I don’t want a termination

[SAC1991]

I have been on the pill since getting with my partner a year ago (friends for many years before this). Yesterday I got a positive pregnancy test, we had both said there was things we wanted to do before having a baby. A part of me was and still is happy about the positive, if accidental, test. I can’t say the same for him. We spent yesterday arguing about it and he is absolutely adamant that we are not going ahead with this pregnancy. We both work but are by no means well off and this is his reasoning for wanting a termination. I just don’t know what to do, I’m in absolute turmoil. I don’t want to lose him but I’ve always said I would never abort a baby.

Your relationship is doomed now, there’s no coming back from this.

If you keep the baby, even if he comes around to the idea, you’ll always remember he’ll wanted you to abort. It’s poison. It will read it’s head every time you have a parenting disagreement.

If you have it and he leaves you’ll be struggling to get any support from him.

If you have an abortion against your will how could you forgive him?

I’m 100% pro-choice. As early as possible, as late as necessary.

In your situation (not wanting an abortion and having a dick for a partner) I’d have the baby, dump him and claim maintenance but have no reasonable hope of support.

Personally I’d probably have the abortion and dump him because I’d only want children a responsible person and not some controlling arsehole I’d be tied to forever. But I’d find it hard,

If you want to go travelling (together or alone) you can’t do that easily with a baby. You will not have the same opportunities to visit the same things and have the same kind of travelling experience as if you didn’t have a baby with you. Neither is right or wrong, just different.

I had a termination in my early twenties and travelled when I was 26, I didn’t have my first child until I was 35. Those were absolutely the right decisions for me.

They may/may not be for you (and some of it is guesswork for the future as to how things pan out)

I've taken a baby backpacking around Sri Lanka and a toddler around Morocco. They do have children in these foreign countries, you know. Do not terminate a wanted baby because of a spineless man.

This happened to me and we had actually been trying for a baby for a year. We hadn’t been getting on and he threw a massive wobbler and wanted me to have a termination. I refused. We bumbled on. He came round quite a bit at the scan and absolutely fell in love when our baby was born.

I’m not going to lie, it changed how I felt about him in a way that I will never quite get over. The trust and sense of security was gone. We’ve been together nearly 30 years, he’s a very good man and I do really love him. But not like I did before it happened.

You can travel with a baby, all of you, or either one. Or one can stay home with baby while the other one travels.
He's being a dick but give it a few days for both of you to think about it. Then do what you want to do, because you have to deal with the consequences.

To be honest it doesn’t matter what anyone on this thread says. He doesn’t want a baby so chances are you’ll be a single mother and he’ll pay a minimal amount with probably little to no contact. That’s the reality so it’s up to you whether you prefer that option to abortion.