TO feel fed up with toddler and life!

[Helpmelmaooo]

Just feel on my last nerve at the moment and wondering if anyone else is going through similar
I know this is all normal but my toddler drives me crazy and sometimes I find myself infuriated! Her dad works away Monday-Friday so it’s just me and her together all week, she’s only 20 months so no nursery yet either and can’t afford to put her in privately.
Every 5 minutes she is climbing on my kitchen counter top, getting in the sink and throwing all the stuff off the draining board onto the floor (luckily no smashed yet). Then she can’t get back down so will scream til I give her a lift down then climbs straight back up. When she’s not doing that she is going through cupboards and drawers. I’m trying to conceive my second at the moment and getting seriously fed up as it hasn’t happened yet after 6 months and it just seems like every time I try and do something my toddler decides to throw a tantrum (for example this morning I was doing a pregnancy test and I couldn’t look at it in the time frame because my child decided to climb up my drawers and actually rip one off which then fell on her foot so I had to deal with that).
To top all of this off, every single night without fail she wakes up to come into my bed shortly (2 hours) after I go to sleep then proceeds to spend 4 hours jumping on my head and pulling my hair (I refuse to get up and take her downstairs at 2am). I’m just feeling so run down all the time bevause I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me. Today she also got hold of a packet of spaghetti and scattered it all over the floor and I had to spend ages picking it all up while she repeatedly tried to empty the packet again. I try to get her out at least every other day but I can’t afford to take her on days out every day.
All in all I’m tired, I’m fed up, I’m run down, I’m sick of not being pregnant and sometimes I feel like I hate my toddler
Just to clarify I love my little girl to pieces and I would never display all of this in front of her.

I have a 23 month old so can relate, but she sounds bored. She would really benefit from getting out every day and socialising with other kids.

Agree that she sounds bored. My DD is 22 months and is a nightmare if not kept busy. Also, am I reading correctly that she climbs up onto the worktops? Stuff like that, if you don't want her doing it, stop her when she starts, move her away and distract her. My DD would love to flush the toilet every 2 minutes and empty the kitchen cupboards all the time. I don't want her to so I physically move her away and give her something else to do.

If you're stuck in what about a bath just for play in the middle of the day? I had an accident a couple of months ago and couldn't go out and we did a lot of this and DD loved it. I feel for you, this age is tough.

I was going to ask if you could take her out. All the issues you are describing sound domestic. When DS was that age we went out a LOT.

Can she “help” you with the housework or gardening?

Forgot to say that we have to go out daily so I don't lose my mind. DD absolutely LOVES going on the bus. She doesn't care where but its her favourite thing ever. Could you bus to a park or walk to post a letter? Lots of the children's centres near here are doing summer activities that are free because the toddler groups stop over the holidays. How about giving her a bowl of water and a paint brush to paint the patio or fence? Buy some chalk for outside too.

Honestly you need to tire her out. My youngest is 3.5 and she was exactly the same. Now shes in nursery full time admittedly shes so much better and is in bed for 6.30 on weekdays but on weekends I still struggle with her. Can you try getting out to the local park? even just some green space somewhere, take some outdoor toys or a football and just let her run some energy off? Its really hard when they don't sleep

I'm going to be harsh I'm afraid! Part if this is your doing. She's still young enough you can teach her quite quickly, she isn't allowed to climb up into your worktop, or go in the cupboards. I needed the toddler in the kitchen with me to cook so I gave him a small kitchen cupboard which was 'his' And put tupperware in it. He knows he can't open any others. I give him bits of fusilli to put in and out if his tupperware....a little mess but not much and keeps him busy while I work. Simple little things but.you have to draw lines now and decide what is and isn't acceptable for her to do or you will have a tough ride.

Nice weather, can you take her to a park each morning to play and burn off energy? The more they run the easier life is!

You've been at work all week too, make sure DH steps up at the weekend and you get at least a couple of hours to yourself.

Stress big deal breaker for getting pregnant, sounds like you are stressed. Talk to your OH get him to help more.

Also I would tell her from tonigjt she is staying in her room all nigjt, don't change it. Again she knows you cave at the moment and what she can get away with. It's the weekend, OH can help you surely? I used to work 14 hour days in a stressful job, toddlers are harder and more tiring.

Try to get out more-garden or park
Children’s centres run groups over the holidays
Get a playpen and make some boxes up we use shoeboxes fill them with interesting things (crayons paper, a new toy, we put kitchen bits in like wooden egg cups etc anything safe to play with) and a little pack of raisins or similar
Put in playpen with the box and you’ll get 20-30 mins to sit and have a coffee

I find on the day we are inside all day, by 4pm we are both at the end of our tether. A walk to the park or into the town really does make a difference and helps burn off some excess energy. Our library does free storytelling or rhyme time each week for free, maybe your local one does too?

We don’t spend lots and always try and do the free things!

Hi op,I feel for you.
Your eh needs to take one day at the weekend and get up early allowing you to lie in.
The getting into your bed needs to stop.perhaps start this when dh is home to back you up.
Speak to health visitor about community playground you can join for free.
Go to the library they have activities.
Take her to the park,let her wear herself out.d
Tell your eh you need some me time,even if it's to go to the hair salon,go swimming,for coffee,so you can be you again,not mummy.
And remember,you're doing a wonderful job of an extremely demanding task of raising your beautiful daughter.

Sorry realise that sounded preachy, didn't mean to, I've made a million mistakes which I wish someone had warned me about and theyve cost me a lot of sleep and a lot of mess! Meant to be helpful, so sorry if it came across wrong

How you gonna cope with a toddler and a baby? Harsh but you gotta focus on the one you currently have as these things won’t magically disappear when a new baby comes. In fact I found it gets worst as they want more of your attention then.

Could you go back to work? Even if all of your salary goes towards childcare, you might find it:

1. Less tiring
2. More interesting and intellectually stimulating
3. Less isolating
4. Toddler gets tired out more during the day and sleeps better
5. She might find it more exciting than being at home!

Yep - you have to take her out.
Its the only way to make her tired.

You probably already have them but if not invest in some child locks for your cupboards!! Worth their weight in gold. I have a special stool with a little rail around the top so my son can stand and be at the same height at the kitchen counter and 'help' with cooking. Or washing up. (Even if all he does is eat the food I'm chopping up and swish his hands around in the bowl of water.)
Be strict with her, tell her 'no, you do not climb on things' etc and keep telling her and stopping her until she gives up....she will eventually. A few days work now will be worth it in the long run.
Other than that, toddlers are fucking hard work and are specially designed to test the most patient person. Try and keep calm as much as you can and know that this stage will pass. Hopefully before you pull all your hair out. Don't try and reason with her, just ignore tantrums and praise good behaviour. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for every day you get through. Massive hugs from am equally exhausted mama xxx

My DD is almost 20 months too. Child locks on the cupboards. Honestly, it's just easier than saying no all the time. Give her a cupboard she's allowed in to (Tupperware, dry pasta, her bowls etc) and let her have at it. Agree with others that she's bored - mine is a nightmare if she doesn't get some exercise so come rain or shine we're at the park most days or in the garden. Also rotate her toys so she gets something she hasn't played with in ages when she gets bored. Don't let her climb up on the worktop - pick her off and put her on the floor with a firm "no, you could hurt yourself". Every time. Eventually she'll stop trying.

You say she's coming into your room at night - was she climbing out of her cot? Personally I'd put a stair gate over her bedroom door but there are lots of methods out there for returning toddlers to bed in the night - if it's stopping you from sleeping, don't give in.

Also, your DH should be helping more. Work is way easier than taking care of a toddler. Personally I wouldn't conceive another child until I was getting the support I needed with the first but that's your decision.

It really is a difficult age and very tiring. My 2 year old is a terrible sleeper so I really feel your pain.

My first thought is that most of the stress seems kitchen related - can you put a stair gate across the kitchen door so she can't access the room anymore?

It sounds like she currently has an in/out learning schema so it might help to provide toys/activities that facilitate this, for example a tissue box filled with different fabrics that she can pull out and put back in.

This is an exhausting stage especially if you have a climber.

You need to get out of the house. It's critical. Even a long walk is a break from the supervision. Find local playgrounds and visit every day. You might meet nice Mum's too, that would be an emotional support to you.

Assign some toys for outside and let her play out there.
Give her an old spray bottle and fill it with water and a rag to clean windows doors etc, spray plants.
Google easy activities.
But whenever you feel you have had enough, straight into the buggy for a long walk to give your head a break. Maybe download a nice podcast for yourself so that the walk is a nice head break for you too.

Make sure you pick up some Wellington Boots and light rain gear for the winter months so that you can get out in all weather. The likes of Aldi and Lidl do them and they are great to have.

Also try putting her back in her bed more, you need your sleep.

I know it's so hard when they are small but you need to try a little discipline re climbing up and screaming.
She needs to learn the word No. And know that you mean it.

You have my sympathy. It can be very, very hard when you are on your own and no-one is coming into give you a break.

Lastly, see if you can source cheap toddler groups to join. They can be an absolute life saver.

Best of luck. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

I would go out every day to free places, the park, the woods etc. If it has been raining you can go puddle jumping. Does your library do a music session (rhyme time, bounce and rhyme etc) as they are usually free. Church toddler groups are often cheap too.

Toddler here too and they need to run a lot. Dd can cover a whole park pretty much just running from one part to the next

We do have to go out every day

Of course you can afford to take her out every day. Particularly in summer. A walk in a park, a trip to the playground don't cost anything. My first Dd was a climber and active and I had to bring her out every day. Multiple times a day.

I was also going to say she sounds bored. Get out and about.
Also shes not too young for some basic discipline. If she gets up on the counter and throws stuff around, what do you do? Could you try something like counting to 5, naughty step or removal of a treat?

Well, your DH could contribute by spending a half day one weekend adding child locks, stair gates, moving every grabbable higher up etc. Then tackle the sleeping. Consider a nursery day and use it to sleep!

Another one with a 21 month old who climbs! Like others have said, we have to go out every day or she climbs the walls (or draws on them.) I am 16 weeks pregnant with number 2 and I have to say this pregnancy has been so much harder. I had no sickness with my daughter but this time I’ve felt awful and had migraines. It’s very hard with a toddler who is such a handful. I get so many comments about needing eyes in the back of my head - my parents watched her for me for an hour on Saturday whilst I took dh somewhere and they lost her!! They have a huge house and garden but still..! And they raised 4 kids but said none of us were as bad as her. I feel your pain. But getting out is the only answer as I have to tire her out.

My life is made unbelievably easier by having a DH who gets up with her every morning and alternates bedtimes and takes over when he walks through the door most days. He has never used the excuse of being too tired from work because he has had her on his own and knows how much more exhausting looking after a small child can be.

I am sorry to say this as it sounds rude but that is utter bollocks about your partner needing a rest. When do you rest? If he is away 5 nights a week I presume he doesn’t have a small person climbing on him in those nights?? He gets unbroken sleep...what about you?? Your daughter is half his responsibility it is utterly unfair for it to be on you all the time. And I would seriously not even consider having another child with him unless that changed. I’m sorry to sound so harsh but it drives me mad when I hear women say “but he has to go to work” as if childcare is not bloody exhausting work too!

Could you get part time work? Without my two days a week I would go absolutely nuts, it keeps me sane.

Sending you my sympathies any way, OP, this is a million times harder than I ever imagined it would be x

Some of this sounds like a supervision and lack of attention thing. All kids will go a bit ferral if given the chance but climbing on the kitchen surfaces should have been stopped. She also seems quite young to be roaming at night. I only took mine out the cot bed at 3. She was a pain in the arse at that age but would have been terrible at 1.

She does sound like she’s acting up because she’s bored and overtired. How is she napping?

I always found being out of the house much easier. I think they go a bit stir crazy and destructive if they’re inside all day at that age.