Aibu on flight

[perroy]

I was on an plane today. Family of four were travelling. One child with father in the seat in front of me and mother with another child in the seat behind me. Children were shouting, beeping a fictitious horn, making motor noises all through the flight. The parents were tickling them and making them squeal with laughter. It was a plane full of children and this family was noisy throughout the flight. All the other children had settled down in some time.

After the fifth time the child with the mother had got up on his seat and squealed in my ear I turned around and said SSSh quiet to the child.

The mother used profanities, showed me the finger and told me her child was only two.

Was I wrong to address the child when the parents were not taking any efforts to settle the children?

You were unreasonable. She was entertaining a two year old on a flight, it’s not easy. What do you suggest she should have done? Was the sound of a child’s laughter really so intolerable for you?! What a grump! I’d be seething if a stranger told me child to be quiet and didn’t have the respect or manners to ask me instead, especially if I was doing a good job of entertaining my toddler on the flight and had no physical way of forcing them to be silent due to their age. You were very VERY unreasonable and I’d probably have had je same reaction as her too.

You were not rude OP. Whats the world coming to when you cant even say ssshhhh

My first plan, and I've honestly done this, is offer to switch seats. Much better to have toddler behind it's own father so he can enjoy their behaviour.

It's incumbent on all parents to try to manage their kids behaviour in close confines such as a flight. With an SN kid, you do have to work harder, it's really hard and sometimes it's futile and the inevitable happens. I get that, I have to manage it myself, and when I can see another parent in that boat I'll sympathise and remember there but by the grace go I.

Then there are parents whose child management on a plane is just bad. There's no excuses, they've had prior knowledge to prepare, they haven't considered the impact to fellow travellers and their needs. If a parents idea that of child management in a plane is shrieking, loud noises, seat and tray banging and running up the aisles they are simply wrong. When pushed, people do not always react in their best way and I think that's what happened here. The parent of that child was always only going to have one reaction though.

YWNBU OP, I bet you wish you hadn't had to react at all, and you're a braver woman than me.

YANBU.
If a child was standing up on their seat squealing then I'm pretty sure, after the 5th squeal, I would shush them too. I'd probably do it before then actually.

The parent should have shushed the child themselves and had respect for other passengers. Kids squealing can be ear-splitting. The mother's reaction and swearing in front of their child shows what a poor specimen of a parent they are.

This parent knew her child doesn't like being restrained and would kick off at having to put on their seat belt on. Knowing it would have to be worn for take-off, landing and possible turbulence, if they can't prevent the child from kicking off then they shouldn't take their child on a plane until they are older and have outgrown this behaviour.

"I think the OP was rude, not for addressing the child but in the way she chose to do it. If it was an adult she’d have used some words, like, “could you be a bit quieter please”, or “you are shouting in my ear”, the problem here is she chose to be rude and shhhhh at her."
That is a very good point actually. I suppose it does depend on how it's done. A PP, the lady in the quiet carriage of a train, put her fingers to her lips and said sssh to someone which worked.

A harsh shush without the fingers to the lips might sound a bit more rude but sometimes a short sharp shock is what unruly undisclipined children need.

She did not tell him off , the OP just told him Shussh .

Christ alive, as others have said, no wonder there are so many brats around.
As for the mother, well, OP showed far more restraint than I would have done at such an uncouth woman .

I have, however, been slightly in the mothers position when my 18 month old daughter hated the flight from London to Spain . It is embarrassing and I done all I could . Its horible for all in such a confined space as an airplane. If somebody had simply told my DD to Shussh I wouldn't have kicked off at all . It was a long time ago though and nowdays many are so precious

I’ve only read to page 2 but nobody’s brought out the “How do you know the DCs don’t have SN??” line yet 😁

I am usually massively intolerant of kids on planes and would definitely have done more than say shhhhhhh, Having grandchidren has made me try to be more chilled. On a flight recently the kid behind was very cute, chattering away to his Dad but constantly kicking my seat. OH coud see me getting more and more irritated and when I eventually turned round he was dreading me being rude. What I actually said was "Please could you ask your sone to stop kicking my seat as it is driving me mad" All kicking stopped. Result. As we stood to get off I turned around and could see the Dad thinking "Oh no, grumpy lady is going to moan again" I actually said "Thanks ever so much for stopping the kicking - I really enjoyed the rest of the flight". I think OH thought I had been abducted by aliens and replaced with a relica

It would drive me nuts too but sometimes you have to suck it up, time and place. On, presumably, an holiday flight full of families, unfortunately there will always be some who don’t know how to consider other people.

@OpheliaTodd oh yes. They already have brought that up, went up in flames as predicted

You bring it up with the parents not that child especially a 2 year old who doesn't know any better

Ahhh this explains the dentist's waiting room the other day.

45 minutes I had to sit and listen to some kid screech and run around shouting to his dad, grandma and uncle. I could have cried.

Well, I did. I also tried to rearrange my appointment so I could leave. No dice.

Why should I be the one having to change a much needed appointment because they weren't even attempting to calm the child?

As a Pp said, it's about effort not ability.

Had the adults been trying to calm the child (he was happy, not distressed) I'd have coped a lot better with it, probably engaged with the kid myself. As it was, it turned an already awful experience into a full on trauma.

especially if I was doing a good job of entertaining my toddler on the flight and had no physical way of forcing them to be silent due to their age

For god’s sake, the parents weren’t doing a good job at entertaining them. The child was being immensely disruptive to the OP by shrieking 5 times in her ear. That’s not doing a good job! That’s allowing them to behave as they like with no regard for those around them.
The OP wasn’t complaining that the child should have been silent- she was complaining firstly that the parents allowed the shrieking and secondly that the mother reacted in a disgusting way which again shows a complete disregard for other people.
Not liking a child shrieking in your ear 5 times is NOT the same as demanding silence 😂
As a PP said, mothers of little brats really showing themselves on this thread!

Unless you’re just here to blow off some mother-hating steam...
The mother swore repeatedly at the OP and made excuses as to why her child was shrieking rather than apologising to the OP. Excuses excuses- just purely lazy parenting. ‘I’m alright, Jack’.

The parents didn’t try and encourage them to play quietly unlike every other parent on the flight whose children did calm down and didn’t disrupt the whole flight. Why? Because they were inconsiderate twats.

Maybe the abuse the OP got from the mother and the fact the parents encouraged the loud noise throughout the entire flight should be your focus rather than a simple and subtle ‘shh’.

Are you always so precious and such a do-gooder that you defend all mothers even when they are entirely undeserving? Even when they’re in the wrong?

You bring it up with the parents not that child especially a 2 year old who doesn't know any better

She only said 'Shhh'. It's not like she told the child off

If my child, with or without SN, was clearly being a noisy nuisance to another passenger, I would be apologising LONG BEFORE the other passenger had cause to complain. An apology goes a long way to defuse and appease the situation. I’ve been on planes and had an apology from a parent for much less than this eg a child just being very chatty!! It does help other passengers to feel less annoyed. Especially if the parent says to the child something like “I think you need to lower your voice a little, other people might be trying to read/snooze”

If he DID have SN, I would say “I’m really sorry about the noise, he has autism” or whatever. Any reasonable adult would understand this. I’m sure OP would have understood this and I doubt she’d have come on here to moan about it.

Anyway, some airlines give kids with SN a lanyard or something so that other passengers and staff are aware that their behaviour may be out of the ordinary and they need more understanding. Sometimes that means they are allowed on the plane first or are seated where they have less people around them than in other seats.

I’m pretty sure that this is not an example of a SN melt down situation! Come on, Siberian, you must realise this.

The other thing is, those who thing no adult has the right to admonish your kid. I work in a secondary school and would bet good money that your kid is going to be that mouthy bratty teenager who tells teachers “who are you to tell me what to do?”. And who goes to the toilet to phone their mum to complain about the way they’ve been treated. Then their mum marches up to the school to complain and swear at the poor reception staff. Happens all the time these days in some schools with kids who have stupid and short-sighted parents. Eventually, it comes back to bite those parents on the bum because eventually they don’t even want to do what their parent tells them and they’re telling the PARENT “who are you to tell me what to do?” and then running off to the local woods to hang round with their equally badly-behaved mates being anti social to everyone.

I work in a secondary school and would bet good money that your kid is going to be that mouthy bratty teenager who tells teachers “who are you to tell me what to do?”. And who goes to the toilet to phone their mum to complain about the way they’ve been treated

100000% this entire post

Why are so many posters making up completely different scenarios to th one the OP describes ?

habibi - the child in the video clip.

Aw bless.

How lovely see a child working off excess energy and not just sitting down with an iPad.

And how good of the parents to manage her behaviour this way to stop her screaming

And the man in front- well, it’s an occupational hazard of flying and if he doesn’t like, he shouldn’t fly or fly only in first class

@Aridane I have to assume you’re joking?

Having your seat pulled is not “an occupational hazard” of flying economy. It’s rude and entitled on behalf of the parents. Why should s-o else’s child negatively impact his life? That’s a genuine question if you don’t mind providing your reasoning (assuming you’re serious which I can’t really believe you are).

The sheer amount of numpties that take the view that having to endure completely obnoxious behaviour is simply an occupational hazard of leaving your house is frightening.

If the parent is making no effort to quieten a child then perfectly reasonable to complain. Just a question of whether to child or parent.

In a way you are helping the parent.

Whether it is a budget airline or not makes no difference.

@BoDear - I was endeavouring to be humorous and see if I could outdo even some of the more ridiculous posts on this thread by trying to defend the clearly indefensible!

The fact that no one copped it tells you all you need to know about the fucking madness on this thread, Aridane!!