AIBU to feel sad and judged about my relationship with my son

[JeanieAdriana]

My son is 12, he is very tall and big for his age and looks much older. He has ASD and is the kindest, most sensitive and loving son I could have hoped for. We call him our gentle giant.

When we are out in public he likes to hold my hand and stay close, he instigates this. I often see people look and stare, it’s as if they are trying to work out the relationship between us, no doubt some may think he is my toy boy!

We’ve just been out taking the dog for a walk. A man heard my son call me mum and actually said ‘he’s a bit old to be holding your hand isn’t he?’ I said ‘he’s only 12’. We carried on walking and I heard the woman with him muttering something about me ‘babying him’ and how it was ‘ridiculous to be holding his mums hand at his age’.

As I said this hand holding comes from my son, not me. Should I be trying to discourage it?

My ds is 15, taller than me and he is a pet.

He rang me from town earlier and as he hung up he said "love you" I said "I love you more" he said "I love you more than a big Mac"

And he does not give one shiny shit that his mates were there.

Hold your boys hand, why would you change what you both want and are happy with just to make other people more comfortable?

I was on the tube the other day and saw a German lad of about 14 or 15 pick up his Dad’s arm and put it around him, I thought it was bloody lovely!

My son with ASD is nearly 30, and he feels safer walking down the road holding hands. I suspect people may look at us, but I don't notice, or care. Please don't let anyone else bother you, they don't matter one single bit.

"do you have to practice hard to be a twat or does it happen naturally"?
Brilliant!

Mohair that's what my ds likes to do - it's awkward in our case because he's so much taller than me

My NT 10 year old is the same height as me and has always looked about 2 years older than he is.
From about 2 we got judgy looks when he behaved like a typical 2 year old and I seem to have spent far too much time saying “he’s only x you know!”
I will be happy and proud to hold his hand anytime he wants me to, and I still get lovely kisses and cuddles. He’s my youngest and his sister was never very demonstrative so I hope it doesn’t end too soon
Screw anyone who judges you OP

@JeanieAdriana I have a just 13 yr old ds who will still hold my hand, I think he does it sometimes without even realising! (He has ADD and I suspect is some where on the spectrum- his brother has Aspergers)
If it’s a crowded place or somewhere he’s not entirely familiar with he will always hold my hand.
I do wonder what others might say but I dont care. So long as he feels safe and feels happy to hold on to me it’s fine.
It’s people like the ones who shouted at you who make people who need to change their attitude and not have bullying attitudes.

@Newschapter i hope ny son grows up to be like that !!

Op dont ever stop doing what feels good to you and your ds. Other people judge the book by its cover but you know exactly which chapter you are writing.

My son was massive as a toddler and I used to get disapproving looks when he was in his pushchair or - even worse - I carried him. It's really annoying but I think your son's affection is worth far more than a stranger's confused look or judgemental comment. It might not last much longer so make the most of it.

My 12yo is 6ft 2, when we're out with my 16mo I sometimes wonder if people question whether she's mine, his or heaven forbid ours (probably not this as I definitely look my age).
It seems such a shame that people are judging your boy

My 16 YO DD (who is often mistaken for a boy) holds my hand in public often.

I assume that anyone who judges does so because they don't have a great relationship with their own children and is secretly jealous,

I think it is so lovely you and your son have such a special close relationship.Head up and smile at the world OP...it matters not one iota what anyone thinks...

Do what your son and you need to do, and everyone else can suck it up, frankly.
My dgd is seven, and tall. Also ASD. She sometimes comes to give me a kiss (she's never been encouraged to kiss anyone, it's purely from choice) and her mouth is just about my chest height, so I get a kiss on the breast. There have been some 'looks'. She's hardly out of babyhood and I have no intention of stopping her.
I've held hands in the street with my ASD daughter (37) recently, too. We are as we are. If other people can't cope, that's their problem.

Absolutely no business of his OP, and your DS sounds lovely. You carry on, most people wouldn't see anything wrong with it.

My kids are on the spectrum too, a regular mantra here is 'people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind'.

Ignore the haters. Ds is 13, 6”1’ and still holds my hand from time to time. The comments from people who have always thought he was older than he was have happened since he was a toddler. I did once call someone an old bag for her comment

What, really? I sometimes hold hands with my 11 year old daughter because we both like it. Why would anyone think it odd?

I agree @Rufusthebewilderedreindeer - my daughter is 21 and NT (no SN) and sometimes she'll hold my hand when we're out , sometimes because she doesn't think I can cross the road safely but sometimes because we're just happy to be together. I never instigate hand holding but I feel happy when she does.

Some people very rude and lacking in intuitive insight

Also they're twats

My eldest is 10 and has autism, and he very often wants to hold my hand when we are out and about. I love the fact that he is affectionate and caring, please do not give one solitary shit what people say, it has absolutely naff all to do with anyone else.

If anyone thinks it's inappropriate for a mother to hold their sons hand that says a hell of a lot more about them than the people holding hands.

The only opinion I’d care about in this scenario is my Son’s.

He’s a dick. Pure and simple. He’s also a shit parent. A parent’s job is to make their kids feel loved and secure. My DS is 16 and 6ft tall and sometimes holds my hand in crowds “so you don’t get lost Mum”. We both know different but would never say.

When I was little my DM was constantly telling me how rude it was to point at people and 'make remarks'.

It is a great shame that either other people weren't taught this basic lesson in good manners or they were and have forgotten it.

I have an extremely tall 15 year old who has to hold my hand for the safety of him and others ( he has severe autism and learning difficulties).
We do get the odd comment but I'm pretty quick to put them in there place!
The worse is from old people who have to give me their opinion about how he shouldn't be using the disabled toilets!!!

Awww my giant 15 yr old son was cuddled up to me last night on the sofa holding my hand and needing a mummy cuddle!
Admittedly he wouldn’t in public, but can totally see why your son does need and want this reassurance.

My 11yo DD and I hold hands and never had any reaction. I suppose it’s because he’s a boy? People are pathetic! Enjoy him wanting to!

My DM actually had something to say about my middle child holding my hand when she was 10! She was told that my DD was welcome to hold my hand until she was 25 if she wanted and to keep her opinions to herself in future. I think it's cute that your DS is so loving OP and the people who comment are beyond rude and should mind their own fucking business.