TO feel fed up with toddler and life!

[Helpmelmaooo]

Just feel on my last nerve at the moment and wondering if anyone else is going through similar
I know this is all normal but my toddler drives me crazy and sometimes I find myself infuriated! Her dad works away Monday-Friday so it’s just me and her together all week, she’s only 20 months so no nursery yet either and can’t afford to put her in privately.
Every 5 minutes she is climbing on my kitchen counter top, getting in the sink and throwing all the stuff off the draining board onto the floor (luckily no smashed yet). Then she can’t get back down so will scream til I give her a lift down then climbs straight back up. When she’s not doing that she is going through cupboards and drawers. I’m trying to conceive my second at the moment and getting seriously fed up as it hasn’t happened yet after 6 months and it just seems like every time I try and do something my toddler decides to throw a tantrum (for example this morning I was doing a pregnancy test and I couldn’t look at it in the time frame because my child decided to climb up my drawers and actually rip one off which then fell on her foot so I had to deal with that).
To top all of this off, every single night without fail she wakes up to come into my bed shortly (2 hours) after I go to sleep then proceeds to spend 4 hours jumping on my head and pulling my hair (I refuse to get up and take her downstairs at 2am). I’m just feeling so run down all the time bevause I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me. Today she also got hold of a packet of spaghetti and scattered it all over the floor and I had to spend ages picking it all up while she repeatedly tried to empty the packet again. I try to get her out at least every other day but I can’t afford to take her on days out every day.
All in all I’m tired, I’m fed up, I’m run down, I’m sick of not being pregnant and sometimes I feel like I hate my toddler
Just to clarify I love my little girl to pieces and I would never display all of this in front of her.

Toddlers are tough, OP.but I’d agree that yours does sound bored. Going out every other day just isn’t enough.

I want to know how on earth she's getting on the counters too. How does it reach the point where she's throwing stuff off the draining board? She climbs up there (somehow) and you get her down immediately and every single time. She'll soon realise its pointless trying.

Why on earth would you be so desperate to conceive a second when you’re on here saying you hate your toddler?
Please read this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3673458-My-children-have-sucked-the-life-out-of-me?pg=4&order= and have a good think about what things might look like in the dilutive, and then sort out your own feelings/parenting before you consider having any more children to ‘hate’

*future not dilutive

Remind me why you are trying for another child when you are struggling so much with the one you have? There's another thread at the moment by a mother of 3 who is miserable and hates being a mother. Why the self inflicted misery? I just dont get it, having children is not compulsory.

I haven't RTFT so I'm sure someone has suggested this but why isn't your DD in a cot she can't get out of??

I'm a SAHM with a 20 month old AND a 6 month old so I know life is hard with a young toddler (and a baby!!) but we don't have the same issues you describe. If she's pulling pasta out of drawers maybe it's time to childproof your cupboards/kitchen?

We are just chatting among ourselves the OP got bored of us.

Fuck that. Your DH is bang out of order. I have a 15 month old and am on my arse for similar reasons however my partner (who works 5:30am-6pm Monday-Friday) practically forces me to lay in on the weekend. We take turns as we are both equally responsible for our son.

Agree with PP - you need to work with DH so you can get a lie in and a nap at the weekends. He might work hard but you're not getting enough rest so you need to split the time off.

I take my 19mo out at least once a day, usually twice. I think I've spent less than £10 on him this week - we had a pre booked class one afternoon and we went out for toast (him) & coffee (me) but we've been out every day, only to the park or to the supermarket but it's a way to use up energy. I like to stick to our schedule so we eat at around the same time, his nap is at the same time and he goes to bed at the same time, that way he knows what's happening a bit more. He's a proper explorer so I've moved dangerous things, put up stair gates, fitted child locks but also allow him access to some things to use under supervision. If she likes the sink, let her wash some toys or her plates?

Take her out 4 hours every day, different playgrounds, hunting for leaves, take a picnic to the park, jump in puddles, walk & buy some bread, feed the squirrels, hide teddy in the woods, count chimney pots, draw in the mud with a stick, walk for miles with stroller, take the bus, play football, do bark rubbing, build a fairy garden out of sticks, go for an ice cream, follow bubbles, pick black berries, collect a treasure basket full of stuff to sort & classify at home, take photos & show her how, fly a kite, paper airplanes, hide & seek - 4 hours every single day and I swear you will go less mad than being home & then it’s bath, & nearly bedtime - hooray!

But first of all, get stair gate to the kitchen & child proof the cupboards. And have a proper bloody sleep - your DH is in no way more tired than you, you’re done in & need 12 hours kip straight away & an even distribution of rights and responsibilities

My ds has been like this, he is now 2 and still loves to play with pots and pans. I have moved his toy kitchen downstairs so he can bash his pans around instead of mine. I try to do different things at home eg. dancing, gymnastics, playing in the garden etc to keep him busy. I would honestly work on your daughter's behaviours before trying for another, it isn't going to get miraculously better. It will be really tiring having to deal with a pregnancy and a lo who is being challenging ( they all have their moments). We are working on the naught step or thinking step, whatever you want to call it but ds seems to be learning that there are consequences.

Look at your support system and ask for help. If you feel overwhelmed by one child it really isn't any easier with two. Your dh should be helping wherever possible.

My fiance works but he still looks after our daughter on weekends so I can sleep. He helped create your daughter and you obviously need him to help. How are you going to cope with a toddler and baby if he isn't helping now? I'd invest in some locks for cupboards and drawers and a baby gate to stop your little one from going in the kitchen. Also try going for walks to the park or finding free activities to take your little one to. Its annoying but I'd try keeping your little one in their room. I rock my little one back to sleep and pop her back in her cot. She is teething so has been in our bed a few times but mainly is in her own room. That really helps plus if your wanting a baby you cant have your toddler in bed as well that would be chaos. Personally I'd wait on having another until your feeling brighter or you risk getting depressed and I really think you need to try ask your partner to help. Can family not help? My mil comes and looks after my little one so I can clean or get a nap. Good luck. Maybe it's worth looking at toddler groups too for mum support.

As others have mentioned , your DD NEEDS to go out. Don't you have a park nearby? Take her out every day. Small activities even if it's just to do some shopping to let her blow off some steam.
It's probably why she is not sleeping well at night.

My DD is the same, she needs to go out and play otherwise she is a nightmare at home.
Are there play groups nearby? Some are managed by baby clinics and are either free or you can donate £1 or something. Maybe ask yours if they know a place or have a look at the app 'Hoop' you can filter it to your preference, shows you activities nearby that are either free or you have to pay, but some are quite cheap.

As others have mentioned maybe wait another year or so before thinking about your 2nd. I have 2 and they are 2.5months apart. It is so hard with 2, your DD needs a lot of attention now, I am quite lucky my DD is quite independent but she still needs my attention and it's hard with a 1 year old to give her that. I love my DS but I wish I waited at least a year before having him. Although it was a surprise pregnancy rather than planned.

What does your husband do to help during the weekend, from your OP it just sounds like you're doing everything whilst he relaxes.
Yes he works hard during the week but can't he compromise with you and give you at least one day to sleep in. So maybe take it in turns, he sleeps in on Saturday and then you have yours on Sunday and rotate every weekend?
My husband is in a physically tiring job so he has his sleep ins but I get mine too. And on weekends he is very hands on when we're out, as long as he's well rested.

Another thing add, when your DD has a tantrum or is being naughty put her in her cot and leave her for a few minutes so you both can have time to cool down

I'd put baby gates on the kitchen door and her bedroom

Well done on keeping ur love & patience. Do the boundary thing now definately. Sounds like shes crying out for boundaries. Grab a large coffee for energy & Take her out every day. Have a friends child (might amuse her) & let them have ur child so u get a break or get grandparents involved. Well done keep going. You will fall pregnant when its right time. She may get jealiys. I had horrendius 6 months but after that she loved her as had permanent audience! Xx

I have a 26 month old and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now with no luck.
My kid is very good but can also be so trying at times ! I do feel for u
There not small for long so u kinda just have to get through it but don't be so hard on yourself it's hard when it's just u and the kid 24/7 I've not had a night off either they ain't a good sleeper lol
I just wanted to say it's ok to feel crap we all do it no one is perfect I often feel like a terrible parent because I just want 5 minutes to myself. We all lose it now and again too
I don't even get to go to the toilet without them wanting to come in and tell me to get off lol
But all being said I wouldn't change it for the world and I can't wait to have another
So don't worry everyone has issues with their kid not always the same issues but we all have them in some form.
Maybe if she likes the sink so much u can stick a bowl on the floor and let her play with it on your terms
I gave my child a cupboard as soon as they could open the doors that had things they could play with plastic bits n bobs I think took some of the fun out of it as there not even interested in cupboard or drawers now
Also I know u said about cash
Parks and gardens are free and u can take a picnic
Even going for a walk in the woods etc it's all fun for them at no cost to u

Mine is a very outdloorsie child, so it was easy. If she likes 'messy play' then I'd suggest a large container filled with mud! Give her some cookie cutter shapes and a wooden spoon. Oh and remember to let her wear NOTHING AT All if the weather is nice or old clothes when not. Kids can play w mic for hours. A nice hot bath afterwards, some story time and you'll have a sleeping angel (hopefully!)

Meant to say mud* not mic

My 18mo does the same, I pull a chair over to the sink and get him to help with the dishes, he loves to help sweep and hoover the floors and clean the windows. Local soft play areas are brilliant, we go once a week and they are quite cheap too, he loves it and interacts with other kids, a parent and toddler group could be a good idea, play grounds when it's not raining, painting and water play on a rainy day or a day in. If you look up free or cheap things to do with a toddler in your area it could help a lot with your problem. You are not alone though, it's a very difficult age because they are going through so many changes developmentally and get bored so quickly. They just want to be challenged all of the time.

Just to reiterate what others have said. Unless time is against you on the ttc front, I would seriously hang fire. I have a 16 month age gap between my two boys, and I kid you not- one baby looks like a piece of absolute piss compared to a newborn and a toddler. I often look back over my first mat leave with one baby and think it was so easy- what was I doing?!

There’s something quite paradoxical about your saying that you hate not being pregnant but also hate the toddler not behaving. The second will add to this mix 10 fold.

can you not return to work and send her to nursery. she sounds bored and it sounds as if you need so adult company.

Agree with previous posters that toddlers need to be stimulated and exercised (and hopefully socialised). If there is a parent at home then this task falls to them during working hours. The toddler entertainment job is not for everyone and I can understand returning to work at a loss while nursery/childminder does the toddler entertainment stuff.
Heed all this advice, OP!

I work full time but have a 5 yr old and a 22 month old.
If you are at the end of your tether now how are you going to cope with a baby and a 3/4 year old as it's only double trouble! Imagine a 22 month old and a 4 year old thrown into the mix playing and squabbling all the time and the mess!
When I'm off with them both we just get out of the house. I just cannot bear the mess and the squabbling indoors.
Like PP have said we have a couple of playgroups that are open here throughout the holidays, the library do great activities, parks, bus trips and swimming is relatively inexpensive and guaranteed to wear your DD out.
My youngest is at nursery a couple of days a week and to be honest that's a god send in the holidays.
Alternatively I would suggest putting your DD in nursery a couple of days a week and getting a part time job. Although your earnings will be cancelled out by nursery fees you might find that having a different focus and adult interaction may be just what you need.