To say either we get a cleaner or I work part time

[Boules]

Am due to move in with DP in the next few weeks. He works long hours from home and only really cleans and tidies when the house gets to quite a disgusting level, then will blitz the whole thing. I prefer to keep stuff tidy and clean, not to an obsessive level but so that it’s pleasant to be in. He hates cleaning (obviously I love it ) and just will not do it on a day to day basis, I’m not naive enough to think this will ever change. I’ve said to him that when I move in either we will have to get a cleaner or I will work part time and do the cleaning on the other days I would have worked. AIBU?

There's only so much a cleaner can do, and as I am sure many others have said, they often don't tidy up, you'd have to get someone who was willing to tidy before they cleaned, and pay for the extra time.

Or, you will be tidying and sorting before each session, and since your partner won't pick up, literally about 4 hours after the cleaner has gone, it'll turn back into a shitpit. And that's even more the case since he is in the house all day to really create a mess.

He is perfectly within his rights to live in this way as a single person on his own. But sounds like he will never, ever lift a finger to help, and you will be doing all the housework, every day. So you will be the one compromising.

Don't underestimate how fucking infuriating it is to clean up after someone else who can't be arsed. Or how resentful people who hate cleaning get when it's suggested to them they sort it out.

Cleaners don't do daily cleaning, they do a weekly deep clean (well, hoover, dust, proper clean of the bathrooms). You and your partner have to do daily cleaning. A cleaner will not solve his reluctance to do daily cleaning, you have to solve that with him before moving in unless you basically want to be his cleaner.

If it's his house and you're just lodging there (no ownership rights) then it's definitely down to him to hire and pay for a cleaner. You need to put savings aside for your own future benefit so definitely do not go part-time and tell him to sort out a cleaner.

Men are usually most accommodating at the beginning of a relationship so if he's not amenable, don't move in.

Cleaner and split the bill.

Presumably you either don't like your job or you don't want to move in with him, because going part-time in these circumstances is a ridiculous idea.

You are in fact saying that you'll reduce your earning to clean up after your boyfriend. Say it out loud and you'll realise. Cleaning is something everyone who lives in the house helps with, personally if it was that bad you'd have to work part time To clean? I wouldn't go near it with a barge pole.

I wouldn't jeopardise my career and lose pension to clean for a partner. If it's annoying before you've even moved in you may want to reconsider unless he's prepared to change

Don’t move in with him. He’s a lazy sod and you’ll end up waiting on him.
Don’t give up full time work - you’ll disadvantage yourself in every way.
Don’t pay for a cleaner - it’s his house, he should pay.
Remind me why you’re moving in - is he great in bed?

Get a cleaner, but split the cost with him.
But if he is just Mr Lazy Pants what happens if you have kids together? Do you then do all the childcare or maybe get a nanny?

Will your PARTNER ie not HUSBAND give up any of his pension if you split up and you’ve lost out on loads of contributions to keep his house clean? Nope, doubt it yet he’s had the benefit of a nice tidy house. You’re a fool to even consider this.

Get a cleaner.

My DH periodically suggests getting a cleaner. (He works ft , i work pt 25 hours) He very rarely does any cleaning, and most days drops his clothes wherever he takes them off, whether that be socks in the lounge , or the rest of his clothes in our bedroom. I know a cleaner wouldn't (and shouldn't) pick up his stuff and i would still end up doing it so I'd rather save the money!

Wowsers.
You have set the bar low OP.

Don't move in with this pig.

Will he tidy up with clear surfaces for a cleaner to do their work.
If they can't clean much it's hardly cost efficient nor will it get the job done.
We don't have one for this reason, we'd spend a day cleaning for them to be able to do anything

Tell him you wont move in until he proves be can live like an adult. And mean it.

Skinny

Sounds like you're the free maid, why pay for a cleaner when he has you on tap, you're a mug.

It kind of seems like you’re looking for an excuse to scale back on work OP. At least wait until your married (but I’d urge you not to even then)

I'm a bit of a let things build up then blitz person myself and I think you should not get a cleaner or go part time. You are basically letting him off the hook when he used to do the cleaning but in a disorganised way. Set out a cleaning rota that allows for his preference of blitzing and yours of being more organised. So you will do your share in little and often and he does his as a blitz when he has a couple of hours free. Between you it should be easy to keep things nice.

There is no way I would move into the house of someone who is a disgusting slob. There is also no way I would reduce my own earnings and imperil my career progression to do domestic drudgework for someone else. Are you quite mad, OP?

Do not work part time to clean up after him. Get a cleaner or dont move in. Make sure you get enough hours

You’ll end up being a live in housekeeper with a reduced salary and earning potential. Does he own this house as well? If so, You’ll be adding value to it too if you keep it nice whilst possibly not owning your own property.

What are his good points? I think you are fundamentally incompatible and moving in with him will end in tears and possibly with you being financially much worse off. Don't burn your bridges.

Don't move in, seriously don't.

Yes, getting a cleaner is the way forward if your determined to move in with him.

I wouldn't choose to loose earnings to clean up the house, if he can't see it as an issue now, I doubt he ever will, which is fine if he is living alone or with someone who doesn't mind filth.

I think, even with a cleaner this would grate on me and in time cause problems. And it wouldn't be his fault at that point as you moved in knowing he had set his stall out already as a bit of a messy one.

Cleaners don't tidy. He works from home and is fine living like a disgusting pig in his own house. This is who he is. The stupidest thing in the world a person can do is move into someone else's house as a live in bedwarmer and housekeeper who also pays the other person's bills.