AIBU to feel sad and judged about my relationship with my son

[JeanieAdriana]

My son is 12, he is very tall and big for his age and looks much older. He has ASD and is the kindest, most sensitive and loving son I could have hoped for. We call him our gentle giant.

When we are out in public he likes to hold my hand and stay close, he instigates this. I often see people look and stare, it’s as if they are trying to work out the relationship between us, no doubt some may think he is my toy boy!

We’ve just been out taking the dog for a walk. A man heard my son call me mum and actually said ‘he’s a bit old to be holding your hand isn’t he?’ I said ‘he’s only 12’. We carried on walking and I heard the woman with him muttering something about me ‘babying him’ and how it was ‘ridiculous to be holding his mums hand at his age’.

As I said this hand holding comes from my son, not me. Should I be trying to discourage it?

Ah no, he's only 12. Make the most of it.

"do you have to practice hard to be a twat or does it happen naturally"?. Should cover it next time...

I say just do your thing and be thick skinned about rude people’s comments. I have a tall 10 year old and intend to keep holding her hand until she know longer wants to. Try not to care what other people think or say and have courage in knowing what’s right for you and your son.

No. Definitely don't change something you're both OK with because of people with no relevance to your lives!

No. He sounds lovely fuck em

Wow. They were rude to actually voice their thoughts. How is it any of their business at all? Are they the hand holding police?
Nosy buggers.

I can't understand how people can begin to be arsed enough about strangera' lives to behave like this. It's RIDICULOUS. Shod have told the old git to go fuck himself.

Your relationship with your son is between you and him. No-one else's opinion matters.

You can’t control what other people think of you so you have to learn not not give a shit and crack on.

He has additional needs and if he wants to be close to you then what is that to do with anyone else. I have sn children and have had to grow a thick skin as people feel entitled to stare., tut etc . And at times i have been made to feel a failure as a parent by people's comments but not any more.
They have no clue so just ignore them .

Tell him to fuck right off the next time OP.

Oh just ignore the sexist twats. I used to hold my mum's hand sometimes at his age and nobody said anything.

Don't discourage it!

Ignore the people with opinions that honestly have no impact whatsoever on your lives. My own mother is/was needlessly preoccupied with outside opinion and it ruined our relationship. Don't make the same mistake please.

I’d ignore them

Dd holds my hand still and she is 17

Personally i think it's what yourself and your son are comfortable with doing.If he's happy to hold your hand and you are then why change it?

It's a shame that people have to be so judgemental and rude these days and think they have the god given right to comment on other peoples relationships with their children.

How do you think your son would react if you did try to discourage it?
He may even stop doing it himself some day.

Sorry i probably ain't help but it pisses me off that people can't keep their unwanted opinions to themselves these days,

Ah thanks everyone, I was beginning to feel a bit paranoid and that I wasn’t behaving appropriately!

I admit I secretly enjoy being wanted to the extent he wants to hold my hand, I know it probably won’t last much longer as he approaches adolescence.

I hold hands with my 13 year old when he lets me and my 11 year old all the time. Nothing wrong with it IMO

Ignore the people with opinions that honestly have no impact whatsoever on your lives. My own mother is/was needlessly preoccupied with outside opinion and it ruined our relationship. Don't make the same mistake please.

This, exactly. My mother is exactly the same. What Other People Would Think consumed our childhoods. Best wishes to you, OP -- just continue responding to your son's needs and be rightly proud of yourself for doing so.

mine is exactly the same - 12yo, 5 ft 7 & has ASD so is emotionally much younger - I just inwardly sigh, people are generally ignorant wankers unfortunately.

I'm always astounded by these rude fuckers who give unasked for opinions or advice to complete strangers.
Windydays response is perfect.

No absolutely you shouldn’t discourage your son from holding your hand. It’s a lovely thing i frequently unlovely world. Ignore any ridiculous comments. Some people feel compelled to comment on things that have nothing whatsoever to do with them and which aren’t affecting them in any way. They don’t deserve any headspace.

Let it wash over you, you’re very lucky to have such a tactile child, many parents would love to receive that kind of affection.

This makes me so sad. Of course you should let him hold your hand...and anyone who says otherwise can fuck right off! My big, hairy 13 year old still grabs my hand occasionally when we're out, and I love it...I can't fathom ever telling him he's too old, and soon enough, he won't want to anyway. Your boy sounds sweet and lovely...crack on, OP!

That’s so sad. I’d love to still have a hand hold at that age. I think it’s lovely.

What a dick. Try to ignore. I’ve often held hands with my mum when we are out shopping together and I’m in my thirties. If anyone has an opinion on that then I give zero fucks about it.

My NT 12yr old ds holds my hand sometimes when we're out.

They should be old and wise enough to keep their opinions to themselves. Twats.