TO feel fed up with toddler and life!

[Helpmelmaooo]

Just feel on my last nerve at the moment and wondering if anyone else is going through similar
I know this is all normal but my toddler drives me crazy and sometimes I find myself infuriated! Her dad works away Monday-Friday so it’s just me and her together all week, she’s only 20 months so no nursery yet either and can’t afford to put her in privately.
Every 5 minutes she is climbing on my kitchen counter top, getting in the sink and throwing all the stuff off the draining board onto the floor (luckily no smashed yet). Then she can’t get back down so will scream til I give her a lift down then climbs straight back up. When she’s not doing that she is going through cupboards and drawers. I’m trying to conceive my second at the moment and getting seriously fed up as it hasn’t happened yet after 6 months and it just seems like every time I try and do something my toddler decides to throw a tantrum (for example this morning I was doing a pregnancy test and I couldn’t look at it in the time frame because my child decided to climb up my drawers and actually rip one off which then fell on her foot so I had to deal with that).
To top all of this off, every single night without fail she wakes up to come into my bed shortly (2 hours) after I go to sleep then proceeds to spend 4 hours jumping on my head and pulling my hair (I refuse to get up and take her downstairs at 2am). I’m just feeling so run down all the time bevause I haven’t had a full nights sleep or a lay in in months. Even when her dad is home on the weekends I have to do it bevause he’s worked all week and is definitely more tired than me. Today she also got hold of a packet of spaghetti and scattered it all over the floor and I had to spend ages picking it all up while she repeatedly tried to empty the packet again. I try to get her out at least every other day but I can’t afford to take her on days out every day.
All in all I’m tired, I’m fed up, I’m run down, I’m sick of not being pregnant and sometimes I feel like I hate my toddler
Just to clarify I love my little girl to pieces and I would never display all of this in front of her.

With things like climbing on the worktop, put washing up away. Remove the temptation. And get outside every day as fresh air makes lack of sleep more bearable. A good tip I saw on here is to make sure every night that the buggy is prepared with change bag, a waterproof for you and a few quid for a coffee, so you can just go.

Finally, sit DH down and have a proper conversation about division of responsibilities and uninterrupted sleep. Do not even consider a second DC until this is sorted.

Thanks for all of your replies! Sat here in bloody tears again as I thought I had the night off tonight to go out with my friend, my daughter was supposed to go to her nans house. Turns out the nan is coming here to watch her for a few hours and leaving when I get back so not much point as I’ll be awake all night again anyway.
I can’t go back to work as my salary wouldn’t even cover the childcare.
I do very firmly tell her no when she does these things but she never listens to me, I have even tried giving her a tap on the hand when she does dangerous things like climb on the counter but she continues to do it, has been doing on a few weeks now and no sign of stopping as she keeps finding more things to do up there (discovered that the kitchen sink is up there and she’s now starting to realise that she can open the top drawer while she’s sat on there, it won’t take long for her to realise the snack cupboard is over the sink).
I just don’t know how else I can discipline her, I have tried getting her down and taking her to see her toys or to look at the fish or the tv while we’re home but she is just intent on being naughty. She’s such a lovely gentle little girl and I really don’t her to get out of control where I can’t do anything about it!

OP, I was a lone parent to twins. The toddler stage was the worst, I did it all myself 24/7 with no help and it nearly finished me off mentally and physically. It does get better I promise you

I sympathise. I packed a bag every morning and went out all day when DC were toddlers. We would go anywhere rather than stay home driving each other bonkers. We went to soft play, library story times, music groups, play groups, toddlers' praise at church, every play park we could find, city farms, parks and gardens. We rode on trains, buses, DLR went to toy shops, craft sessions, walked miles along the canal (with them strapped in!) to feed ducks and spot river voles.

I couldn't stand being at home alone with them but I loved their toddler years. Just not on my own going stir crazy.

My children, aged 5 and 1, have never spent a night with their nan. Ever. Imagine how much crying about that I would do if I let myself.

Another cheap idea is going to Messy Church. Lots of churches do it and it's free or very very cheap. Ours puts food on too (you don't need to 'go to church' to attend).

Why not still go out for a couple of hours just to have a break? Might help just to have some time child free.

Go back to work. It isn't just your salary that pays childcare.

It's an exhausting age. You really need to take her out every single day. I bought a yearly membership for our local soft play when my ds was a toddler. Or just the park every day. It's monotonous for you but she needs to burn energy.

My DD was the same (still is a bit, at 6!) You need passive methods here. Gate off the kitchen. Lock the cupboards. Empty the drawers. Do go out with your friend - the change will do you good.

Again and again on these threads we hear MY salary won't cover childcare. You know what - it never will if you don't see working as an investment in your future and if you absolve your DH of all responsibility for childcare and the home.

My children have also never had a night away and my husband works away. When he's home i go out for a couple of pints and then go home. It's enough just to have some adult conversation without someone shouting 'mummy' all the time!!

My youngest is a terror at times. He's learnt how to scale the stair gates. It does pass though.

She´s still a baby the only way she´ll get it is consistency. Absolutely don´t do hitting or tapping her hand. It will add nothing.
Every time, pick her up say no, take her away and distract her with something she can do (ideally a cheap climbing thing she can go on). It will take time (weeks), and it is exhausting but necessary until you get through the phase.
Create a safe space with nothing to climb on which you can put her in when you need a moment.
Go to the park or outside so that she can climb and use energy up.
Where is she sleeping at the moment that she can go from her bed to yours in the middle of the night?

She sounds bored. Take her out more to stimulate AND tire her out.
I am a solo parent to twin girls and, yeah, I often feel fed up/resentful after they've trashed my flat etc, but it's up to us as parents to respectfully boundary our children, not let them dictate to us.
If you don't want her in bed with you, take control and establish BOUNDARIES. It can take a while, and some tears, to establish a new way of being, but you're the adult and she's the child!
Your OH needs to bloody help out. The child is his and he needs to support you.
Focus on the child you have, as stressing about not conceiving another child will affect your r/ship with your toddler.
Good luck. X

I do think it's unreasonable to expect someone else to have a non sleeping toddler overnight - sorry.

Me, too. It's full on, isn't it?!

And, please don't 'tap' her hand. It's so unnecessary. She's a baby.

Sounds tough at the moment op!
I do agree it does sound like your dd is alittle bored. As far as the climbing goes, I second the pp idea of a stair gate across the kitchen, or could you close the room off when it's not in use.
I'd suggest lifting her down, and distracting her straight away with something you can do together.
I don't want to sound harsh op but choose your moments too, so for example, perhaps the pregnancy test while dd was up could have been done either early in the morning while she's still asleep in her cot, or while she has a day time nap! Use your time wisel if you can. Try and use her awake time to play and go out and about, her naps can be used to get things done. I do know how you feel, it isn't easy!
Tiring her out sounds like a great idea, so park, walk, going out for a picnic, or an ice cream might be nice. Perhaps if there are any local farms close by you could go see the animals, they tend to be free or cheap to get in to.
Baby groups might be good idea to help socialise her, and it's nice just for a change if scenery isn't it? Plus she can make as much mess as she would like here!
Six months isn't too long in terms of falling pregnant, are you charting, or using the ovulation kits? You'll get there with it all!
Things will get easier, it's a tough age op!

Your DD sounds terribly bored and full of energy. If you aren't enjoying having one wait until you have two. Tiredness will be a desirable state. You'll be exhausted.
I think you are making a terrible mistake having another child when you don't enjoy the one you have.
We have one child as two would have been too much. I was also alone Monday to Friday.

It's not unreasonable to ask family to help out when things are tough

You've had mostly good advice on here. I do think you need to really think about a second child!! Its hard work having 2 under 3.

Also saying take her out and let her wear herself out in the park. She does sound bored. Get stair gates and cupboard locks. People have given you lots of good suggestions for free activities, there's usually lots going on at the library as well.

**Your DD sounds terribly bored and full of energy. If you aren't enjoying having one wait until you have two. Tiredness will be a desirable state. You'll be exhausted.
I think you are making a terrible mistake having another child when you don't enjoy the one you have.

This^^

Having a toddler and a baby has been the hardest thing I have ever done. If you are not coping well with one, adding another to the mix just seems utterly bonkers. You need to get out and about, have a routine of groups and activities that you do. Something for every day of the week. It’s the only way to survive being a stay at home parent. Your daughter sounds completely bored and cooped up. Address the problems in your current situation before you even think of having another. Oh and it’s not just when you have the baby here, but pregnancy with a toddler can be hell. Take the energy you have now, halve it, and put on three stone. And you still have to cope with your toddler. Is that really what you want right now?!

Sorry op but why are you so desperate to get pregnant when you are struggling to cope with the one child you have?

Also you need to stop 'tapping' her I think. It could escalate.

Sorry to sound harsh

how is she getting on your work tops?! rectify that for a start...

yes they need bloody entertaining all the chuffing time! the next baby will too though??? personally i hate the entertainment bit (im
much better at making sure he's clean, healthy, eating well) so i happily go to work and let others deal with the unreasonableness, at least during the week. my partner works away also so i know it's hard but she's looking for stimulation. if you can't provide it get a job and get a good childminder or nursery, you should easily break even! you don't have to be a SAHM to be a mum.

Can you put a baby gate across your kitchen door to keep her out for now? I would find out when all the church toddler groups are in your area, and go to them all! They are usually free, or very cheap, and your dd can play in a safe environment while you have a cuppa and a biscuit.

You need to toddler proof your house. She's not intent on being naughty she's bored. If you're not coping now I'd seriously reconsider getting pregnant. I'm very pregnant with a 2 year old and it is ridiculously tough.