bear that the spotlight wouldn't be on her. She refused to come and have hair and make up done, said she would make her own arrangements and arrived deliberately late so my mum and bridesmaids were late leaving for the church. Flounced around in her frock at the reception, getting very pissed and loud, didn't speak a word to me all day.
ExH had a friend as an usher who had an equally crazy girlfriend. She turned up at my wedding in a backless white dress with stockings and suspenders clearly visible beneath, sat on the laps of all her boyfriends mates, tried to get off with one, who was petrified and left. The hapless boyfriend married her exactly a year later; she copied everything from my wedding. Same dress, same flowers, same bridesmaid dresses, same hairdo, everything...She got so drunk she was throwing up in the evening and it was obvious the groom's family didn't like her much.
I got custody of our wedding album when we divorced last year. I look at the photos, batshit SIL smirking, and think why did I put up with her shitty behaviour for so long? She used to turn up (pre-wedding) when ex and I were dating, and sit on his lap, smirking at me. Batshit. Utterly.

I’ve been to a few- saw my first choreographed dance last summer, was cringe.

My friend’s wedding a few years before where there was nowhere near enough food for the wedding breakfast, and you couldn’t even buy crisps from the bar. Nothing I (vegetarian) could eat for the evening buffet- which was probably just as well because a lot of our friends were up being sick in the night- we think it was the buffet. The couple had paid out for a casino and a fly past from a vintage plane, rather than feeding their guests properly.

Best thread. How are there so many nutters out there??

I went to the one where the minister lectured the couple about the importance of soap and good hygiene in a marriage and how not keeping clean could spell the end of the relationship.

I went to a distant family members wedding.. well just the evening do they said to come whenever so we got there for about 7pm was told where to go opened the doors to walk in... right next to the stage where the bride was singing everybody loves somebody sometimes, everyone was sat in silence watching her rendition while we waltzed around looking for our bloody names on tables like two sore thumbs seriously thinking we had been given an invite accidentally, to realise she had sat us (the person I haven’t seen in years) on the top table!!

A couple come to mind. One was a friend who got married, a nice do, posh hotel. All going well until the speeches. Best man decided to do the most offensive speech he could, it was like he’d read a book on Best Man speeches and used every awful joke in it. One I recall was ‘X asked me not to mention the skeletons in the closet. I was surprised, I thought he’d be more worried about the monsters in his bed.’ Cringe. Other than that it was lovely.

Went to a wedding on a budget where they’d done the buffet (for the lunch time, there was a separate evening do). We were on the last table to be called up and there was no food left. I got a few crisps and one triangle of a sandwich (as 1 of it in cut in 4). I asked if there would be food at the evening do - at a separate venue - groom said there would be ‘nibbles’. It was one bag of Doritos between 50 people We went to McDonald’s in between the wedding reception and evening do!

xBILs first wedding, 2nd marriage for his DW (the eldest of 4 daughters). DSIL looked lovely wearing an expensive beautiful figure enhancing dress which was a bit tight across the chest.
"First dance" was with her very drunk DF (not xBIL), who basically snogged and rubbed his hands all over her in front of all the guests, undid her the zip in the back of her dress and let her boobs out. Her mum laughed . Marriage lasted less than a year.

@Cosyjimjamsforautumn her father snogged her and opened her dress?????😮

My (now Ex) H refused to do a first dance with me, but did take another woman up on the dance floor and danced with her. Cue my mother dragging them off the floor. Fun times. Lasted less than 6 months...

Thanks for the info BbB.
I honestly didn't realise that.
I may tell the x-wife if I see her,she divorced him.

LorelaiRoryEmily yes. Her family's (and his wife's) response was "well he likes a drink and you know his sense of humor". God knows what had really been going on in that family .

Two here although one is a vow renewal.

First one the bride sat and opened the gifts at the top table in the wedding then proceeded to use cash gifts at the bar. Should have known really, organised the hen do never even had a thanks and she expected every guest to fund the night out even though none of them actually knew her.

Vow renewal - only part of our family invited for some strange reason. One particular person hadn't been invited to the original wedding due to a fall out. The priest actually stated that as one of the reasons for the vow renewal. To invite someone that that never invited to the original do. At the party noone wanted to make a speach so someone from the brides side got up and started talking about how their family is so good and how they have been through such a tough time and proceeded to serenade the happy couple with a song about family and not one mention of the grooms family. I cringed ill admit.

Oh and one last one, bride and groom thanked everyone apart from the grooms father who was there. I can only assume he didn't contribute any money but it was soooo awkward.

I'm so shocked at the speeches that don't even mention the bride or groom, how awful.

The Morris dancing one though 😂.

I had my wedding in a the town hall, it wasn't a very big room. MIL sobbed very loudly the whole way through it. My mum stage whispered "I wish she'd shut up his not a funeral" to which MIL sobbed "I'd rather it was" .
She then said she needed to go and pick up her glasses before the reception, a 10 minute detour at most.
She turned up hours later and kicked off because we didn't wait for her to arrive before taking the photos. She thought DH would be so worried that her and FIL hadn't come back he'd leave me and go and look for her.
DHs uncle, a prison officer, also spent the whole time trying to avoid my uncle, an ex inmate .

OMG Cosyjimjamsforautumn I thought I’d misunderstood your post...

My own.

Dh at the time gave a speech about how we first met

Sweet you may think.

Oh no ... it was about he how could of gone home with this beautiful tall slim blonde (I am nethier and met in a club) but he chose me because I was sweet and how his friends ribbed him for weeks afterwards for turning her down.

Start of the end. In my defence inwas a scared pregnant just turned 19 year old

Omg cosyjimjams

Went to a friend's wedding, they were a young evangelical Christian couple, wedding was performed by a family friend of the brides who gave a somewhat creepy speech about how he had known her since she was born, watched her mature and how lucky her husband would be to 'enjoy' his bride, given their chastity before marriage. Then proceeded to give a speech later on with lots of references to nagging wives and housework. In between these two things the acoustic guitars and projector came out and we had to try and sing along with Christian rock (at least half the people at the wedding were atheists)

At another wedding, the FoTB gave several speeches throughout the (very) long day, consistently referencing how his daughter had been seriously ill as a young child and had been left permanently disabled. I think it was meant to be a point about how special she was but the level of medical detail he went into was pretty uncomfortable and the number of references meant he came across as pretty morbid. They also had a creepy father and daughter slow dance, anyone walking in who didn't know them would have assumed they were the newly weds!

This is a great thread! I went to a wedding where, during the groom's speech, he referred to his new bride using his ex-wife's name! They only lasted about 18 months!

The bride got very drunk, she was dancing away, then out of no where she pulled her dress up and bent over in front of everyone, poor girl had come on as well, so she flashed the guests to bloody knickers!

Later on she took her dress off as she got hot and continued dancing in her wedding lingerie (clean not matching knickers)

Most the guests left really early, I was standing in the hotel, I spent the rest of the night trying get her to go to bed, I did eventually at 4am! Groom was happily asleep and just kept on saying 'it's love about her, she's firey'

@Cosyjimjamsforautumn my god that is shocking isn't it. Poor girl

Our best man used the “few lines” joke too. “I was nervous but prepared a few lines and now I’m buzzing”

He also mentioned how it was funny that my DH lost his virginity in his future MIL’s house. Some family assumed this was about me (which is bad enough), but it wasn’t! His grandma asked me to explain 🙈