To have hated ‘This is going to hurt’ by Adam Kay?

[SweetMelodies]

Just that really. So many recommendations to read it from others, it seems to have so much praise and is a number 1 seller.

I like to think I have a good sense of humour and sometimes a pretty dark one at that but I just found the book absolutely dripping in misogyny. Sure it IS well-written and he is obviously a very talented writer and some bits were indeed funny... but a lot of it really turned my stomach, the language, the way he speaks about women, his really narrow-minded attitude towards birth that isn’t evidence-based at all, just based the very limited picture of birth he has. He clearly puts the women in a category of ‘other’ and ‘less than’.

I did feel terrible for him having experienced the dreadful situation at the end and it did highlight how overworked drs can be... but at the same time I think the language and attitudes displayed in it really summarised the paternal and disrespectful attitudes in the maternity system that lead to so many women traumatised by childbirth.

Despite this I appear to be completely alone in this way of thinking, did anyone else not get a great feel from this (or parts of this) book?

@LikeTheFruit I think the problem was using one of those examples to represent birth plans in general and say they’re not worth writing.

I get you. For what it's worth, I will be making one and do feel they have their place. Doesn't change that fact that some are ridiculous.

I enjoyed it. Yes it was at times brutal but actually I think this is how things are and the honesty is what makes it funny. To a doctor delivering babies every day it isn't a magical spiritual experience, it is a medical event and success is measured by a healthy mum and baby. Pretending to see it otherwise would make the book less authentic.

I loved the book and didn't get any of the negative impressions you've mentioned.

Read it in 2 days. Laughed out loud often. No misogyny. I found him sensitive and caring and just bloody thrown in at the deep end! DH now reading it and loving it.

My ‘birth plan’ was a few lines . Aim for as little pain relief as possible, be active if possible. But ultimately you have to be flexible and shouldn’t demand private treatment of the stretched NHS.

I am genuinely surprised that so many people found it funny and actually laughed out loud! I struggled to find it even slightly amusing, it was rather boring and contrived. I've seen him read some of it on TV and it was just as bad.

I am amazed people didn’t find it funny. Miserable gits.

I loved it except for the way it ended. I felt so sorry for all concerned.
Adult daughter had read the book at same time as myself ( she started and finished just before me) . She felt the same as myself. We both thoroughly enjoyed it, but wept at the end.

Do you think he should have changed it so the ending was happy?

Read the book. Seen his live show.
Didn't think it was misogynistic at the time, but maybe that's because I've recently rewatched Bodies. I asked a Dr friend if Bodies was OTT compared to real life and she just laughed at my naivety.

@Babdoc it’s really reassuring to hear you say all of that. I do understand gallows humour absolutely, but it can be there without the undercurrent of contempt / feeling of repugnance you described.

I loved it. I don't recognise the book you are talking about as the same book I read, OP. I thought it was funny, and that the denouement was very moving, too. I think people are reading misogyny into it where there is none. A shame.

I work in the NHS and I hated this book. There were some 'tender moments' but I generally thought that the school boy humour and the sexist commentary along with the super smug attitude of the writer probably did a lot to damage his own mental health. There are so many genuine people who work in the NHS from top to bottom and many many funny stories that I really feel this book was a disservice to them all.

Bumply, I'm glad you mentioned Bodies (though in a different context). Bodies is the best thing I've ever seen on TV. Absolutely brilliant and so, so true to life. Unusually, I thought the TV series was better than the book. I can't think of any other instance of this.

A superb book.

Aside from the women's bodies as drains/sewers analogies that stuck in my mind, his sniggering about the 50 year old woman having lots of sex on holiday and returning 'bow legged' sticks in my mind too. Disgusted glee at her stds.

I found it interesting at times but tiresome at others.

How could the end have been any different? It was the reason he gave up medicine - which was kind of the entire point.

I'm a bit on the fence. I did find parts of it very funny. I'm a junior doctor and a lot of it was horribly but also entertainingly familiar. I also definitely know some colleagues who can sound very callous and have a pretty dark sense of humour when talking privately, but are fantastic with patients and care deeply about them - it's a defense mechanism as much as anything.

But, I've also been on the receiving end of some very poor care from obstetricians, and had a truly appalling birth experience with my eldest - so some of the apparent callousness/ lack of consideration in the anecdotes does make me wince. I also found the attitude to some of his female colleagues and their childcare problems a bit sneery. But again perhaps it was just a bit close to home and I'm being oversensitive.

I understand what you're saying op. I found it quite entertaining but also quite uncomfortable reading and I didn't warn to him at all. I found him a little sneery about some of the women in his care.

As soon as I opened this thread I knew someone would take umbrage with his mocking of birth plans. I'm sorry, but I also mock birth plans. My birth plan was "have a baby, both of us to live with no long term conditions due to birth afterwards". I also completely agree with his opinion on home births. I found the book a fascinating insight into the day to day work (and not to mention the minutiae that they routinely see patients for - of which I myself am guilty (visiting the doctor for a sore toe for example). I thought it highlighted horrendous working conditions where personal responsibility was too much. I find it of massive interest now that I work in a hospital to compare the things he says he experienced as a junior doctor, with what I observe.

And I should say, regarding my birth plan that that was my ultimate ideal ...I had no idea how it would end up, I had to trust my HCPs to get me there. And that they would get my body to do what it needed to do. Which I think is what Kay discusses - he steps in when the female body needs assistance, so is it any wonder he views the female body as something independent of the woman?

Thought it was brilliant. I also work in a profession where you NEED gallows humour to get you through. Perhaps the people saying it's misogynistic need to think about the fact that as an obstetrician/gynaecologist - ALL his patients/stories about patients are going to be about women

I had 3 homebirths. Would have one again. The book didn't offend me.
Dd is a raging feminist. She liked AK's book.

I'm curious: if you have a black sense of humour, but didn't like Adam Kay's book: what 'black sense of humour' things have you read or seen that you recommend?

I have a strong feeling that my black sense of humour is not like yours.