TO feel fed up with toddler and life!

[Helpmelmaooo]

Just feel on my last nerve at the moment and wondering if anyone else is going through similar
I know this is all normal but my toddler drives me crazy and sometimes I find myself infuriated! Her dad works away Monday-Friday so it’s just me and her together all week, she’s only 20 months so no nursery yet either and can’t afford to put her in privately.
Every 5 minutes she is climbing on my kitchen counter top, getting in the sink and throwing all the stuff off the draining board onto the floor (luckily no smashed yet). Then she can’t get back down so will scream til I give her a lift down then climbs straight back up. When she’s not doing that she is going through cupboards and drawers. I’m trying to conceive my second at the moment and getting seriously fed up as it hasn’t happened yet after 6 months and it just seems like every time I try and do something my toddler decides to throw a tantrum (for example this morning I was doing a pregnancy test and I couldn’t look at it in the time frame because my child decided to climb up my drawers and actually rip one off which then fell on her foot so I had to deal with that).
To top all of this off, every single night without fail she wakes up to come into my bed shortly (2 hours) after I go to sleep then proceeds to spend 4 hours jumping on my head and pulling my hair (I refuse to get up and take her downstairs at 2am). I’m just feeling so run down all the time bevause I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me. Today she also got hold of a packet of spaghetti and scattered it all over the floor and I had to spend ages picking it all up while she repeatedly tried to empty the packet again. I try to get her out at least every other day but I can’t afford to take her on days out every day.
All in all I’m tired, I’m fed up, I’m run down, I’m sick of not being pregnant and sometimes I feel like I hate my toddler
Just to clarify I love my little girl to pieces and I would never display all of this in front of her.

If she wants to be at the sink, pull a chair up and let her 'wash up', agree with giving her a cupboard of her own to pull out and play. Rotate toys so they are new and interesting. Don't have too many out at one go. Get her to help with the house work, mine loves to dust and wipe the house down, load the washing machine and hoover.

Go for walks, even around the block, have her push a push along toy, pop to the shop to pick up an apple for lunch, find every toddler group, library story time and play session you can. Keep her mentally and physically active but focused and it will help her to seem less of a whirlwind.

My dd was like this. Very active and very curious. Wanted to know about everything, wanted to climb everything. Outside, she would just run off. It was hard!

Take her to parks where she can run free, take her for walks, give her craft stuff to do, give her chores like wiping down the cupboard doors.

How is she getting onto the work tops.if it's from the chairs move the chairs elsewhere and just return two at meal times.
In the house of tiny tearaways (tv prog of the 00s) the small child was calmly returned to bed 39 Times when they climbed in with DM. By the third day the getting up out of bed prob was cured.
Also use audible or radio 4 or radio 4 extra and listen to a really good book whilst painting/ play doh I gotta or whatever with DD.
And go out a lot.

Stop trying to conceive!

Stop trying to conceive!

This. Go back to work for a bit and get your life back.

Your poor daughter sounds bored and restless and like she is doing this for attention. She needs more stimulation. You need to take her out. Just for a big long walk to wear her out if needs be!! Look into local play groups. Soft play centres by us usually have free or cheap days in the school holidays. If you're staying home with her you need a load of structured activities to keep her entertained.

At her age I think you're expecting a bit too much from her not to get into things. You need a stair gate on the kitchen door to keep her out of it. And a stair gate on her bedroom door if she's coming into your room at night.

Yes, I've been there with DS1, it is exhausting! You need a break. Is there anyone who could help out so you can get a rest?
Why are you trying to get pregnant now while you are struggling so much? It doesn't seem like that would be good for you. I got pregnant by accident at this age and it was awful, including a year of post natal anxiety trying to juggle toddler and newborn. :-(
But for now, cupboard locks would help. We have stick on ones from Amazon which work well for DS2 who has special needs.
Of course you need to take her out every day; but not on "days out"! Just a toddle round the block, play at the park, play date at friends house, invite a friend to yours. If you don't know anyone else with a toddler get along to church or children centre play groups. Nearly every church has one.
And a bit of CBeebies, Baby Bum or the Wiggles doesn't hurt.

Toddlers aren't naughty, OP. They're testing their boundaries and right now you aren't giving her many. You can't just say no - she doesn't really know what that means. You have to remove her from whatever she's doing until she stops trying to do it. That means taking her off the worktop and saying "no, we don't climb on the worktops, you could get hurt" and putting her down. Then distract her with something else. And you have to do that again and again and again until she stops doing it. She will eventually. Also you must get her out the house, it sounds like she has a lot of energy to burn off. Let her run around in the garden if you have one, if not take her to the nearest park and let her tire herself out. Then make sure she's getting enough sleep and isn't overtired because that also makes toddlers more challenging. And nine times out of ten when toddlers play up its because they want more of your attention. If I look at my phone too long my daughter will start doing things she knows she's not supposed to, because she wants me to be present with her and not be ignoring her. I'm all for kids learning to play independently but they do also need your undivided attention when you can give it.

Please don't tap her hand. All she's learning from that is that it's okay to hit other people.

Have you read any parenting books? How To Talk So Toddlers Will Listen is a very practical, helpful one.

Also when I was at home every day I did my shopping "piecemeal" - bakers one day, butchers the next, greengrocer the next etc - and it was a great excuse to get out the house for a walk.

I wouldn't say that trying for number two would be the best idea right now if you're not coping. You need to try to get out more. I can't stay in all day with my DS and he's 2.4 or I would go mad. Try local church toddler groups, they usually only cost a few pounds, or go to the park.

Tapping turns into smacking. Stop justifying your behaviour and feeling sorry for yourself. Do go out to playgroups, soft play, story time at the Library etc. There is so much available and you will learn lots about parenting by watching other parents with their children.

Yes stop with the tapping and "disciplining". They do not understand that at this age. It's about prevention and distraction. They are too young to discipline.

You need to go out every day even if it's just to the local park. Library rhyme time. Walk or ride a bus. It doesn't matter but out. Have some things she can do at home, allow dry goods messy play or "painting" the house with water. Put her in a cot at night and install a stairgate. Get your husband to do the work of making her stay in her bed at night when he's home on the weekend.

Also either go back to work or stop TTC, because believe me things are only going to get worse when you are pregnant/have a newborn.

Your partner working away will contribute massively to the time it's taking to conceive. There is a very short time each month that you can actually fall pregnant so don't beat yourself up over that.
There is an app called hoop that tells you all the free family things going on local to you...might be worth a look.

Go out every morning. Toddler groups are cheap, walks/feeding the ducks/library are free. Lunch at home followed by nap. Sleep train so that nap can be your time, watch tv/read/mn/whatever. Walk every afternoon, get a puddle suit for bad weather. Toddler proof your home, cupboard locks, Stair Gates etc.

Hi i had one the same age doing the same things. I went on to have another and wished i had waited until the older one was in an established sleep pattern. Honestly what you feel now being tired is a tiny drop of nothing compared to having a new born and the toddler. Deffo shelve that for now until you have recovered and slept a lot. Then the rest will be easier. Once toddler is at nursery try for the next one.

I’d also say stop ttc until the timing works to get free nursery hours. Pregnancy and a. Toddler was hard but newborn plus toddler is all sorts of crazy. My life has been made a lot easier in that I can trust my 3 year old to play nicely while I feed or change the baby. I don’t know what I would have done if she was the type to need 100% attention as I’ve still felt like I’m neglecting one of them most of the time.

My little boy is younger but there is LOADS of free stuff available for your age group as well...
Library story time
Free playgroup
Free baby signing at a children's centre. They also run play sessions and have areas with toys and books - all free
We go to a singing group once a week-£1.50
We do mum and baby fitness x1 a week - £4.50 but only once a week
We are gym members. DS's membership is £7 a month.. This gets him free swimming and a few other sensory classes
Feeding the ducks/playground - free
Homemade playdough - very basic and cheap ingredients
Simple cooking e.g. rice crispie cakes
Homemade instruments e.g. pan drums
GET A PLAYPEN! Ours was £20 off Facebook marketplace
Meet up with other mums - you can do this in each other's houses so it's not expensive
Anyway, it is a tough gig and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're doing g a great job

And you are thinking about another child?

OP, you need to be consistent. Take her down off the worktop, with a firm ‘no’ and move her into another room. Do this every time she does it. It’s not ok and obviously very dangerous- if she fell onto a hard floor she could be really hurt.

Part of toddler behaviour is testing limits and seeing how far then can get. They feel safe with firm boundaries. So you need to create some. No climbing on the worktops, no sleeping in your bed. Start tomorrow with your husband’s support. It will be hard now, but so much harder if you let this carry on and escalate.

I would also stop TTC until this is sorted. I’d also be talking to your DH about stepping up. For the record, I work in a very high-pressure job 4 days a week, and being at home with my son (whilst lovelier) is MUCH harder.

I would suggest that you and your DH get one lay in day per weekend. That is fair- he won’t be up all night with a toddler during the week.

Yes, it does sound awful, though.

Oh yes, and you need to get out every day, even if it’s just a walk. You’ll both feel much better for it. I question my sanity if I’ve been indoors with my toddler for more than a few hours at a time!!

I have 20 month old twins OP and can really relate. They are lots of fun but such hard work at the moment. Is your DD talking much? I’m thinking things might get easier once they can talk a bit more and actually tell me what’s going on!

I echo what others have said. You need to consistently remove her from the situation when she's not doing what you want her to do. She is testing boundaries and you have to be consistent. Please don't tap her hand, she won't understand why you're doing it. She's not being naughty on purpose at this age.

Oh dear, you’re getting a bit of a bashing here.

It’s really hard with an active toddler. Here’s what I would do:

Slow down. Stop trying to do whatever it is you’re trying to do other than be at home with the toddler. They require much more attention at this stage than they do as babies. You have to watch them like a hawk. It’s wrong to think that once you’re through the newborn/baby phase things should just get easier. Accept this, adjust accordingly, you will feel happier.

Stop TTC. You’re struggling with a 20mo baby. If you are already pregnant, your toddler will be 2.5yo when the baby is born. If you’re struggling at this stage, it’ll be way worse with a baby to look after too. How old are you? Why the rush?

Tell your DH to pull his fucking weight at home. I honestly can’t think of a single job that requires him to have all weekend, every weekend off.

Don’t be a martyr.

You’re not failing and you haven’t failed. Your toddler sounds normal. Everything you’re describing is 100% normal. Relax. Take a deep breath. Give in.

Finally, I get very very annoyed when people suggest going to work as a panacea. All that means is you avoid the difficult bits for some of the week. It may not be best for the child, for the marriage/relationship, the mother’s mental health, workloads, finances, long-term prospects. “Get a job” is possibly the shittest advice ever. However, some hours in nursery each week could be the best solution possible.

I’m in the same situation, my partner works away in the week and we have a toddler, we take it in turns for a lay in though. You need to change that or it will finish you off.
I agree with pp, you have to get out everyday, we get cabin fever if we don’t. Even just a walk in the local park, anything that helps them burn off energy.
The best thing we have done recently is paint a little wall with magnetic chalk paint (it actually looks quite nice). Ive bought Dd some chalks and animal magnets for it and she absolutely loves it! It’s her favourite thing to do inside.