TO feel fed up with toddler and life!

[Helpmelmaooo]

Just feel on my last nerve at the moment and wondering if anyone else is going through similar
I know this is all normal but my toddler drives me crazy and sometimes I find myself infuriated! Her dad works away Monday-Friday so it’s just me and her together all week, she’s only 20 months so no nursery yet either and can’t afford to put her in privately.
Every 5 minutes she is climbing on my kitchen counter top, getting in the sink and throwing all the stuff off the draining board onto the floor (luckily no smashed yet). Then she can’t get back down so will scream til I give her a lift down then climbs straight back up. When she’s not doing that she is going through cupboards and drawers. I’m trying to conceive my second at the moment and getting seriously fed up as it hasn’t happened yet after 6 months and it just seems like every time I try and do something my toddler decides to throw a tantrum (for example this morning I was doing a pregnancy test and I couldn’t look at it in the time frame because my child decided to climb up my drawers and actually rip one off which then fell on her foot so I had to deal with that).
To top all of this off, every single night without fail she wakes up to come into my bed shortly (2 hours) after I go to sleep then proceeds to spend 4 hours jumping on my head and pulling my hair (I refuse to get up and take her downstairs at 2am). I’m just feeling so run down all the time bevause I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me. Today she also got hold of a packet of spaghetti and scattered it all over the floor and I had to spend ages picking it all up while she repeatedly tried to empty the packet again. I try to get her out at least every other day but I can’t afford to take her on days out every day.
All in all I’m tired, I’m fed up, I’m run down, I’m sick of not being pregnant and sometimes I feel like I hate my toddler
Just to clarify I love my little girl to pieces and I would never display all of this in front of her.

I agree that TTC right now doesn't seem a good idea!

My DD is only 6mo but we have to get out every day or it's a slog! It doesn't have to cost anything - the park is free, going on a walk and talking about what you see is free. There are also loads of church groups where I live where you can go for a couple of quid, which includes a snack, and then there's free play time for boisterous toddlers to run off all that energy.

'My life is made unbelievably easier by having a DH who gets up with her every morning and alternates bedtimes and takes over when he walks through the door most days. He has never used the excuse of being too tired from work because he has had her on his own and knows how much more exhausting looking after a small child can be.

This x 1000. My DP works full time. He also takes DD every morning at 6am, when he comes in from work, and for unlimited time at the weekends. He's not 'helping out', he's her parent and he doesn't get to skip out on that because he's out of the house between 9 and 5.

I would be going crazy with the lack of sleep. What is her nap and sleep routine like? I'm hoping for you that if you tire her out more in the day she will sleep better at night. My daughter is up at 5:45 (😥) morning group/ activity nap at 11:30 till 1pm ish then bed at 7 to 7:30. My friends toddlers follow a similar pattern but get up later in the morning. My daughter's sleep went to absolute shit recently when I got pregnant and had morning sickness all day. I had to get really strict with naps and bedtime- I wrote a diary of all her sleep and naps and have to wake her from a nap if she sleeps to long, can't drive anywhere in the morning before naptime as she will fall asleep in the car and ruin the rest of the day sleep wise. It's hard work and monotonous but I need my sleep! I tell myself that my day is tiring her out for nap time then bedtime and treat it like a job. Mental stimulation is good as well- reading, counting, arts and crafts, puzzles, learning shapes, pouring water, playing in the sandpit, roleplay games. Could you get a climbing frame for the garden to manage her need to climb?

You need to get baby gate on the kitchen door and safety locks on the cupboards and drawers!
My 2 year old is like a caged animal if we have to spend the day inside, just take her for a walk to the park or to the shop, get her out!
Routine is very much key to a good sleep in our house, you have to start putting her back in her bed when she gets up, you'll have a shot few night getting up and down but she will learn!

And if I were you I'd put plans for number 2 on the back burner for now, a baby will make your situation a million times harder!

It is hard OP, I had 2 under three and it's hard. It's hard when you are pregnant and feel like shit but still need to parent. It's hard when you are in hospital away from your firstborn and then when you come home and can't give them the same level of attention and you feel double the guilt you usually do. What helped me was my husband who was completely there for me and our first child and made sure that she was okay. Can you rely on your partner to do that?

From what you have said so far I wonder if your relationship would survive two children, if you are struggling at home with two small children and he gets the freedom he seems intent on keeping to himself then your resentment will build. I would follow the advice PP have given regarding your DD and try to establish a balance of labour in your house before you start on TTC number 2.

I agree that TTC should go on hold until things improve. Your DH certainly shouldn't be getting to take it easy at the weekend! Weekends with toddlers are tough and they aren't relaxing but that is just part of being a parent.

How often do you go out? When DS was that age I went out about 08:30-9. Came back for lunch and nap and then was out again until 5 when I would start dinner. Exercise is key to happy, well behaved toddlers.

You really need to toddler proof the cupboards and doors. You talk about her soon figuring out where the snack cupboard is as if you have no control as to whether she gets into it.

She is not "intent on being naughty". She is a normal 20 month old that is inquisitive. You need to distract her, not hit her.

Children do not come out of the womb knowing how to behave, you have to teach them.

My DC is 2.5 now. When he started crawling and opening doors, I removed him every single time and told him No. I didn't use toddler locks. If I was working in the kitchen, I set him up with toys to distract him. He has never once emptied a cupboard. The only one he opens now is to get his bowl or plate at meal times. He knows where the snack cupboard is but will not open it unless I say he can.

Don't get me wrong, he can be very messy but when he messes, he also tidies up. I make it a game and he is used to it by now and gives himself a big clap when all the toys are put away.

As for the sleep. If she wakes up at 2am every night and you go to bed at midnight, then of course you will be tired. My DC wakes at 6am every morning. Before I had him, I was a night owl, in bed between 12 and 1am. Now I can't function on 5 hours sleep so I go to bed at 10.30pm. I would prefer to go to bed later but needs must.

If I were you, I would do some sleep training so that she stays in her cot. My dc went through a period of waking and coming into my bed and like yours, he did anything but sleep so instead of bringing him into my bed, I would go into his room whe he woke up and sit in an armchair until he fell back to sleep. Some nights I was there all night but at least I could doze in the armchair and he slept which meant a better mood the next day. After a couple of weeks, he stopped waking up in the middle of the night.

Hi OP I'm another one wondering why you're so keen to get pregnant as soon as possible? I have 2 pre-schoolers and honestly 2 children is RIDICULOUSLY more difficult than 1. My husband and I actually laugh (somewhat bitterly) at the idea we were tired before...

If you're struggling financially to the point you feel you can't get out each day (I don't think we've had a single day in the house for at least 3 years), won't it be almost impossible with 2 kids? When your daughter is 3 you'll get some free childcare and could work, or even just have that time as a break? If your wages wouldn't cover childcare and you have another, you'll be a SAHM for at least another 4 years!!!

I would also agree with everyone suggesting you need to get out every day and get a safety gate on the kitchen door.

Your daughter sounds pretty physically able, are there any cheap toddler gymnastics type classes she could go to??

I'm pregnant now and my daughter is 2.5
She sleeps through the night and usually has a nap for an hour in the day.
I am exhausted... so tired. It's just pregnancy fatigue and being busy.

If you're tired already looking after your daughter, it will be so much worse if you fall pregnant. You said you cant get 5 minutes to yourself to take a pregnancy test without her getting into danger- what if you're throwing up 20 times a day? What would you do with her then

I would honestly say get her sleeping and behaviour under more control before having a second child.

How much time is she left on her own to get into the kitchen and make a mess? She’s sounds very bored to me. It’s a very hard age and can be draining but they need entertaining, even if it’s only playing with a bowl of water and bubbles with some old Tupperware on the kitchen floor or going for a walk to the park or shops etc or watching Peppa Pig with a picnic on the living room floor etc.

They need to get out every single day imo too. Seeing other people and interacting is good for them and will help with this side of her that wants to make a mess.

I would definitely put ttc on hold too for the time being OP, the last thing you need is a toddler that needs entertaining and you being pregnant.

@Staysexyanddontgetmurdered

Is the stool with rail one of those (expensive!) little helper towers or is there another product? Ive been looking for this sort of thing but couldn't find anything.

Hi I've actually joined mumsnet just so I can respond to you. You are not alone! I equally love my kids, but they drive me mad. I had a similar situation with dad working away, which made it really hard. Yes the night times can be cruel. We've worked really hard to try and get a bedtime routine, which has kind of dramatically reduced our social life, but it was either that or continue to go through the hell of little time to ourselves (still not great, but better). Yes i agree with a few comments about getting them out and about, which i know is so hard when you're sooooo tired, but it's all about breaking the cycle they've got you in. My friend has recommended gina fords routine, maybe worth a look...on a more positive my child is just over 2 now and much better than 6 months ago, i think like your child they're 'just' going through the terrible 2s early. Now my lo can understand more and communicate better we get on much more now. I wish I could give you a miracle cure, as for the not getting pregnant, my situation is i had 2 under 2 and trust me when you're having to deal with one under 2, whilst being pregnant and bringing up a newborn its a whole new even more difficult ball game, so I'd actually say that maybe mother nature has done you a little favour in giving you more of a gap between your lo's, which will hopefully work out better for you all. I hope you catch soon. Best of luck. You're not alone. Hang in there. Hope you get some well deserved sleep too. Honestly you will and you'll look back on the haze and be amazed at how you survived.

Go out every morning. Toddler groups are cheap, walks/feeding the ducks/library are free. Lunch at home followed by nap. Sleep train so that nap can be your time, watch tv/read/mn/whatever. Walk every afternoon, get a puddle suit for bad weather. Toddler proof your home, cupboard locks, Stair Gates etc.

With knobs on. I have a 23 month old, and an easier one by the sounds of it. She's bloody climbing the walls if we're still at home at 11am. Out by 9.30 to a park/playground/friend/singing/library/even B&Q at a pinch, lots of running around so that by 1pm she's more than ready for a nap. Same in afternoon. Use reins if she's a bolter.

Kitchen - locks/stairgate across door.

If she likes messy play use a designated drawer and larger pasta - or do it outside.

Let her "wash up" in the sink with bubbles.

If she does something she shouldn't, she needs to learn that you'll stop and remove her every time. Every fucking time.

Make a list of what's on / who's free each weekday near you. With bad weather options too. In our house it's Monday we see X, Tuesday we do Y and so on - it's not inflexible but those are our default things. We don't stay home for whole mornings or afternoons.

Sleep train, for your own sanity.

Please rethink TTC now, for the reasons others have said.

Op in terms of activities (during term time is obviously much easier because of the toddler groups being on) we do - rhyme time at library (free), playparks (free), swimming pool (couple of quid), toddler groups (usually £1.50 here in NI), musical tots (£4 a session), jump lanes toddler morning (a few quid, big sure exactly how much), soft play places (£3/4 normally, less for toddler morning during term time), beach (free), public paddling pool during summer (free) .. it's also good if you can make friends with other toddler/child mum's and go to each others places. What I've noticed is that older kids (not too old to be willing to play with toddler at all) seem to have a settling effect on them; because they copy them and older kids will sit and play with things for longer.

Climbing on work tops needs to stop, purely for safety.
Put a baby gate or door that closes properly on your kitchen.

Put pots and pans and bits and bobs in a box or buy a toy kitchen/cupboard so they can do exactly that in the living room where you can keep an eye on them.

If she climbs on things in other rooms, take her straight back down and keep repeating, yes it's tiring but it does get better, if you deal with it now.

Our DS is nearly 25 months and the climbing has stopped, but he still wants entertaining so you have to find a way of dealing with it, at this age now he has lots of things that he needs to learn on what behaviour is acceptable, so lots of repetition. It doesn't stop, it just changes.

If you are struggling badly now with your child I don't think being pregnant will help any.

Anyway, without a doubt they are into everything all the time and it can be so frustrating and irritating. But it will change as they get older, it's a phase.

Oh and getting out is key, mornings out in the park with a picnic and a ball.

OP, think carefully about having another baby. I’ve got a two year old and a one year old and my oldest sounds exactly like your DD (high energy).

I find it so, so difficult. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done having two so close together and I definitely go to work for a break.

Have a think how you’d cope if she was climbing, tantruming and you have a newborn to feed?

Also, my DS’s behaviour got worse when DD was born because he craves the attention which is totally understandable.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but if you’re finding it difficult to cope with now, believe me it will get so much harder with another child.

Just a thought- are you sure this is the time to get pregnant/have a newborn? It may be worth trying pp ideas of tiring out, boundaries etc before. With not being able to afford nursery and partner being away all week two on your own might be horrendous!

@EssentialHummus I once made the absolutely schoolboy error of giving DD penne to sort out in to a couple of tubs along with another tiny pasta (coquillette) it’s like a mini macaroni and my god I swear I still find those bastard things now months later 🤣 they went EVERY WHERE. So yeah make sure you use big pasta lol

Don't have another baby till you really have a handle on this one!

Maybe get some babies gates up to stop her going into the kitchen? Why would you want to have another just now when you obviously have your hands full and are getting annoyed with the one you already have? Maybe put that to the back of your mind for a while until you are more settled and less stressed

OK first issue: Boundaries. Sounds easy in theory but not that easy in practice. Thankfully there are a lot of really good materials about how to do this these days.

I personally really like Janet Lansbury's approach on toddler discipline. She teaches you how to have boundaries while still being kind and respectful of their impulses etc.

I would recommend you buy one of the following books:

Janet Lansbury - No Bad Kids
How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen
123 Magic

Three different approaches but all will work so whichever you find the most appealing given a read of their introductions on amazon. Or just go for 123 magic as it's the cheapest.

If you don't have time to read try this podcast: www.janetlansbury.com/tag/podcasts/

I stick the podcasts on like radio when I am doing other stuff.

Second. Put TTC on hold, just for 3-6 months. Have a heart to heart with partner about how difficult you're finding things at the moment. See if there's any way you can shift things in terms of workload, temporary fixes e.g. you getting breaks/more help, or making long term plans. Financially you sound a bit strained, is that something you can look at? Again long term plans can come into play here. I would be looking to see some changes before you start TTC again because at the moment you already seem to be reaching the limit of your financial, emotional and mental resources. You'll need more to offer a new baby (and to help your DD through the transition which will be tough for her as well.)

Thirdly I agree with the other posters' suggestions of free activities.

Has she enough to do or is she bored? Try toddler groups (usually free or a couple of pounds) parks, etc it sounds like shes bored and you both need time out of the house to de-stress and bond

"Im sick of not being pregnant and i hate my toddler"

Please focus on building a bond and enjoying your toddler before having another one :(

I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me.

How can he possibly be more tired than you when you haven't had a full nights' sleep in months?

Is it just him telling you that he's tired? And you can't possibly be as tired as him because you've been at home all week? Has he ever had her by himself for an entire day?

I think you deserve a day out this weekend. Let your partner look after her and go have a break.