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Original poster

4 year olds refusal to walk dictating weekends!

344 replies

Hannahlouise4026 · 24/08/2019 15:20

My dd is 5 in November.
Every weekend for the last few weeks/months have resulted in either me or my husband having to abandon whatever plan we had as a family to go home with her as she just lies down in the middle of the steeet and refuses to walk. She says her legs hurt (I know this to be a lie to get out of what she wants to do as she runs off with her friends, swims and dances ( all things she enjoys)
We also have a baby and a almost 6 year old ad well.
Examples -
• last weekend on the Sunday we decided to go to a local national trust castle with fantastic play park, and the promise of lunch. She refused to get out of the car, then rolled around in the ground. In the end my husband sat in the car with her while I took my eldest and baby to the park

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

I’ve said she has to spend the next two days indoor, and no iPad/tv time. I’m not sure what other reasonable thing to suggest to stop this happening.

It’s ruining any family thing we do, my husband has one day off a week and we fee we can’t do anything as her refusal to walk/go anywhere ruins it for all of us.

She is smart, friendly, generally well behaved at other times, no developmental/behavioural concerns otherwise.

Please help as we are at the end of our tether.

OP posts:
drspouse · 24/08/2019 16:17

@Hannahlouise4026 I walked off about 10m away from the children's centre when my DS did this and the postman stopped and then went in and found a member of staff!
We found a buggy board did help though.

KurriKurri · 24/08/2019 16:17

At the moment she is dictating everyone's leisure time and the other children (especially the older one) are missing out.

I would tell them you are starting a reward system for children who walk nicely and don't lie on the ground etc.
If she messes about when you get home you make a big deal out of other child getting a reward for their nice walking (a comic or tiny toy or whatever or have a lucky dip bag) she gets nothing. You explain again that the rewards are for children who walk nicely and don't mess around. Repeat and repeat. Once the reward has been handed out and other child praised. Move on - be matter of fact about it all. 'DC1 here is your present for walking nicely, no sorry DC2 not for you this time - maybe next time if you walk nicely.' then change the topic and ignore any tantrums.

Make walking to places with no silly behaviour the nicest option. If she wants attention, she will soon see that attention and praise comes with walking sensibly. It isn't done in a nasty or cross way - but in a very matter of fact way. And obviously if she does then manage to walk somewhere she is praised, you are pleased she gets her prize.

(Obviously as others have said check she has no physical issues - but it doesn't sound as if she has if she can run off with friends.)

Original poster
Hannahlouise4026 · 24/08/2019 16:17

We have a fold up stroller, thing is she would actually want to go in a pram, she wouldn’t be embarrassed about it and would choose to use it if we asked her. She’s 5 in 3 months and goes to school, I feel like using a pram would be taking a step back and giving him, no?

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 24/08/2019 16:17

•weekend before, we decided to walk to a local cafe with a little play area and get an ice lolly. A 10/15 min walk. We gave her option of using scooter if She wanted. As soon as we got to the end of our street she sat down and refused to move, begging husband to carry her.

"ok, but you don't get an ice lolly then" - then follow through by giving her a glass/bottle of water only and making sure you and dh enjoy a lovely ice lolly and she can watch. if she complains tell her she can get one next time if she walks properly

•on Thursday we went swimming just myself and baby brother, pool is 2 minutes walk from our front door (literally can see our door from it!) and on the way back she lay on the ground and refused to walk, half an hour later, me standing beside her the whole time, she saw her friend and then ran off with her.

I wouldn't have let her go with her friend, or would have brought her straight back, as she was obviously too tired from before.

•today she was playing outside with her friends and as it’s a lovely day, we thought we’d take a walk to local park (10/15 min walk) got yo the end of our street and again the same thing happened. I ended up literally having to drag her back while pushing the pram. She’s now rolling around the floor, which will last for ages.

"that's a shame you are so tired, you can go lie in your bed and rest when we get home until dinner. Next time we go to the park you can sit on the bench before we go home and just watch the other children play and not join in so you can rest before the walk back, or do you want to show me you can walk nicely now?" Follow through next time.

Make sure there are consequences followed through every time.

Sillymcbilly · 24/08/2019 16:20

I just walk off and leave mine there. They soon get a move on!

yesteaandawineplease · 24/08/2019 16:20

We have a fold up stroller, thing is she would actually want to go in a pram, she wouldn’t be embarrassed about it and would choose to use it if we asked her. She’s 5 in 3 months and goes to school, I feel like using a pram would be taking a step back and giving him, no?

don't make it a battle of wills if you don't need to. she wants to be babied because you have a new baby. indulge her for a while. she soon feel reassured and get bored

Seeline · 24/08/2019 16:22

If she uses the buggy, she won't be allowed out when you get to wherever - if legs hurt too much to walk, then she obviously needs to sit in it and watch siblings playing at the park etc.

RedPanda2 · 24/08/2019 16:23

@slipperywhensparticus the vision on your DS walking behind you while shouting I'M STAYING HERE made me LOL!! Kids are ridiculous sometimes

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 24/08/2019 16:23

Buy some reins and put them on her then when she lies down pick her up and plonk her into a buggy and attach the reins like a baby

and then she can stay in there until the rest of the family return home then straight to bed without TV or any screens

so she can rest properly

or just hold her by the wrist and make her walk alongside you

Hopefully she doesn't have a TV in her bedroom but if she does take it out asap

please do not continue letting a 4/5 year old dictate your time and trips out otherwise you will have a nightmare on your hands in 10 years time or less

BertieBotts · 24/08/2019 16:24

God no, who cares if it's going backwards and giving in? she certainly won't want to turn up at the school gates in a pram, let her go in one if it helps. It averts this gigantic problem and it's extremely unlikely to last longer than 6 months or so. And if her legs really are tired then why not? They are only little at four.

I remember being four actually and thinking it massively unfair that I with the tired legs had to WALK all the way to school whereas my baby sister who had just learned to walk and was desperate to practice it at all times got to have a lovely ride :o

Goldensummer · 24/08/2019 16:25

People saying just walk on and leave her she will soon catch up (which works for some children) clearly haven't had a stubborn child who really would just sit there until the cows come home, no matter what you do!

It would take a physical drag home to get a child like that moving, there is just no reasoning with them whatsoever and it's mentally/emotionally/physically draining torture sometimes. No amount of consequences/promise of treats/losing stuff makes a difference.

Teateaandmoretea · 24/08/2019 16:27

You really need to be firmer with her.

My children have always walked miles and people comment on what good walkers they are (my now 7yo can do 10 miles without too much trouble more easily than me)

BUT we've had exactly what you describe both of them sitting down at different times and refusing to move on little strolls etc. Actually walking is pretty non-negotiable for me. She is just misbehaving and there needs to be a consequence/ reward for when she does as she's told.

Teateaandmoretea · 24/08/2019 16:29

So golden are you saying stubborn children should never be expected to do anything they don't want to? Believe me dd2 is stubborn in the extreme but you can hardly just give up and let them do exactly what they want all the time can you? Confused

NavyBlueHue · 24/08/2019 16:29

She’s ruling the roost. Stop pandering to her.
If you teach her she can just drop to the floor and the adults give up and stay with her then that’s a terrible lesson. DD would have been picked up and marched if she’d tried this at that age.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 24/08/2019 16:30

The problem is, either option (cutting short your outing and going home / putting her in a pram) is 'giving in', but whereas the first spoils things for all of you, the second, if you stick to the idea that she can't get out and have fun if she's so tired, and goes to bed as soon as you get in, only spoils things for her. Why should your other kids (especially the 6 year old) miss out because she wants attention?

I'd stick to natural consequences (so no witholding sweets, but definitely can't go on the climbing frame) and hope that she eventually gets bored.

strawberrypenguin · 24/08/2019 16:30

I agree with PP's either walk off or put her in a buggy that she then stays in. Stop taking her home or giving her special 1:1 time with a parent when she does this.
By going home/ not doing activity she's getting what she wants from this behaviour.
Reward the behaviour you want as well as punishing the bad.

Teateaandmoretea · 24/08/2019 16:31

We’ve tried walking off but she doesn’t budge, in fact when we were on holiday and she did it, we walked about 20 meters in front and a van pulled over beside her asking if she was ok...my husband ran over and they said they were going to call the police as they though she was lost

20 metres is nothing. Try it somewhere safe with no one else about and properly walk off.

Gobbolinocat · 24/08/2019 16:33

Some dc do get tired.

My dh just picks up our younger dc if won't walk or complains. Still get plenty of excerise, you could even put her in small pushchair.

Goldensummer · 24/08/2019 16:33

Oh you can make them come along, but it will involve physical movement. It's not just stubborn, it's a whole other category which is just exhausting.

notsohippychick · 24/08/2019 16:34

Oh god just ignore her. She wanting the attention and you are giving it!

Just walk off slowly. If you turn a corner just hover there and peep to see if she’s catching up. When she’s caught up say nothing and carry on walking.

notastealthboast · 24/08/2019 16:35

The thing is a 10-15 minutes walk is fine for us and fine for a child in a buggy but at age 4 that is quite far to walk and if you're regularly doing that maybe she IS tired.

notastealthboast · 24/08/2019 16:36

Can your husband put her on his shoulders?

Teateaandmoretea · 24/08/2019 16:36

The thing is a 10-15 minutes walk is fine for us and fine for a child in a buggy but at age 4 that is quite far to walk and if you're regularly doing that maybe she IS tired.

Unless a 4 year old has a disability then they will be perfectly capable of walking for 10-15 minutes.

Goldensummer · 24/08/2019 16:37

I read a book called "The explosive child," which explained in detail the type of child I mean. It's in a different league to just being stubborn.

bananasplice · 24/08/2019 16:38

My ds complained about hurting knees and it turned out he had low vitamin D so might be worth considering, he was distracted when playing with friends.