4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

[Hannahlouise4026]

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

Definitely agree with checking her for hypermobility or other things that could account for not wanting to walk. If have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Type 2 and since I can remember my legs ache when I walk and I get physically tired easily. I could run short distances without much problem but anything sustained and my muscles felt hot and achey.

If no physical reason I’d not resort to treating her like a baby ie putting reins on her putting her in a buggy or telling her she can’t do big girl things if she can’t walk. There is obviously something she is tryIng to communicate - honeymoon period of the new baby wearing off, exerting autonomy, control etc. These are valid and important feelings/needs.

I would go for a reward system. If she can walk without a fuss she can have a sticker (take some with). 2 stickers and she gets a small treat. Increase it to 3 stickers for a treat etc. Lots of praise when she does walk nicely. If there’s no physical reason for her refusal then it will be a phase she will grow out of. Punishing her and making a big deal out of it is likely to prolong the whole thing imo.

With my 3 yr old DD, when she refuses to walk, u try distracting her with walking games. For example, I make a funny animal noise every time she steps on a metal grate or something. Some cracks she has to jump over. Other times she has to walk along the lines. If you look down at a pavement there is usually some mark or grate every few meters. And whilst they are looking down and in the moment, they're not looking ahead at how far they have to walk.

www.brisbanekids.com.au/12-walking-games-kids/

I'm sure that there are some better ones. I only looked quickly. I do things like - who can find the biggest leaf and estimating how long it will take to get home, the counting down the seconds. It becomes a beat the clock challenge. I remember being dragged out for walks as a four year-old and remember my legs tiring really quickly and me being bored. Love walking now though.

I think because it requires more stability.

That, and concentration and physical effort to get those damned muscles to go where they want them to!

My nephew used to pull this shit. He is now in his late 30's. When he was a kid I lived in another country from my family but my mother used to tell me he was lying down in shops, parks, all over the place refusing to move. On two occasions the police were called.

The first time they the police responded was when the child was with my elderly mother and decided he had enough, he was 9. My mother tried everything to get him up and ended up running in search my sister who had walked off. It was inside a large shop and someone called the police, maybe thinking he was ill. He refused to get up even for the police and it was only when my sister showed up could they get physically force him up.

Another time I was told he refused to get out of the car and my sister needed to go into the shop before it closed. No amount of begging could move him. They were in a place where it is illegal to leave a child under ten alone in a car. My sister told him he could get her arrested and he told her he didn't care. When she returned the police were there and he was refusing to open the door for them. People in authority meant nothing to him. My sister received a warning or something.

I saw him do it when he didn't want to leave my parents home. He was an overweight eleven year old by then. After failed negations my sister and my mother carried him through the house and to the car. My mother begged him not to make her do it again as she had only just recovered from the last time they had to carry the big lump. My mother was in her mid-70's btw. I offered to get a bucket of water to dump on the rotten kid's face. Soon as they got him into the car he dashed out the other side.

He grew up to be the worse kind of boyfriend/father/provider you can imagine. He has a criminal record as well. He was never taught right from wrong and was only over indulged. As you can tell I don't like him.

I have been known to throw my 4yo over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes when I needed to get him somewhere whilst pushing pram. He's generally ok though but I don't negotiate too much. "You're coming with me/we are doing this right now or I will carry you/you will not get the treat we were getting." And follow through.

My friends DD did similar to yours and she started trying to put her in the pushchair whilst making a bit of a song and dance about it "ooh look DD if you can't walk like a big girl lets strap you into the pushchair like your baby brother!" . After a a few times it seemed to put her off.

she certainly won't want to turn up at the school gates in a pram
You might be surprised. One particularly (neurotypical) young lad in the same class as my DD had his mum wrapped around his finger. At the age of nine he was seen hopping into a buggy after school to get a lift home from his mum. But then this was the child whose Mum told me that she had to sleep in his bed at night and that Dad was relegated to the spare room because, in year 3, he would only go to sleep if he had his blanket and if she lay down next to him in bed so he could stroke the ribbon on her nighty.

And they all put up with it to avoid the sleepless nights or tantrums!

Have you cancelled the buggy board yet OP?

My DCG climbed steep hills 500ft+ when they were 3 and they never moaned. If your child has no medical problems there is no reason why they should only be walking 10 -15 by the age of 4.

My DCG climbed steep hills 500ft+ when they were 3 and they never moaned. If your child has no medical problems there is no reason why they should only be walking 10 -15 by the age of 4.

Congratulations on your awesome parenting!

Have a medal

@Lowlandlucky, jolly well done.

I'm still amazed at how many posters are dismissing the possibility of a medical problem. Yes kids complain they are tired, but to miss out on fun with family is strange. There are a whole host of medical issues it could be, some serious, some maybe just needing some insoles to sort. My friends 7 yo has juvenile idiopathic arthritis and struggles with walking and fatigue even when the arthritis is well controlled.

At 4 ( she's not even 5 yet until Nov) using a buggy board or buggy is not to end of the world.

I've done 3 mile hikes and hours of bike riding on some days ( with my then 3yo) and other days a walk to the shops is hard work for whatever reason. There is no harm in getting checked out.

@TumblingTumbleWeeds sorry to hear about your nephew. His behaviour sounds like that of a troubled child/ person. I suspect there is more than just your sister not enforcing boundaries on him.

Kids go through this phase. I've seen it with my daughter. We have this image in our own minds of always being out every weekend in lovely walks etc. The truth is some or many kids just want to be at home. I wouldn't punish her. Either put her in a pushchair it find a way for her to be able to stay at home with someone. I think we should listen to them when they say they don't want to walk. Sometimes they just don't want to.

Quite sad that most people are going to the “you’re the parent” “she’s a stubborn Madame”. Of course children have free will and need to feel like they have control of their lives and don’t do what you want them to.
Please take the fact that there may be something wrong with her seriously. If you don’t it will forever affect your relationship with her.

I think we should listen to them when they say they don't want to walk. Sometimes they just don't want to.

This is just nuts to me ^^. There's loads we all have to do that we don't want to childhood is at least partly about learning to fit in with that.

My children always groan about going out for a walk but they really enjoy it once they are out.

Physical issues I am not dismissing but I think there is a fundamental difference in how people parent and making your child walk is perfectly reasonable. Walking is essential for activity and health.

My children always groan about going out for a walk but they really enjoy it once they are out.

That's a very different scenario from the one the OP has described.

There is a point at which it becomes unreasonable to force children to bend to the will of adults. There's a level at which them not wanting to do something is valid.

We all have things we don't want to do but have to; we also all have things that we choose not to do because the price for us is just too high but that can still be described as not wanting to. The same applies to children.

You can't just choose not to walk, that's utterly ridiculous

I'd pop her up in a sling or carrier and carry on with whatever you were doing

I’m a vet... and if this was an animal displaying behavioural issues. I would first do a thorough check (via GP obvs, not vets!) to make sure no physical issues underlying the behaviour. Then address the behavioural issues safe in the knowledge there are no underlying physical issues

Don't want to be dramatic but my sister got like this at 9 and she had leukaemia 🤷‍♀️ she also used to still play with friends but that took a lot of energy.

My DD 4 was late to walk and it’s still not one of her favourite things to do. I have found making a game out of walking or having races with her works really well. I’d try this, be consistent as well, you don’t need to get cross, just firm and insistent. A mixture of this can work for us.

I would take her to the doc's just to check there is nothing wrong with her leg/knees/hips etc. and take it from there.

Pram and a nappy on her! Big girl pants r only for girls who walk! Good luck

She's in charge.... Play her at her at her game, walk away, she'll throw a wobbly, keep walking. Do not try and reason with her, just be the intelligent grown up. Goodness sake, she's got you all singing her song.

Being a parent sounds horrible!