To have hated ‘This is going to hurt’ by Adam Kay?

[SweetMelodies]

Just that really. So many recommendations to read it from others, it seems to have so much praise and is a number 1 seller.

I like to think I have a good sense of humour and sometimes a pretty dark one at that but I just found the book absolutely dripping in misogyny. Sure it IS well-written and he is obviously a very talented writer and some bits were indeed funny... but a lot of it really turned my stomach, the language, the way he speaks about women, his really narrow-minded attitude towards birth that isn’t evidence-based at all, just based the very limited picture of birth he has. He clearly puts the women in a category of ‘other’ and ‘less than’.

I did feel terrible for him having experienced the dreadful situation at the end and it did highlight how overworked drs can be... but at the same time I think the language and attitudes displayed in it really summarised the paternal and disrespectful attitudes in the maternity system that lead to so many women traumatised by childbirth.

Despite this I appear to be completely alone in this way of thinking, did anyone else not get a great feel from this (or parts of this) book?

Of course intervention is necessary at times and birth can change rapidly with an urgent need for intervention.

But birth plans are actually about becoming informed about exactly the kind of things that can and do happen, they’re about being educated and knowledgeable and therefore more empowered to actually be part of decision-making.

Also disregard for consent really isn’t limited to the urgent scary life-or-death situations that arise in labour, women are often simply ‘told’ in antenatal appointments that certain things will happen without discussion- eg ‘you will be booked in for induction at one week overdue’

I also noticed manipulation of language in the book for obtaining consent from a patient, he would say ‘I consented her’ ‘I go to consent a patient for xyz’ and so on... almost like it’s an unbearable truth that they have to get a persons permission to do something so the language is changed round to put the dr in the superior position.

I bet in real life doctors, nurses care workers go home and laugh about all sorts of things as a pressure release. I’d rather have a human Dr with a sense of humour any day. He came across as someone who cared but was frustrated with the NHS and yes at times with patients. I wouldn’t believe any NHS worker who said they didn’t get like that at times. It’s a funny book.

I don’t think it’s a question of thinking he’s better than women. I think he tells specific anecdotes about the incredible stupidity of patients sometimes, and you are construing it as misogyny because as he worked in obs & gynae, his patients happen to be women. He tells plenty of stories about stupid male patients earlier in the book. Degloved penis, anyone?

And “consenting someone for a procedure” is standard terminology, it’s not his use of language.

chelseacat midwives do not hate doctors. What a load of bollocks.

I thought it was badly written and in poor taste in places so I stopped reading it.

On a birth plan front, I’m a midwife, I’ve had two babies and two birth plans. Not a dictation of will happen but preferences, what I would prefer in certain circumstances, type of birth I’m aiming for to guide my midwives.
I encourage all women to have a birth plan, like I say, not a dictation but preferences.

I didn’t finish the last 10 pages or so, it’s hyped to my mind & I put it down

I found it very misogynistic too.

"Twats and brats"

Indeed.

“I also noticed manipulation of language in the book for obtaining consent from a patient, he would say ‘I consented her”
That’s standard language, not his. All part of the picture he’s painting of the culture and his training. It’s a diary, you know, not a novel.

I enjoyed it but I found it very bleak. I'm going to read it again in the light of the comments above.

Very disheartening that that’s the standard language :(

I agree with you to a point OP.

The book wasn’t all bad. He wrote powerfully and informatively about the under-resourcing of the NHS and the pressures faced by junior doctors. The ending was tragic and I thought he wrote about that in a sensitive way. But there was a distinct undercurrent of misogyny and God complex throughout the book It’s been a while since I read it but from memory I recall:

1. Calling obstetrics ‘brats and twats’
2. Describing obstetrics as something like ‘easy, drag it out and stitch up the mess you’ve made’
3. Derogatory comments about older ladies, prolapses and continence.
4. Describing midwives as ‘terrorists’
5. As you say, making derisive comments about women’s birth plans. This makes me really cross. Woman are heavily encouraged by the NHS to make birth plans (arguably, to give us the illusion of control over vaginal birth so that we won’t get scared and start requesting c-sections). I just don’t think medical professionals can have it both ways - you can’t encourage us to make birth plans beforehand then sneer at us for believing in them when they get binned.

If you listen to all the Amateur Transplant lyrics, you could argue that his attitude is dark towards all patients - I think it is a survival humour thing. One of my close family trained with him and to all accounts he sounds like a decent man. I found his book funny and deeply sad but some of his humour in it a bit shocking as I did the lyrics of some of his songs.

Thank you Mummyme87 :) my midwife was also very encouraging of doing a birth plan, I pretty much believed the ‘don’t bother they go out the window’ stuff until I actually learnt more about them and found mine invaluable.

Maybe I am a bit ‘hung up’ on the birth plan bit, I just feel as someone who found it a very useful tool to have a positive birth after a traumatic one, that it’s a crying shame to have them mocked as useless. If they help some women to the extent of making birth less traumatic then every woman should be encouraged to have one.

I do think that since it’s something that encourages women to have a little bit of power and to be well-informed naturally society will discourage them as much as possible.

I do think there’s a bit of “shoot the messenger” going on. He was telling it like it was- not how he, or we, would like it to be.

1. Calling obstetrics ‘brats and twats’
2. Describing obstetrics as something like ‘easy, drag it out and stitch up the mess you’ve made’

Aren't both of those things that he describes other people as saying?

I can't be arsed with this. It was HIS book based on HIS memoirs. All Doctors use shorthand, acronyms and jargon to describe patients. It doesn't make them uncaring monsters. If anything, his views were that the
NHS is woefully underfunded by successive governments "yadda yadda yadda" (which sector isn't underfunded?)

It was an amusing memoir which had a sad underbelly and definitely ended on a low.

I did wonder how non HCP see this book.
I found it very funny and it rang very very true.

Critical care has to have dark humour. They’d all go mad(der) if they didn’t. It’s a coping mechanism. Nothing else. Definitely not mysoginists, definitely not uncaring, definitely no sense of superiority.

I didn't find it misogynistic. How many stories about unreasonable or difficult male patients is an obstetrician likely to have?

It’s not in the least disheartening. It’s very deliberate - the doctor consents someone means the doing part of it falls on the doctor - the onus is on them to take the action and ensure consent.

Twats and brats. Same as FUBAR. Same as many well-known acronyms. You cannot impose your own sensitivities on those who face these situations day in, day out. Black humour is a tool to survive. Surely you want them to treat you based on their extensive education and medical knowledge, not judge them on the basis of their humour which allows them to blow off steam?

I thought it was a great read, but some bits sat badly with me.

I didn’t like the dismissive attitude to home births and the story about the woman wanting the placenta was quite derogatory.

However I expect all that is reflective of the culture of the NHS rather than him specifically.

If you think his comments about older women and their gynae problems are derogatory, you should hear what those of us who have them say about them. I’ve heard my friends say far, far worse things.

Loved the book but I am a doctor and have spend many many hours in the labour ward. Gallows humour is common in healthcare - it's a coping mechanism.

OP I think the birth plan comment is what has upset you most. For what it's worth I've seen laminated birth plans and some people do write stupid (and unrealistic) things on them. A couple of examples off the top of my head - "I refuse to be given antibiotics under any circumstances" and " I will only be treated by non-smoking midwives"
I think the comment was likely more about these sorts of requests rather than the bog standard generic stuff most people write.