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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to keep toddler quiet

484 replies

Jellytots321 · 25/08/2019 09:04

So I recently stayed in a holiday cottage attached to some other holiday cottages.

Unfortunaly the first morning we were there my toddler started to cut a tooth. He was crying on and off for about 30 minutes from about 7. We then left to go out for the day at 8am. Whilst on the way to our car I was approached by the owner and asked to keep the noise down. I explained the situation and she replied that I shouldn't have booked it I knew he would make noise (he was included on the booking and the site says children welcome). I left a bad review saying not to book if you have babies or toddlers as they will be expected not to cry. They replied with a smug reply saying thank you for responding to our request as there was no more disturbance for the rest of the trip (yeah his tooth came through so he stopped crying!). I apologised in my review for disturbance to other guests and suggested that instead of telling us to keep him quiet they could have asked if we needed any help. Someone else reviewed the day after saying that children are welcome you just need to be respectful of other guests. I was being respectful hence leaving at 8am and not 11am like planned. Aibu for leaving that review or feeling like I should be expected to magically stop a 1 year old from crying? I would understand if it was adults making noise but I was doing everything I could to comfort him!

OP posts:
rookiemere · 25/08/2019 16:07

Beyondmywits it would be fine to ask them to keep the noise down if it was controllable, but a teething baby is by its very nature not something that can be stopped and presumably said DC had already received max dose of calpol.

It would have spoilt my holiday to receive such a remark as I'd wondered who had complained and be on edge the whole rime in case baby started teething again.

Children play shrieking before 8 , adults staying up and talking loudly past 11 are all fair game, but what was OP expected to do - leave and go home would probably be my response preferably with a refund.

Jellybeansincognito · 25/08/2019 16:11

Ghanagirl

@Jellybeansincognito
Teething hurts or is uncomfortable for most babies and toddlers

@Ghanagirl there is absolutely no scientific evidence that backs this up, ive asked more than one dentist who also agrees it doesn’t hurt. Hence why things like Ashton and parsons magically cures the pain, with no active ingredients that would do so in it, same with teething gels.

It’s about as old fashioned as people saying sugar makes kids hyper.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 16:11

Jingling, the moon and the sun on the clock face, not in the bloody sky!! It’s a great tool which has resulted in my children being able to play quietly without disturbing anyone. How is that a bad thing? Would you rather I beat them, or shout at them? You are the one being silly. Check out the reviews for the gro clock - I’m by far from alone.

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:16

Seriously., you need to have a look at your own obsessive behaviour. Far from flaunting this as good parenting, sadly it shows you rely on 'the clock' rather than the behaviour you want to create which is a child who can play quietly until their parents get up.
This!!
Mumsnet is supposed to be a support network for mothers (initially) but it’s because a site that bitches about parents and toddlers in pain.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 16:23

Ghana you seem unfamiliar with the general approach of Aibu. It’s gloves off honesty, like it or lump it. If people can’t take it, there are plenty of other mumsnet boards which are far more gentle.

Rhinosaurus · 25/08/2019 16:24

@zzzzzzzz12345

I can’t believe you are being mocked for putting in clear and consistent boundaries around sleep for your children, using a grow clock which is widely recommended by sleep service professionals. I expect that the ones who are mocking you are the parents who are always moaning how tired they are because their kids got them up at the crack of dawn .

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:24

@Jellybeansincognito
I stand by my view and the Dentist I work with in commissioning (I’m a public health specialist)
for the NHS agrees with me.
I don’t want to derail the thread but the toddler crying was the issue.

JinglingHellsBells · 25/08/2019 16:27

@zzzzzzzz12345 Your post didn't mention a clock face. The point is that a child should be able to learn to play quietly at whatever time they wake, until their parents get up. That' s how mine learned. Your whole approach is completely flawed. How is a child supposed to go back to sleep if they aren't tired? You should have thought about teaching them to amuse themselves quietly not make them stay in bed.

And a child of one - like the OP's- is not going to be able to tell the time with a gro clock or whatever it's called. If you think a 1 yr old can tell the time from any form of device, you are being ridiculous.

I think your form of parenting- forcing a young child back to bed with 1 minute to go before YOU decide it's getting up time is actually cruel.

It defies any notion of good, caring parenting.

Jellybeansincognito · 25/08/2019 16:27

@Ghanagirl yes because the child couldn’t have been crying due to new surroundings or travel overtiredness hey!

Teeth are also new in the mouth, and it’ll feel weird to suddenly have one coming- doesn’t mean it’s painful!

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:28

@zzzzzzzz12345
I’m very familiar with AIBU and posting about racism etc I’m very robust ( too much according to some).
Bullying a parent of a crying toddler on a parenting site not so much.

MerryChristmasHarry · 25/08/2019 16:29

There's nothing passive aggressive about leaving an accurate review.

JinglingHellsBells · 25/08/2019 16:31

zzzzzzzz12345 You didn't say you used the clock to enable them to play quietly. Your initial posts said you went in and made them get back to bed till it was exactly 7am not 6.59am.

And I still say that 7am is far far later than the getting up time any parent I've ever known has had. Many parents are dropping off a child at nursery or breakfast club at that time, not thinking about getting up.

And I for one am not complaining about sleeplessness. My DCs were very well behaved but we never used a clock. They were taught to play quietly.

But the thread is about a ONE year old teething. They are supposed to clock watch?

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:32

@Jellybeansincognito
@Ghanagirl yes because the child couldn’t have been crying due to new surroundings or travel overtiredness hey!
Possibly but OP who was there and is the mother stated teething.
Teeth are also new in the mouth, and it’ll feel weird to suddenly have one coming- doesn’t mean it’s painful!
Maybe not for you but even wisdom teeth hurt some adults coming through.
Way to derail the thread though

BeyondMyWits · 25/08/2019 16:35

"Beyondmywits it would be fine to ask them to keep the noise down if it was controllable, but a teething baby is by its very nature not something that can be stopped"

yep... but nothing wrong with a plain and simple apology.

Just because you can't do anything about it - does not mean someone has not been disturbed by it. Apologies are easy (you don't even have to mean it) and they politely smooth the waters of human interaction.

not on MN evidently, but they do go a long way in real life.

Jellybeansincognito · 25/08/2019 16:35

I made the comment, you responded to it. You seem very unaware of your own behaviour tbh.

When I make comments, I do so fully. So I back them up and stand by them.

You can’t call someone out for something you don’t agree with, and then blame them for detailing the thread. You played a part in that too.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 16:36

Jingling you are either not reading my posts properly or being deliberately obtuse.

Rhinosaurus · 25/08/2019 16:36

What @zzzzzzzz12345 is saying that is at 659 the moon is still showing on the grow clock, so if the children get up then and not wait for the sun to come onto the grow clock how are they supposed to know not to get up at, say, 6am if they have been allowed to get up with the moon showing at 659, instead of waiting for the sun.
Nothing cruel or abusive about it - the children aren’t suffering harm or distress, in fact it is good active parenting - the children are learning to keep within boundaries set by their parent. If other parents are happy to let their children get up and wake them at sparrow fart that is their parenting choice, but don’t then go moaning how exhausted you are.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 25/08/2019 16:40

I bet the owners' and other neighbours' versions of this story would be very different... and more honest.

Sounds like the owners won the review war, anyway!

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:42

@Jellybeansincognito👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾

SmartPlay · 25/08/2019 16:43

@Jellybeansincognito Could you please post links to articles confirming what you said about teething not hurting? Thanks!

About the posts directed towards zzzz.... : While I don't agree with most of the stuff she wrote here, basically blaming the OP for being rude because her baby cried, the bashing her about the clock thing and about teaching her children when it's okay to get up is just stupid. I do not have a clock like that myself (I didn't even know what it was before it was mentioned here) and I don't have or ever had any fixed times from when my children can get up (might have in the future for DC2 though), but I fail to see what's so bad and abusive. The clock apparently works to show children from a very young age, far too young to read an actual clock, from what time it is acceptable to be up and noisy. Before that time, they have to be quiet.

What's wrong about that? My son is only 2 now, but should he become a child who wakes very early, I might consider a clock like that. I think it's lovely and it supports a young child's independence - as a toddler he will be able to tell himself, without having to wake me and me telling him it's too early, whether he can wake me up or should play quietly (or go back to sleep, if he wants to).

FuckFacePlatapus · 25/08/2019 16:49

Toddlers cry, you booked child friendly accommodation but found it to be the opposite. You left a perfectly credible review based on your own experience. Anyone who expects a toddler or baby not to cry are quite clearly stupid.

Ghanagirl · 25/08/2019 16:49

NHS states little evidence to support Diarrhoea or fever not that it’s painless for all infants

zzzzzzzz12345 · 25/08/2019 16:50

Rhinosaurus - I couldn’t have put it better myself.

The gro clock was a tangent - nothing to do with the OP or her situation. Of course a gro clock couldn’t help a teething child, and I never indicated it could.

FuckFacePlatapus · 25/08/2019 16:51

@swingofthings always one perfect parent 🙄